Eye Candy

I looked. I didn’t want to, but I did. There was an agony that stripped all the way down to my soul. The sound would be in my nightmares, along with Taylor’s body, and when I opened my eyes, I stood.

The cops buzzed around me, alarmed by my sudden movement. Mason was moving too, but we weren’t going anywhere.

Logan was dragged outside, with five cops holding him back. Another two were in front of them, like a backup wall if he got loose. He wasn’t who I was watching, though.

They were bringing her out.

Her body was on a stretcher, covered by a white sheet. Some of the blood had soaked through. I took another step toward the window. I raised my hand, touching the glass. This was her last farewell.

“Sam.” Mason’s arms wrapped around me. His chin lowered to rest on my shoulder, and we watched as a member of our family was taken away.

We wouldn’t be whole again.

There was now someone gone, and she couldn’t come back.





Chapter 13


We were released, or that was the word the cops used. We weren’t allowed to go back into the house. We had to give them a list of what we needed to stay at a hotel. After they looked through our phones, we got those back.

Channing came moments later, and he hadn’t left Heather’s side since she came back out from wherever the cops had taken her.

The ride to the hotel was the quietest, longest, and worst ride of my life. I’d remember it forever: the moment when we pulled away from the house, away from the flashing red and blue lights. I looked back and it was like I was seeing it in slow motion. Channing drove Heather, Mason, and me. Nate drove Logan.

I couldn’t deal with it. Any of it.

Once we got to the hotel, a hot shower didn’t help. I kept seeing her. The screams were ricocheting in my head. Heather’s scream. Logan’s. Mine. They all melded together and became Taylor’s voice.

I shook my head; I was curled up in a hotel robe on the bed. I’d finished my shower, but left the light off. Felt appropriate.

Channing and Heather got their own room, but Nate, Logan, Mason, and I all got a suite together. We had a main living area with our own bedrooms. Our bedroom door was open, just a small inch, and I could hear Mason’s voice. I didn’t know who he was talking to. I guessed Logan, because Logan wasn’t responding. No one was responding.

God.

I choked back a sob, burying my head in the robe’s sleeve.

How had this happened? It wasn’t supposed to, at least not to her.

I didn’t know how to handle this grief.

Hating my mother. The knowledge that your father isn’t really your father. Losing friends. That grief was mine. I was an expert at handling that, but this—really losing someone—I was floundering.

Big fat tears were rolling down my face, but I didn’t move. What the hell would I do? What now? And Logan—I couldn’t face him. He thought she had been with me. That made her my responsibility. He was my family, the third member of our fearsome threesome, and I’d done this to him. It was like I’d gutted him and left him to bleed out.

“Sam?”

I looked up. I didn’t sit up from the bed. I remained in my curled fetal position, but I merely moved my head back so I could see who stood in the door.

Channing glanced over his shoulder, then back. His hesitation was obvious. “Uh.” His hand curled around the doorframe. “Mason said I could just come over and knock.” His eyes fell to my robe. “I can come back, if you want.”

“No.” I was dressed underneath. It didn’t matter. I sat up now, pulling my knees close to me. “What’s up? How’s Heather?”

“That’s why I came in. She . . .” another pause. He looked down. “She’s not doing that well. I was wondering . . .” His hand went to the top of his head. It rested there before falling back down. “I shouldn’t be asking this of you. You were closer to the gi—her. Never mind. Sorry.”

“No. What?” I wanted something to do. I needed something to do.

He hesitated. He seemed torn, but asked, “Could you come over and just hug her or something? She’s just crying. Her brothers are coming, but you were with her . . . I thought it might help.”

I frowned. There wasn’t a word to describe how drained I felt. “She doesn’t want you there?”

“It’s not that. I’m not leaving, but I hold her, and she doesn’t react. I just wonder if I’m the person she wants right now.”

“You are.” I nodded. I said it with such certainty. “You are. No one else can replace you in her life. She needs you.”

His eyebrows were pulled together, but relaxed at my words. He nodded, blinking back some wetness, and coughed. He cleared his throat. “Okay. Thank you.” He frowned again. “Are you okay? I mean . . .” He looked over his shoulder again. “Mason seems busy with Logan, and you’re in here alone. Are you sure you don’t want to come to the room, so you’re not alone?”

He and Heather were family. Logan and Mason were mine. I should be with mine.

I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to join them. I just needed a moment.”

“Okay.” His lip twitched up in something that might’ve been a smile, or a small grin. I didn’t know what. Everything looked off to me now. Nothing was right.

He left, and I was alone again.

I could still hear Mason’s murmurings, but still nothing from Logan.

Where was Nate?

But even as I thought it, I knew: he was probably with them. He was probably in the same room with them. Or maybe he was doing what I was doing—sitting. Being alone. Listening to them. Or maybe he was like Channing, not sure what to do. Feeling helpless. Trying to find out what to do, how to help, who else to maybe help.

I closed my eyes and lay back down, curling into a small ball. I wanted to be as small as possible. I wanted to disappear, if that was possible.

I waited.

I didn’t disappear. I couldn’t.

Lying here wasn’t helping. My insides were still in shreds. I just didn’t want to think about why. It would make me go insane.

I stood, going to the door. I wanted Mason, but I couldn’t be selfish and demand him. Logan was hurting the most. He needed his brother. Did Logan need me too? I was like his sister. I was his sister.

I was Taylor’s killer too. She died because I didn’t save her.

Maybe I should go and comfort Heather? Anything to tear me away from where I was.

I started to leave, then remembered to grab the key card on the table by the door.

“Where are you going?” Mason was behind me.

I couldn’t look in his eyes. If I did, I’d collapse. I looked away. “I’m going to check on Heather.”

“Oh. Okay.”

I swallowed, but I still didn’t look up. “How is he?”

“Hurting, Sam. He could use you.”

“He has you.”

“He needs both of us.”

No. My heart squeezed together. He didn’t need the person who would always remind him of her. But Mason wouldn’t understand that. He wasn’t thinking about it, not really. I didn’t have the heart to explain it to him.

I shoved my hands in my robe’s pockets, my shoulders hunched down, my head still hanging low. “I’ll be back,” I whispered. “I promise.”

Before he could say anything else, I reached behind me, opened the door and slipped out.