A few minutes later, Peggy comes down and finds me in the kitchen. “It was nice of you to join Sam for a swim,” she says. She has a look in her eye like she knows everything that I’m thinking. It makes me uncomfortable.
She packs up her bag and grabs her keys. “See you tomorrow,” she says. “Make sure you leave me a list of things you need. I’ll be going shopping.”
Peggy is a gift. A Godsend. She takes care of everything I could possibly need and she brought Sam into my life. I don’t know what I’d be doing if she weren’t here. I realize I probably would have turned Kai away and made the situation disappear. I would have thrown as much money as possible at whoever could take Kai. I wouldn’t have my son, and I have Peggy to thank for that.
“Goodnight, Peggy,” I say.
I close up downstairs for the night and go up to my room. After a long, hot shower, I’m dressed in sweats and a tee-shirt.
Kai’s door at the end of the hallway is slightly ajar, and I quietly walk down the hall to his room. He and Sam are sound asleep in the rocking chair. Her hair is still partially wet and pulled into a high bun on the top of her head. It’s a mess and beautiful at the same time. Her head is tilted to the side, and Kai’s head is burrowed into her neck, just under her chin. He has a fist in his mouth that he’s sucking on, and the other is tight on her chest. Their breathing is in sync and perfect.
She looks so peaceful with my son in her arms, I can’t bring myself to wake her up. I pick up an extra blanket from the day-bed and gently drape it over the two of them, momentarily resting my hands on either side of her. I’m so close to her, I can smell the oil that she uses after she swims. Her skin smells like clean and fresh linens. She exhales deeply and her warm breath touches my face. I reluctantly pull away in fear of waking them up.
The day-bed is welcoming and familiar, and I lie down facing them both. I’ll be ready when she needs a break and when my son needs strong, protective hands to soothe him. But can I be strong for him? Can I be the father that he needs me to be?
Sam’s words from a few weeks ago ring in my head as I close my eyes.
“You have to believe, Garrett. Otherwise you have nothing.”
Sam
Present
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 24
“WOULD YOU LIKE AN APPETIZER” the waiter asks as he refills my wine glass.
I’m about to shake my head when Richard interjects. “We’ll have the crab dip.”
The waiter nods his head and quickly walks away. I hate crab dip.
“I haven’t eaten here in so long. It’s great we’ve finally been able to go out. I’m so happy that Marcie insisted we get together. Too bad we couldn’t get together a few months ago, but I’m glad we’re out now.” He’s been talking incessantly since he picked me up thirty minutes ago. He must be nervous or can’t handle a little silence here and there. I make a mental note to punch Marcie in the face for giving Richard my number.
“Wait until you try the crab dip,” he says and reaches across the table for my hand.
I snatch it away and grab my purse. “I have to use the restroom. Excuse me.”
I pull out my phone on the way and text Cassie our emergency code.
ME: GET ME OUT OF HERE CALL MY CELL IN TEN MINUTES
She doesn’t respond right away, but she knows I’m out with him, and I’m sure she’s on high alert. It’s been months since I’ve been anywhere. “You can do this,” I say to my reflection in the mirror. “Ten more minutes and you’re done.”
What was I thinking? I should be home with Kai.
I walk back to the table and sit in my seat. The crab dip is already in between us and I want to gag.
“Here, you’ll love it.” Richard begins to scoop some dip onto my appetizer plate.
I toss my hand over it and say, “No thanks. I’m allergic.” His expression changes from joy to fear in a split second as he believes my lie.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say something before when I ordered it?”