“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I finally said.
I took a drink, hoping to wash down the awkwardness.
“Oh, go on and talk to her,” David pressed. “If you’re worried about my sister, then don’—she don’ mind.”
“No, I really don’t think—”
David stood, mug of beer clutched in his hand. “Nonsense,” he said with a dismissive gesture. “I’m goin’ out back to clean the rabbit before it goes bad; give you two some privacy.” He bent over and scooped the dead rabbit up.
The sound of his old leather boots went heavily over the creaky boards as he strode past, descended the steps, and left me and Rachel sitting alone as he made his way around one side of the house and out of sight.
Rachel boldly took up residence on my lap, sitting sideways across my legs. I froze in surprise. Her long fingers swept across the back of my neck; her breath was warm and minty; her skin smelled of heat and soap and woman. Instinctively, my hand moved to lay against her thigh, where I squeezed the flesh gently.
The tip of Rachel’s warm tongue snaked out and caressed the shell of my ear. “I have my own room, y’know,” she said. “You can do anything to me you want.” She tugged my earlobe with her teeth.
It’s not about want. It’s about need.
I couldn’t help myself. My mouth found hers, where it lingered, our lips parted, touching, and I breathed hotly into her mouth, letting her taste me—or was it I wanted to taste her? She tried to kiss me fully, and I almost let her, but Thais’ kind and innocent face flashed across my mind, and I helped Rachel off my lap promptly.
Fuck…
“Look, I’m sorry, but this can’t happen.”
After getting her balance from the abrupt move, Rachel stood in front of me, arms crossed tightly over her chest, head cocked to one side with disbelief, her mouth pinched with resentment.
“Why not?” she demanded.
I stood. “It just can’t.” I tried to walk past her.
She stopped me, pressing her hand against my chest.
“Is it because of my mother?” she asked. “You can go in there and ask her right now if she minds, and she’ll just tell us to use her room if we want.”
God, it was so tempting—it had been days since I’d been with Evelyn. This girl was somewhat like Evelyn, and I knew I could probably take her in the same way, without fear of consequence or guilt, and that she’d only thank me for it, and want to do it again, and again, and again.
Rachel made a move toward me, exchanging a bitter face for a genial one. “You could stay here,” she proposed, hopeful. “There’s nothing for you out there on The Road. ‘Cept death. Why don’t you stay here with us where you can have a life?”
“I have a life elsewhere,” I lied.
“It’s a long way from here,” she pointed out. “You’re as good as dead if you try to make that trip on foot—even with a horse.”
She moved in closer, shrinking the space between us, her darkly-painted eyes pleading. “Your sister can stay too,” she added. “I’ll talk to my uncle and my momma—they’ll agree to it. You’ll both be protected here. Just say you’ll stay.”
I stepped around her, intent on leaving her there, but I stopped again when I felt her hand on my arm. I looked at her, long and hard and contemplatively, and she looked at me with the same intensity.
“I’m clean,” she whispered, her eyes sweeping over the curvature of my mouth. “You won’t find a woman like me out there on The Road.” She slipped a hand into her pants, touched herself, and then put her fingers to my lips.
Jesus Christ…
I grew so hard I knew I’d regret it later, but I released her hand and went inside the house.
Thais was sitting on the sofa with Emily and Shannon, her legs drawn up beneath her, laughing and smiling and looking like an angel.
“Atticus, come sit with us,” Thais said, gesturing me over.
Without a word, I walked past them all and went into the kitchen, grabbed the backpacks we’d left on the floor during breakfast, and hoisted them both over one shoulder.
“Where are you going?” Thais called out when I came back through the living room.
“Nowhere,” I answered, in motion toward the door. “I’ll just be outside. Stay here and enjoy yourself.”
The screen creaked closed behind me.
27
THAIS
The smile instantly dropped from my face. What was that all about?
Rachel entered the house then, her mouth pinched on one side.
“What’s goin’ on?” Emily asked.
Rachel marched toward the hallway.
“Rach? Come over ‘ere.”
“I’ll be back,” I told them, and I slipped outside to find Atticus walking through the field.
“Atticus!” I ran after him. “Atticus, please.” I moved around in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. “What happened? Why are you acting this way?”
“I told you to enjoy yourself.” He tried to walk past me, but I wouldn’t let him. “I’m just going to the barn—that’s all.”
I pressed my hand to his chest. “But that’s not all,” I said raptly.
He looked down into my eyes.
“Thais,” he began, “we need to leave within the hour. We have a lot of miles to cover if we’re going to make it Shreveport before Wolf’s men make it to us. All I’m going to do is sit in the barn and take stock of our supplies. And think. I need to look at my map, figure out where the hell we are, and get my head together. For now, go back in and enjoy yourself—it may be the last chance you get for a while.”
I shook my head, my hand still pressed to his chest.
“Atticus”—I paused, and my hand fell away—“maybe we should ask them if we can stay here”—Atticus flinched—“they have so much, and they’re very kind. I like them.”
I moved closer, peering up at him. “We could offer to make ourselves useful—I have many skills. And you can fight; that skill alone is worth more than all the things I can do combined. Look at them, Atticus”—my hand jutted out in gesture—“David and Emily are getting old; none of them look like they could defend this place if someone wanted to take it. They’ve been attacked before; with just the few left, the next time could be their last.”
“We can’t stay here,” he said firmly. “It seems safe for now—a godsend, I admit—but we’ve got men looking for us, and we’re not far enough away from Lexington City. It’s too much of a risk.”
I pressed my lips together in a hard line.
“We don’t even know if they’re looking for us in this direction,” I pointed out. “If that man, Edgar, was telling the truth, they’re probably heading for Topeka—”
“But if he wasn’t—”
“Then we still don’t know if they’re coming this way,” I cut in.
“And that’s my point exactly,” Atticus came back. “We don’t know, and that’s enough reason not to stay in one place for too long, this close to Lexington City.”
My lips snapped shut. I knew he was right, and for a moment, I hated him for it.
I lowered my eyes, my shoulders falling as I released my breath. But then a thought suddenly occurred, and I looked right at him.
“And what if I decide to stay anyway?”
ATTICUS & (THAIS)