“Perfect!” I say with feigned enthusiasm, knowing my feet will never board the zeppelin. “You boys search for the holding cells. When you find the Lost Boys, meet Lily at the Jolly Roger. She may need Pickpocket’s help to jimmy the lock.”
Pickpocket replaces the revolver in his holster and laces his fingers, cracking every knuckle. “Piece of cake.”
Pete shakes his head. “I don’t like it. I won’t let you face Hook without me.”
“Pete’s right,” Doc says. “One of us should go with you.”
“I’ll be fine,” I say. I turn to Pete. “You be careful. And don’t get caught.”
Pete takes both of my hands in his. He hesitates, gazing into my eyes, and for a moment I’m certain he’s going to kiss me. My pulse beats wildly and my breath quickens. I don’t know if my racing heartbeat is because of anticipation or fright. The pause seems to last forever, and just when I’m sure his lips are going to touch mine, he gives me a playful nudge.
“You and I, we’re Lost Kids. Neither of us will be caught,” he says, staring at his boots.
My heart shrinks and I feel my smile slip.
A hand rests on my shoulder. I turn to see Doc’s resigned expression. “Be careful,” he says, patting me on the shoulder.
Trying to shake my disappointment, I wrap my arms around Doc’s neck. “Thank you for helping me save Joanna,” I whisper into his ear. I feel the muscles in his face pull up into a smile against my cheek before he releases me.
“It’s my pleasure,” Doc says. “Saving people, it’s what I do, and I will always be there when you need me.”
I release him, grateful for his offer. I’ve grown fond of Doc and feel indebted to him for his help. I know I’ll never be able to repay him or any of the Lost Boys.
“We should get going,” I say.
Bella follows Lily as Pickpocket, Doc, and Mole step through the opening and into the lab. I start to turn, but Pete grabs my elbow and pulls me into a bear hug.
“Please, Gwen. I need to know you will be safe. Promise me you’re not going to do anything dangerous,” he says quietly into my ear.
Safe is a word I have not known in a very long time. The weight of responsibility, the burden of being the one in charge, threatens to drop from my shoulders, and the little girl within me fights to break free of the bonds I’ve placed upon her. My eyes well up with tears as I rest my cheek against his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat. Silently, I admonish myself for being so childish, so easily moved to tears, when Pete pulls back from me to look me in the eye.
“Gwen, I—” He stops himself abruptly.
“Yes, Pete?” I ask, trying to steady my own pulse.
He purses his lips, as if struggling with what to say next. “You’re the bravest girl … no, you’re the bravest woman I know.”
The word woman settles over me like a brand-new coat: unfamiliar but comfortable, soft, and warm.
With my sixteenth birthday coming, I consider the implied sophistication that comes with being referred to as a woman. Suddenly, I feel self-conscious. I consider that it’s still been too long since I’ve last bathed. And that my hair is one tangled knot these days. My dirt-stained hand rests on Pete’s chest with fingernails that are broken, cracked, and filthy. Briefly, I wonder if Pete is right, if a woman does lie beneath the mask of grime that covers me; grime that belongs to Everland.
“Pete, any day now,” Pickpocket says from inside the lab.
I drop my hand from Pete’s chest, but before it falls, he places his on mine. “Be happy, Gwen. Only think happy thoughts. If things don’t go right, if something happens to me, get out of Everland. Forget about today, forget about me. Just … just be happy.”
Wiping away a tear from my cheek, I give him a disingenuous nod. I struggle with Pete’s words. Be happy. Finding Joanna and my mother made me happy, but now … now the prospect of having my family together does not seem to be enough. Without Pete and the other Lost Boys, it’ll never be enough.
Pete briskly turns and steps inside the lab, pulling the steel door shut behind him. My pulse races and the world seems to slow down. My heart feels as if it is spiraling, a bomb plummeting to earth, uncertainty eating a hole in my gut.
“Wait!” I call, forcing the words out as a heavy sensation chokes me. Pete stares through the cracked door with piercing green eyes. Eyes I know I will never see again if I go through with my plan.
“Pete?” I say, my voice cracking. “Please don’t die.”
Pete gives me a dazzling smile and bows. “To die will be an awfully big adventure.” He blows me a kiss and pulls the heavy door shut with a metallic clank, leaving me alone in the dark.
The dimly lit walls close in on me and the air feels thin. I gasp as a swell of energy surges through me. I race into the infirmary. Bella and Lily are gathered together, excitedly exchanging conversation, sometimes talking over each other.
Gripping Lily’s elbow, I pull her to attention. “I don’t feel right about this. We can’t let them go alone,” I say, breathing rapidly. “What if they get caught?”
“You can’t worry about him,” she says in a stern voice.