I can’t believe what a turn my life has taken. Never in a million years would I ever have imagined that I’d be yearning to stay home with a child that isn’t even mine. I’ve grown so close to him and feel his every ounce of pain and suffering. I wish I could take it all away so he could be peaceful and pain-free.
I look at myself in the mirror and trace the tired lines around my eyes. I’ve aged more during the past few months than I have in all of my twenty-four years. Is this what my mother looked like at my age? She was beautiful at forty, and I doubt she looked this tired at twenty-four.
“I love you, Mom and Dad,” I whisper into the mirror.
I miss them so much.
Garrett
Present
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 27
“DOES SHE KNOW TODAY’S YOUR BIRTHDAY TOO?” Heath asks as he pulls out of the gate at the end of my driveway.
“No,” I respond. I’m still shaken by the fact that we share a birthday. A day where we both lost parents. My father had control over his demise, but her family did not. I wonder what goes through her mind every year on the anniversary of her parents’ death. I can’t help but think about all of the years I spent wondering where my father was. Did he miss me? Did he want to see me again?
“How long has she been with you? Four or five months?” Heath asks.
“Why?” I ask, wondering why this is a relevant question.
“You’d think you’d know by now what day her birthday is. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t know what you’re getting at. It’s not like Sam and I are… ” What are we?
We arrive at the studio, and everyone’s cars are there. Even Alex’s. It doesn’t seem to bother Heath too much that Alex is still involved with us and our creative process. He’ll be happy if one or two of his songs make it onto the next album. Nothing really fazes Heath, and I like that about him.
Our manager and publicist are both here as well as several suits from the record label. Today is a critical day in planning for our next tour and, for the first time since Kai came to live with me, I dread having to leave him. It’s been a while since I’ve felt the need to escape. He’s growing fast, and his rough patches are starting to become less frequent. I’m conflicted about planning our tour knowing I’m going to have to leave him.
We’ve all filled the room and have jammed around a conference table. Our manager, Tom, shuts the door. “Okay, let’s get right to it. We need to know how committed Epic Fail is to finishing this next album. From what I see, you have two tracks out of twelve complete. What’s going on?”
He scans the room and tries to make eye contact with each of us. Alex is as relaxed as he could be because the pressure isn’t on him at all. He has most of the lyrics written that he wants to present to us. It’s up to us to create the music.
Dax speaks first, as always. “Tom, we all have competing priorities at the moment, and I think we need to lay out a flexible timeline that we can adapt to.”
“We’re booking stadiums for over a year from now and we need to know if you’re going to have a new album to tour with,” one of the record executives speaks up. I don’t know his name, but I think he’s been involved with planning our tours in the past.
“That’s kind of hard to say,” Dax responds.
My mind drifts as voices raise in the room. All I can think about is how big Kai will be this time next year. Will he be walking? Talking? Running? Will he be happy or will he still have residual issues from his drug exposure?
Will Sam still be helping us?
That’s the critical question and my gut tells me no. I overheard her talking with Peggy the other day about trying to get her old job back. Apparently, the hospital administration conducted a full investigation into the death of the little boy that she was caring for. They retracted their decision to suspend her and offered to reinstate her at full pay. I don’t fully understand what happened, but I think that’s good news for her. But bad news for me.
“Garrett?” Tom asks, and I realize that I have no idea what everyone was just talking about.
“I’m sorry, what was the question?” I ask.