We adjusted on the bed until his chest nestled against my back and his arms hugged my middle, holding me to him with a tightness that made me feel safe and satisfied. My eyelids drifted close and the exhaustion from the day, from Annie’s accident and from the most mind-blowing sex of my life caught up to me all at once. I couldn’t fight it anymore.
I knew there were things to talk about. I knew doubt would find me in the morning, quickly followed by regret and probably fresh heartbreak. But I physically couldn’t make my mind worry about that right now. I couldn’t make myself care.
Sensing I was slipping, he leaned over me and rubbed his roughened scruff against my check. I felt myself smile, but I couldn’t make my eyes open.
“Kate,” he coaxed in a tone that dripped with contentment and amusement. “Katie,” he whispered. “We need to talk.”
“Mmm,” I agreed. “In the morning.” I wouldn’t ruin this. Not tonight. This had been too perfect… beyond perfect. This had redefined the entire meaning of perfect for me and I refused to give that up tonight.
“Katie,” he murmured. “This changes things.”
I yawned. I was past the ability to speak. Sleep took hold and pulled me under, sending me into the peaceful slumber of relaxed dreams and the wonderful feeling of the most beautiful man’s body entwined with mine.
I woke up once during the night. I blinked awake on the wrong side of the bed with Nick’s arms still holding me to him and his legs, hot and heavy, slotted between mine. His head had pulled back from mine, presumably so he could breathe without my hair suffocating him in his sleep, but I could still feel the steady beat of his heart on my back and his hips tucked against mine, fitting exactly right.
I had a sharp, concentrated moment of panic as the reality of our actions set in. Ice cold lucid thought jerked me awake and kept me there. I felt hysterical laughter bubble in my chest, but I swallowed it down.
How did this keep happening to us?
And why had I ever thought it was a good idea for him to sleep over?
There might actually be something wrong with me.
I lay as still as possible, terrified of waking him. I tried to talk myself through my meltdown, tried to rationalize and reason my way out of it. But I couldn’t.
What we did was going to permanently screw things up between us.
We had mediation in three days.
Oh, my god, he was going to bring up the possibility of being pregnant again.
I thought I would be sick.
I focused on the night sky. I hadn’t closed my blinds tonight because Nick and I hadn’t really been thinking about those things. The stars spread from one side of my vantage to the other, glittering like diamonds on a background of onyx and indigo. The crescent moon hung like a pendant in the middle. Its milky glow stretched and spun in the tranquil sky, turning wispy clouds to gold. I concentrated on those things.
I steadied out my breathing, letting the calming rhythm of Nick’s heart soothe me back to sleep. His body was deliciously warm. He’d covered us with the comforter after I fell asleep and our mingled body heat had become something extreme, but it felt amazing.
He felt amazing.
Choosing to put off my panic till morning, I closed my eyes once again and drifted off.
By the time I woke the second time, he was awake behind me. I could feel his body twitching, his general awakeness intruding on my slumber.
I blinked at the same sky that had sung me to sleep the night before, but the moon and stars were gone, replaced by a soft violet and dusky gray. The sun hadn’t risen yet. It was still very early. But Nick was awake and I knew, before I’d even opened my eyes, that our night was over… that it was time to face our actions.
I let myself stir and stretch lazily against him. I couldn’t quite give this up yet. Just a few more minutes, I promised myself.
“Happy birthday, Kate,” he said with his sleep-roughened voice. His fingers surprised me by lightly running down my hip. “How did you sleep?”