‘What?’ Ben asks.
‘See-through, like to see through? Like, to totally see the other side? Like . . . like . . . window! You want a window? Haha! I thought you meant just see through, not see-through . . .’
‘A window, Bertie,’ Ria says. ‘So they can see what’s on the other side.’
‘Haha! I mean, totally just rewrite the laws of physics and . . . um . . . epic. Okay, Miri. A window. Why are you rubbing your belly? Have you got bellyache?’
‘What?!’ Ria blurts. ‘I’m not,’ she adds, bringing her left hand up while her face flushes crimson. ‘Period pains,’ she mumbles.
‘Urgh,’ Bertie says, grimacing.
Emily tuts and reaches out to rub her arm. ‘Nasty. Maybe John can give you something?’
‘S’fine,’ Ria mumbles.
‘John? Anything you can give Ria?’ Emily asks down the table.
‘I’m fine,’ Ria states, hating the patronising, condescending show of kindness from someone so fit and strong.
‘Perhaps we can have a chat after dinner,’ the doctor says, holding his gaze on Ria.
She squirms on her seat. Hating all of them. Hating the sudden attention. She can feel her face burning. Everyone is staring at her. She can feel it. She glances up to see none of them are looking at her.
‘How’s the shoulder?’ the doctor asks.
‘Fine,’ Ben says. ‘Bit sore, but nothing really.’
Conversations roll on. Idle chat. Ria stabs the chicken on her plate. Her appetite gone. She worries about tomorrow as her whole body fills with that sense of dread. She can’t stop thinking about it. Why are they going tomorrow? That means she has no more time to think and decide what to do. Her mum is in the house.
‘Be a long day tomorrow,’ Emily says casually, reaching out for the salad bowl.
‘I still don’t know why you’re doing it all in one go,’ the doctor says. ‘Stagger it out. Why rush it?’
‘Not rushing,’ Miri says. ‘Execution of the mission in one fluid motion.’
‘But you have the option,’ the doctor says. ‘If something happens, I mean. Someone trips or twists an ankle, say, or . . .’
‘We have the option,’ Miri says, nodding at him.
‘We discussed it,’ Ben says. ‘A lot. We discussed it a lot. Best to go straight through. One hit. Start to finish.’
‘Well, you chaps know what you’re doing,’ the doctor says. ‘Just watch out for the old . . .’
‘Oh, fuck off,’ Safa laughs.
‘What?’ the doctor asks with a grin.
‘Let him say it,’ Ben says, chuckling as he nods at Emily to pass the salad bowl.
‘Fuck’s sake,’ Safa mutters.
‘My advice,’ the doctor announces.
‘Go on then,’ Safa says.
‘Watch out for the old crossfire.’
Low laughs, chuckles and grins round the table.
‘Got to watch the crossfire in a firefight, you know.’
‘When you’ve been in a war with the old crossfire,’ Emily says deeply.
‘Aye,’ Harry says, smiling over the table at her.
‘Aye,’ Emily says.
‘Aye,’ Ben adds.
‘Twats,’ Safa says.
They eat, but not too much. They sip a cold beer each. Only one though. Miri and Harry drift off to smoke and sit in comfortable silence. Safa, Ben and Emily rest on the warm rocks with bare feet in the cool water and watch the doctor casting a line from a rod while wearing his ridiculous sleeveless fishing jacket. Ria frets.
She worries. The sense of dread builds. The threat of a panic attack drives her to clear and wash the dishes, tidy, clean and move about. The others offered to help. She said no curtly. Safa, Emily and Harry guess the tension of tomorrow is making her snappy. Miri, Ben and the doctor suspect something else, but now is not the time.
The night comes. The darkness falls. Stars shine. They relax on the island before retiring back to the bunker. Emily and Harry race to grab their sofa. Safa and Ben take one of the others. Safa toes her flip-flops off and lands her feet in Ben’s lap with a grin. Emily does the same to Harry, who shoves them off. She puts them back. He grabs her ankles with one hand and tickles. She screams out and pulls back while hitting him on the shoulder. They pass time, and each counts the seconds that now seem to be crawling by. Each wants it to happen now. Get it done. They’ve trained for it. They’re ready for it.
Ria watches the seconds going by too fast. The countdown is on. The panic inside knots her stomach. She paces her rooms. Worried sick.
Miri takes her lists into the main room for a final verbal briefing of the order of play. The others nod, listen, make comments and mentally prepare.
Then it’s time. Time to say goodnight. They drift to their rooms. Safa and Emily sit on Emily’s bed chatting for a while. Harry reads Mark Twain. Ben lies on his bed deep in thought.
Emily lies awake thinking of tomorrow. How will it feel going back? She knows Miri will be watching her closely. She also knows that if she even attempted anything stupid, the Blue would pop open next to her and Miri would come through with a pistol aimed at her head. Not that she would do anything stupid. Emily is with them to the end. They are the good guys. This is the front. She likes eating crackers and cheese with Harry too much to be anywhere else.
Harry sleeps. A mission is a mission. Nothing new. Nothing to get flappy about.
Safa strides barefoot up the corridor in knickers and a vest. She opens the door, goes in, closes the door and crosses to his bed. He pulls the cover back. She sinks down and rolls on her right side. He rolls to curl up behind her. Cocooning. She smiles and shuffles into him. He smiles and kisses her head.
‘Do what I say tomorrow,’ she says quietly.
‘I will,’ he says.
‘If it goes wrong, I’ll come back for you.’
‘Same.’
‘You did that once before,’ she says, rolling over to look at him.
‘I did,’ he says, kissing her cheek.
‘You worried?’ she asks.
‘Not worried – apprehensive, I think. You?’
‘No. You said it’s the right thing.’
‘It is.’
‘Okay,’ she says, she turns a bit more, tilting her head up. He pauses, unsure of the movement. She smiles, looks at his mouth and swallows as the smile fades. It happens quickly. She moves without thought. Without thinking. Without worrying about what it means. She twists and rises to push her lips at his. Clumsy, awkward, too sudden, too fast. Hungry and needing to do it now. Just a kiss. They kissed in the ocean. Didn’t they? Did she? Neither of them know. Neither could tell what happened after. She thinks about it constantly. She has wanted to kiss him so many times. Every time she comes into his room, she wants to do it. Every hour of every day, she wants to do it. The wall she built was big and thick and it has taken months to lower it enough for this second to be right.