“It’s happening,” I said under my breath, pushing my mother’s face out of my mind. “My God, it’s happening…”
I wiped a stream of tears from my cheeks and sniffled back the rest, resolved to rid my thoughts of the memory, and of the frightening images that always accompanied it. I swallowed hard and raised my chin high, trying to reel my strength back in.
“We’ll wait here like Daddy said,” I decided. “At least until tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll come before it gets dark. But we’ll give him until the morning.”
Sosie said nothing.
And we waited. Two hours. Four. By midday, dark clouds rolled in, but so far nothing came from them. We engaged in no conversation—it took more than one person talking to constitute a conversation and only I ever did any talking.
By late afternoon, I was starving. But thirst was a far greater concern, and the heat of the day was only making it worse.
“Come with me to the stream,” I said. “We need water. I would bring you some here but there’s nothing to carry it back in.”
“I’m not thirsty.” Sosie never looked up.
“You have to drink.”
“I’m not drinking the water, Thais.”
“Stop being stubborn.” I clenched my fists with frustration. “You have to drink. Now let’s go.” I bent over and reached for her arm.
Sosie’s head snapped around.
“You’re being stupid!” she barked, her blind eyes straying. “We have no way to sterilize the water, and I’m not drinking it, so leave me alone.”
I felt stupid because Sosie was right.
“Then I’ll make a fire,” I said smartly, trying to come back from my mistake.
I searched for sticks and a proper stone I could use to spark a flame.
“You never could make one like that before,” Sosie said, as if she could see what I was preparing to do. “It’s not that easy and you know it. Besides, if you have nothing to carry the water in, what do you plan to boil it in, genius?”
I lowered my head, felt the sting of shame.
“If you’re so sure Daddy will come for us,” Sosie went on, “then just wait. It hasn’t been long; you can live three days without water.”
Accepting defeat, I gave up and sat against the rock wall next to Sosie, drew my knees up, wrapped my arms loosely around them. I thought about what might happen next, if our father would come for us, what we would do if he didn’t.
Another night fell, but I had a much harder time falling asleep than the night before it. I could do little more than lay on the dirt floor and think of all the things that could go wrong—and those that already had—with just enough energy to swat the bugs off me.
The next morning, I got up and stood at the mouth of the cave again, and looked out over the forest below again, already despising the ritual.
Our father never came.
The only thing to do now was to go back to the town and find him. Maybe he’s wounded and can’t make it to the cave. Maybe he’s hiding somewhere and his only hope of rescue is me. I knew in my heart that if he wasn’t in some kind of trouble—or dead, but I didn’t want to think about that—that he would have found us by now.
“I’m going to the house,” I announced, standing with my back to my sister. “Stay here and wait for me.”
“You shouldn’t go back there.”
“I have to,” I said, turning to face her. “Daddy may need my help.”
“He’s dead, Thais!”—the sheer anger in my sister’s voice startled me—“You know he is, so stop pretending. Accept the truth and move on.”
“Move on to what?” I re-entered the cave; hurt and resentment twisted in my gut. “Even if he is dead, we have to know. We can’t just leave and not know.”
Sosie reached out and grabbed a hold of my knee as I crouched in front of her. “But if you go back there,” she said with determination, “and the raiders are still there, they’ll kill you too. Or worse, they’ll take you away.”
“I won’t let them take me,” I said. “I won’t even let them see me. I’ll be careful.”
“You can’t go, Thais!” Sosie’s fingers dug into my knee. “Don’t leave me here alone!” Her voice boomed and echoed off the cave walls.
I jumped to put my hand over her mouth. “Be quiet,” I whispered harshly.
Not until Sosie became still underneath my hand did I slowly move it away from her mouth.
“And what will I do if they catch you?” she asked with reproach.
I sat down in front of her, determined to make her understand. Reaching out, I touched her dirt-and-tear-streaked face. “You will always have me to help you,” I said. “I know you resent me for being your eyes, but you’re my sister, and if I can’t make myself useful by helping you, then I can’t find a reason to be here. You’re all I have, and I’ll die before I let anything happen to you.” My fingers fell away from her face. “So, if you think I could leave you here alone and let myself get captured knowing you had no one else, then you don’t know me very well at all.”
Sosie’s womanly chest rose and fell with a heavy breath. She took a moment, but she relented.
“Okay,” she said. “You go to the house. But listen to me closely.”
I squeezed Sosie’s hand and gave her my full attention.
“You need to go the other way,” Sosie began. “The way you’d always go when you were on your way back from fishing.”
“Why?”
“Because when you came from that way I could never hear you. The way we took last night, I always knew when you were home because I could hear your feet shuffling through the leaves.”
What Sosie didn’t know was that if there was any place I would be seen, it was her way through the grassy field. The grass wasn’t tall enough to conceal me and I would be out in the wide open. But I didn’t want to tell Sosie the truth. I wanted her to believe that her advice, her observations, were indispensable, needed.
“Okay, I’ll take the long way around,” I lied, leaned in and pressed my lips to her forehead. “But you have to promise me you’ll stay right here”—I pointed at the ground—“in this very spot where you can’t be seen.”
Sosie nodded. “I’ll stay here,” she agreed. “But before you go, please take me somewhere to pee.”
I helped Sosie down the rock incline to relieve herself, and then, reluctantly, I left her in the cave and headed back to the town to find our father. Dead or alive.
3
THAIS
The closer I got to the town, the stronger the stench of smoke; I could taste it in the back of my throat. When the path widened and the leaves became more numerous under my feet, I glimpsed something charred and black out ahead. I stopped, listened for any signs of movement; my heart beat furiously, pushing blood hotly through my veins. I was afraid: afraid to go any farther, afraid to let my sister down, but mostly I was afraid of what I would find.