“No, I like it,” I said. “But I like it either way.”
His fingers moved delicately over one corner of my lip; our eyes met, and I felt Atticus grow hard beneath me.
ATTICUS & (THAIS)
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I pulled her closer, wrapping my arms around her, and slipped my tongue into her mouth; her hands wound tightly within the back of my wet hair.
“Take me inside,” she said breathily.
I kissed her again; squeezed her tighter against my body.
“Please,” she gasped, “take me inside.”
I got up quickly, her legs straddling my waist; her bottom filled the palms of my hands beneath her short dress, and I carried her inside.
“You have to promise me you’re not sore,” I said, and kissed her hungrily.
“No,” she said with a gasp, and her hands dug into my hair, her fingers pulling it. “I’m not sore and I’m not bleeding—is that why you haven’t touched me since that night?”—(another kiss, hungry and fiery)—“because I was sore and bleeding?”
I was on top of her before I knew I was even in the room.
“Yes,” I said, my mouth opening against hers; a hand moved up her dress.
Thais broke the kiss, and she gazed into my eyes.
“Did it bother you?” she asked, worried. “The blood, I mean?”
“No, love”—I dipped my head and kissed her again, and again—“it didn’t bother me at all”—I kissed her lips and her cheeks and her eyelids and her chin—“I don’t care about that stuff.”
(My breath was quick and eager; the tug between my legs made my eyes tingle and close.)
She looked so angelic with her head against the mattress, her long hair splayed out in waves around her. And God, I wanted her.
“I haven’t been bleeding at all since that night,” she said then. “It was the strangest thing.”
Something clicked inside my brain, and my body froze on top of her.
“What’s wrong?” Thais looked up at me askance, tilting her head against the mattress, her hands on the sides of my neck. “Atticus—”
What did she just say?
“What did you just say?”
My breath became heavier, suffocating me; I stopped blinking; my heart felt like a fist was collapsing around it, crushing the beat out of it slowly.
(Confused, I wasn’t sure of his question. Why is he being so strange? Did I say something wrong?)
“Atticus, I…I’m not sure what you mean.”
Her hands fell away from my neck; she moved them down my arms as they held my weight up above her. “Are you okay?”
I moved off of her and sat upright on the bed.
She sat up, too. She reached out and touched my shoulder.
“You said you only bled that night?”
“Yes.”
I looked over at her.
“I take it bleeding for one night isn’t normal for you?”
THAIS
The question was biting, and I felt it. I just didn’t understand it.
My eyebrows drew together; I kissed his shoulder—maybe that would calm him down? Why did I feel the need to calm him down?
“No, it’s not normal for me,” I said. “I mean sometimes I go months without bleeding, but that’s perfectly normal, and I’m used to it. I don’t understand what you’re—”
“Thais—.”
I startled when he turned toward me sharply, forcing my hand from his shoulder; there was something dark, unforgiving in his eyes and it frightened me.
“I’m going to ask you a question,” he said, “and you’re going to answer me honestly. Do you understand?” It was a fierce demand, spoken in composed words I sensed were anything but.
I nodded with reluctance. I felt a growing sickness in my belly; my shot nerves sent waves of panic firing up my spine.
ATTICUS
I looked Thais in the eyes with such severity, but I hesitated, thinking carefully about my coming words, preparing myself to study every twitch in her face, every pause, every possible lie—just like I did with Mark Porter and Esra and June and Emily and David and Rachel and Shannon and Edgar. I’ll know it if you lie to me, Thais. The only difference was that I could never kill her for it.
“Do you know what a cherry is?” I asked.
THAIS
I drew back my chin; my pinched eyebrows tightened a little more; a bewildered smile crept onto my lips.
“Well, of course I do,” I said. “What kind of question is that?” I chuckled.
But Atticus did not laugh, nor was he smiling—the opposite crept over his features.
“What is it then?” he pressured.
I just looked at him. Is this a joke?
But he was not joking, and when that became apparent, my nervous smile dropped right off my face.
Finally, I answered, “It’s a dark red fruit with a long stem.” I thought it the strangest question I’d ever been asked, and the way he was acting about it, even stranger.
Atticus let out a deep breath.
He shot up into a stand, startling me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He glared down at me, his hands balled into fists at his sides. “Why did you keep it from me?”
“Keep what from you? What are you talking about?” The panic rose up in my voice.
I shot up into a stand, too, and went toward him.
He stepped back, refusing me, held up his hands in front of me.
I looked at them, shocked, and then at Atticus, hurt. I felt my bottom lip quivering, so I bit it to keep it still.
“Atticus—”
“You were a virgin,” he said. “You were a virgin up until the other night, and you didn’t tell me.” He clenched his teeth, even bared them a little; the white peeking through the veil of his angry lips.
I lost my breath; I lost my voice; I couldn’t look at him anymore. I looked down at my feet pressed into the mattress instead. How did he know?
ATTICUS
Her silence, and finally her understanding of everything was all the proof I needed. My fisted hands shook uncontrollably; I could feel the blood rising into my head, rushing hotly through every vein.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Why didn’t you tell me?!”
THAIS & (ATTICUS)
His voice boomed in my ears.
Without even thinking about it, I heaved myself toward him, reaching for him, but he put out a hand and stopped me.
“Don’t touch me,” he barked. “You should’ve fucking told me!”
“Why?” I cried, my small hands compressing into fists with emotion even bigger than he was. “What does it matter?! Why are you acting this way?!”
He stepped toward me, pointing his finger in my face. “Because just as it is your choice to give it away, it should’ve been my fucking choice whether or not to take it! YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME!”
The intensity of his voice stole the breath from my lungs and the beat from my heart.
I stepped back.
He kept moving toward me.
“I had a right to know,” he said. “Why did you not give me that choice? Tell me why, Thais—tell me the fucking truth!”