“You think?”
I half expected him to lash or demand respect or whatever it is that parents do, but he didn’t. He sat back with a shake of his head and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. I fixed my gaze on Keenan. My cousin, brother, best friend, and the first person who actually gave a fuck about me. I know it may look as if I was the one to give him a chance ten years ago, but it was he who gave me a chance, and I corrupted him.
John spun a tale of how Sophia ran off because she couldn’t handle the pressure of having a kid, and I helped him. It was a seriously fucked thing to do, but at the time, there weren’t two people who hated her more. John, for his reasons and me, for mine. I think he even regrets loving her.
“You did the right thing, you know.”
“What’s that?” I asked without taking my eyes off Keenan. Wake up, man.
“Not telling him the truth about your mother and my part in your disappearance. Thank you.”
“You know the corny line people always hear in movies? I never thought I would use it, but… yeah. I didn’t do it for you.”
“Nonetheless—”
“Do you think we made it any better? Telling him his mother was a selfish whore who couldn’t keep her legs closed and didn’t have the maternal instincts of a goat?”
“Watch your mouth,” he barked.
“Oh, that’s right. We don’t tell the truth in this family. We throw money around to cover up our bullshit and step on anyone who gets in the way. You did a fine job of raising us. No wonder our family is dying out. Who would want to be born into a scumbag family like this?”
“Keiran, I’m warning you…”
“At least, I know early on. I guess you can say marriage is out. I sure as fuck ain’t giving some unlucky bitch my seed so she can sprout more evil spawns just like me. I’m cruel, but I’m not that cruel. I guess that’s more than I can say for you and my * ass father.”
John was out of his seat with my shirt in his hands before I could fully release ‘father’ from my lips. His eyes were nearly black with rage as he stared down at me, almost lifting my feet off the ground.
“Watch your fucking mouth.”
“Truth hurts like a dick in the ass, doesn’t it?” I grinned at him, and I guess that might have been a mistake because the next thing you know, I was flying across the room, crashing into the door behind me. I watched John’s face redden, and the muscles and veins in his neck pop but instead of charging as I expected, he stood in place.
I let out a laugh that was misplaced.
What can I say? His anger amused me.
My hoarse laugh started to die from the beginning sound of a groan as Keenan woke from his drug-induced slumber. I was completely silent as soon as his eyes popped open and immediately landed on me. Even though he was doped up with drugs and painkillers, his eyes became clearer as they took me in.
We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity as I began to understand what he was telling me with his eyes. I nodded once before turning to leave and shutting the door. I didn’t feel the massive slump of shoulders or the rhythmic beat of my heart as it slowed or the fucking emotion foreign to me but quickly becoming familiar—Regret.
My cousin. My brother. Hated me.
*
I drove around aimlessly until Mario called saying he wanted to meet. I wasn’t in the mood for his shit. He had been after me to work for him for a long time, and the answer was always the same.
I wouldn’t work for anyone.