I tightened my jaw.
She cupped my face and I fought the urge to turn away. He may think it himself, but a man doesn’t like to be told to his face he’s scared.
“You’ve known about James for six months. Don’t you think it’s time you stop hiding from who you really are?”
“I’m not hiding. I—”
“Then you should go see Aimee.”
“I—What?”
She stood, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders, her gaze skittering away. “She knows you better than anyone.”
CHAPTER 11
JAMES
Present Day
June 25
Saratoga, California
James doesn’t see any other option. He and the boys must go to Kauai. Natalya’s home. Thomas wants James and Phil to meet at his office, but James doesn’t see the point. He still doesn’t remember what happened that day and as long as he doesn’t, Phil will deny he fired the gun at James. What has James running from his brothers is Carlos’s desperate plea to keep Julian and Marc safe. And he can’t do that when the chance of coming home to Phil in the kitchen instead of his mother is anything greater than his remembering what had incited the fugue state in the first place.
He also needs a place to think, about where he and his sons go from here. Because he has come to accept he can’t live in the same town as Aimee and not be with her. His decision to return to Los Gatos is just another in a long line of bad judgment calls.
But Nick thinks going to Kauai is a mistake. James’s best friend told him as much in the Garners’ backyard over the heat of the Bull grill searing their steaks. James had just happened to mention his relationship with Natalya.
“Is that wise?” Nick asks.
Staying at the house of a woman he’d been in love with? Probably not. They’d known each other for almost seven years. Been intimate for five, sharing a bed, their desires, and their fears. And other than the photos he’d seen on the wall, he can’t recall her face, let alone a single moment spent in her company. No, staying at her house won’t be awkward at all.
His stomach bottoms out as it always does when he thinks of her. Maybe he should get a hotel room.
“The boys trust her.” He swirls the amber ale he’s drinking.
Nick seems to consider this. He reduces the temperature on the grill and removes two steaks, leaving Kristen’s and Julian’s on a bit longer. He grilled hot dogs earlier for his daughters and Marc. Tongs in hand, Nick drags the back of his wrist across his sweaty brow. “Putting an extra thousand miles or so between you and Phil won’t stop him from going after you.”
He knows that. But avoiding Phil isn’t the only reason he’s leaving. He takes a massive drink from his beer. Deep in the pocket of his flat-front shorts, he flips Aimee’s engagement ring on and off his fingertip.
“Julian and Marc will be safer there with her.”
Nick almost drops Kristen’s steak. “You’re leaving them with her?”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“Now might be a good time to start.” Nick looks pointedly at him.
James flips him off.
But his friend is right. Here he is, running off again. He was reckless when he followed Phil to Mexico. And he was reckless when he approached Phil outside that dive beachfront bar.
James freezes, his mouth poised over the lip of the bottle, as a memory blinks in and out of his mind like a blip on a radar screen: Phil at a table with two other men. Locals given their attire, skin tone, and casual demeanor. The image is gone before he can make out the men’s faces and the location. James squeezes his eyes shut. Forcing the images makes his head ache.
Kristen calls from the house that the salad and potatoes are ready. Nicole squeals at the patio table, followed by Marc’s answering laugh. Nick adds the last steak to the plate and brushes down the grill, scraping off food bits. James picks up the plate to take inside.
“Like I said, the boys trust her. And from what I’ve read, I do, too.”
Present Day,
June 27
Two days later, James and his sons are back at the airport and he’s wondering about the woman he’ll see in six hours. She’s family, James thinks as he follows Julian and Marc through airport security. So far, she’s the only member of his family who hasn’t either screwed him over or tried to control some aspect of his life. Quite the opposite, actually. She’s been more than a sister-in-law to him and aunt to his sons. The way he sees it, he owes her. Call him curious, but he wants to meet the woman who once loved him.
By the time they collect their belongings from the carry-on baggage conveyer and James puts on his shoes, Marc is dancing on the balls of his feet. “I have to pee.” He cups a hand over his privates.
James motions to Julian. “Restroom, both of you, then breakfast.”
After a visit to the bathroom and a brief battle with Marc to wash his hands, he orders hot chocolate and pastries for the boys and a coffee and oatmeal for himself. They take their food to the gate, which is packed with vacationers in a multitude of colors and tropical prints, and find a single seat by the window. Marc climbs up on his knees to watch the plane and promptly drops his doughnut behind the chair. He looks at James and his lower lip quivers.
“Idiot,” Julian remarks at the same time he’s splitting his doughnut. He offers the half to his brother.
“Thanks.” Marc wipes a hand under his nose and bites into the doughnut.
James watches his oldest son sink to the floor, back propped against his pack, and is hit with that rapid free fall that comes with déjà vu as though he stepped off the edge of a diving board. He sees himself in Marc. How he curls his fingers as if holding a brush when he has the itch to paint. The tilt of his head when he’s listening to something important. And the reverent way he looks up to his big brother as though Julian’s words are gospel. But for the first time, he sees himself and Thomas in the way Marc and Julian interact. Julian is antagonistic and bossy toward his younger brother and James blames himself. The boys have been through several life-changing events in the last six months. But despite the upheaval, Julian still watches out for Marc while Marc continues to idolize his big brother. They’re closer to each other than to him, which had been the same for him and Thomas with their parents.