I had come to my room, number 710, and pushed the door open. A single tear dripped down my cheek, and the only thing I wanted was to cry myself to sleep. I’d expected to find an empty room. That wasn’t the case.
Star sat on my bed, her hands neatly folded in her lap and her beautiful blonde hair swept over one shoulder. A tray of food sat untouched on my little table.
Must be dinnertime.
I had no appetite. In fact, the smell of food made my stomach roll. I laid my head against the wooden doorframe.
Star’s head turned in my direction. She took a look at my tear-streaked face and sympathy shined in her eyes. “I heard you had a rough day.”
I blinked away the tears. “Every day is rough.”
“You want to talk about it?”
I shuffled my feet across the floor and plunked down on the bed. Surprisingly, I did want to talk to someone. Star had become my only friend here. It had been a challenge getting her to open up to me, but over the last week, she had blossomed. “I almost killed Tyger today.”
Her lips tipped up. “I heard. He is such a shiweeb.”
I scrunched my nose, giving her an odd look. “What is a shiweeb?”
She shrugged. “I like to make up words. There’s not much to do. I get bored, so I play with words, a little creative swearing. Before the mist, I grew up in a house where cussing was taboo.”
I couldn’t imagine. Swear words made up half my vocabulary. It was bad, but in situations where my life was being threatened, a good asshat or shitface sufficed nicely. “Shiweeb,” I said again, testing it out. “I like it.” I grinned.
“What were you thinking about?” she asked. “You looked so sad when you came in.”
Being in Dash’s arms, kissing him, touching him—stuff I shouldn’t be thinking about. He had a girlfriend, which put a huge damper on us being together. Then of course, there was the little tidbit of my father loathing him. The odds were stacked against us, and yet I couldn’t let go of the little seed of hope that someday things might be different and there would be nothing standing in our way. It might have been only a girl’s fantasy, but it gave me something to hold onto—keep me sane in a tower of insanity.
I blinked, smearing the nearly dry tears with the back of my hand. “Nothing.” I refused to show weakness, even to my only friend, and as sweet as Star was, I was afraid to open up about my feelings for the Slayer. I didn’t know who I could trust.
Except Dash.
And he wasn’t here.
As much as I wished he could be beside me—needed him to be—this was the last place I wanted him. The very last.
I only had a taste of what the Institute could do. Imagining what Dash had been through made a strand of fear coil around my lungs, rendering me breathless. God only knew what else they had in store for me. I’d passed one test, but my dad was already suspicious of my eyes. This place was as unpredictable as the Heights, and I intuitively knew that my parents were hiding something from me. They weren’t allowing me to see the whole picture.
Heart aching, I turned my attention back to Star, forcing my mind to other things—information that I could stow away for the chance to escape, because I was beginning to think I no longer wanted to stay within these white walls. Star was my only source of intel about the Institute.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. We can talk about something else … like Ryker?”
My eyes narrowed. “What about him?” And why had her voice taken on this teasing quality?
She folded her legs underneath her on the bed, the smile on her face beaming. “I heard Ryker has taken you under his wing.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“He likes you.”
“Well, that’s a first. Everyone else wants to fry me, freeze me, hit me, drown me—basically everything short of killing me and anything else they can think of that would cause me physical harm. If Dash was here—” I stopped myself, my chin jutting up in the air. He wasn’t here. He wasn’t going to save me this time. And I needed to get used to looking out for my own sore butt.
“The Slayer?” Star lifted her brows. “You have feelings for him? He is the one you were crying over.”
“Only the kind that make me want to strangle him.”
Star smiled. “Or kiss him.”
I gave her the stink-eye. It was time I stopped worrying so much about Dash and started thinking about how I could break out from under the Institute’s warped thumb. I refused to be a weapon they controlled to do their stupid bidding. The only people I wanted to hurt were those who tried to harm me.
And Dash.
He had left me, not giving me the chance to escape with him. I’d been so consumed with his safety that I hadn’t let myself think about the alternatives. Would I have left with him? Before I had the answers I’d been looking for? I wasn’t positive, but it didn’t stop a ripple of betrayal from pooling up. Anger pushed aside my sadness. Damn my father for putting the seed of treachery in my head.
I scowled. “Right now, I don’t want to kiss anyone.”
“Not even Ryker? I’m pretty sure he would lock lips with you in a heartbeat if he didn’t think you’d electrocute him.”
My lips twitched. “And shock him I would. I’m not interested in complicating my life anymore. I’ve sworn off boys indefinitely.”
Star let out a wistful sigh. “Not me. I think it would be wonderful to have someone to cuddle up to.”
She was lonely. I could see it in her soft brown eyes. “You haven’t found your family?”
Her curls bounced as she shook her head. “I didn’t have much of a family to begin with. Just my grandma.”
“Do you ever think about leaving, searching for her on your own?”
I hadn’t asked the question to make her uncomfortable, but her fingers fidgeted with the fabric on the bed. “It has crossed my mind, but I wouldn’t be able to survive out there. I don’t have any abilities. I’d be lost.”
It was enough that she had thought about leaving here, for it made me feel as if I could trust Star. “I think about escaping,” I admitted. “I don’t know if I can stay here.”
She grabbed my hand, her skin cold and clammy. “Don’t say that. Promise you won’t tell anyone. I don’t want to get in trouble.”
Genuine fear rang in her voice, and I gave her fingers a squeeze. “I swear, Star. I won’t.” But seeing that instant leap of distress, I wanted to know why me possibly being a blabbermouth caused her such fright. “Has anyone threatened you?”
“No, why would you think that?” Her words were rushed, and her eyes darted over the room. I could spot a lie a mile away.
“You don’t have to be afraid,” I whispered. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. Ever. I swear it.”
“As noble as that is, you can’t be everywhere at once. Besides, I’m fine.”
Fine, my left butt cheek. She was lying. What isn’t she telling me? But I knew if I pushed her while she was jumpy, Star would only clam up. “Okay, if you insist, but you can trust me, Star. I’m your friend.”
A wistful gleam moved into her eyes. “We’re friends?”
I nodded. “You’re kind of my only friend.”
She beamed, the grin on her lips growing.
That night I sincerely thought about leaving the Institute, just walking out the front door and never looking back.