“Yes, you are? Aren’t you?” I say through my smile. I rub lotion into her soft skin and say, “Our little graduate. You’re going to grow up to be a beautiful girl.” I hold her tiny feet in the palm of my hand, massaging the lotion gently. “These little feet are going to run along the beach and dance up a storm.” Her eyes search for me as her tongue peeks out of her mouth. I place a pink rubber pacifier against her lips, and she eagerly takes it, sucking on it like her life depends on it. Her eyes roll into her head and she falls asleep. All of this excitement tuckered her out. I swaddle her tight in her blanket and place my hand over the crown of her head. “I’m going to miss you, Hope. Grow big and grow strong.” I say this to all of our graduates—a private moment just for me and my patients.
I turn and look over at Ben. Olivia is back and curled up in her familiar position in the chair. Eyes glazed over, worry set in. She’s nodding her head as Dr. Hagan explains why Ben is back on the ventilator, and I wonder if she’s grasping the dire situation. He isn’t able to breathe on his own, and his heart rate has been dangerously erratic. With a significant brain bleed on top of this, I’m terrified that this is going to end very badly. This can’t end badly.
We can’t lose Ben.
Garrett
Past
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 15
I JAM THE PIECE OF PAPER into my pocket and quietly close my mother’s top dresser drawer. I can’t believe I’m invading her privacy like this, but I really have to take care of something, and she’s the only one who has the answers I need. I tip-toe out of her room and close the door behind me. I pass my room and go down the stairs, two at a time. Before I run out the front door, her voice comes from the den.
“Garrett?”
“Yeah, Mom?”
“Where are you off to?”
“I have a school project that I need to work on with…” My mind goes blank. There is no school project, and I can’t come up with a name to save this lie I’m about to tell.
“Who?” she asks, sensing my tension.
“Rob. You know, Rob Shultz. He has everything we need and he’s expecting me. So I better go.” Rob and I have been friends since third grade. He lives on the other end of our neighborhood, about a ten-minute bike ride away.
“Okay, Bill should be home by six. Will you be home in time for dinner?”
Bill Armstrong married my mother almost six years ago. We moved from Newtown to Villanova, leaving my childhood home behind. He officially adopted me last year after my father’s parental rights were finally terminated. Bill’s a cool dude, and he’s really good to my mother. She’s been happier with him than she ever was with my father, and that makes me feel good.
“I don’t think so. He’s ordering pizza for us.” I lie again.
She places a bookmark into the book that she’s reading on her lap and pulls off her glasses. Shit is about to get serious.
“Is everything okay?” she asks, and I shift back and forth, a bit jittery.
“Everything’s cool.” I wrap my hand around the doorknob and she speaks up again.
“Because you just don’t seem yourself.”
I let go of the handle and run my hand through my hair. “Mom, it’s all good.”
She puts her glasses back on, and the tension eases from my shoulders. She’s going to let me out without grilling me any more.
“Okay, if you say so.” She picks up her book again and opens it to the place where she shoved the bookmark. Her eyes drop to the pages and she says, “Tell Mrs. Shultz I said hi.”
Shit. I didn’t think this through. What happens when she sees Rob’s mom next week at the P.T.O. meeting?
I can’t worry about that now.
I pull the door open and ride my bike down the street. I look at my watch and see I only have ten minutes to make the next train on the Main Line. I increase my speed and turn the corner.
I lock up my bike on the bike rack and jog toward the train station. I’m panting as I reach the ticket booth and slide my money through the window. “Upper Darby.” I inhale deeply so I can regulate my breathing.
A ticket pops up, and my change is pushed back through the small opening. I swipe both and jog over to the track as the train pulls up.