“Rebel, you can’t—”
“I know what it’s like growin’ up in a broken home. I know violence, and I know blood. That’s it,” he said out of nowhere, pausing to allow his words to sink in. “Never met anyone like you. I was drawn to you the second your pretty face walked into the clubhouse that night. Stickin’ out like a sore fuckin’ thumb. You didn’t belong there. Not in that life. I knew it wouldn’t take long for one of the brothers to come at you, you’re fuckin’ beautiful. The club whores I grew up around, don’t hold a fuckin’ flame to you. I couldn’t ask for a better girl to be carryin’ my kid. I don’t regret that night, cuz you’re the one fuckin’ thing I’ve ever done right.”
I took a deep breath, overwhelmed by his confession.
“Can’t believe that’s a surprise to you. You’re fuckin’ perfect, Mia. The more I’m around you, the more I want to be around you. Don’t give a fuck if this makes me sound like a pussy, cuz you’re worth it.”
“Jesus, Noah.”
“I know it’s a lot to take in. Been keepin’ that shit bottled up for so fuckin’ long. You needed to hear it, and I needed to fuckin’ say it to you.”
“Broken home?” I found myself asking. Thinking back on what Diane had told me the day before.
He shook his head, huffing out, “You don’t know a damn thing about Creed, do you? Cuz if you did, you’d know how we grew up.”
“That’s not fair.”
“No shit. Life ain’t fair. If it were, you’d be mine right now. Not with Creed. He knows nothin’ about you. You’re just playin’ fuckin’ house.”
“Rebel, I’m your brother’s girl. End of story. I don’t want to come between the two of you. But to be fair, you don’t tell me anything about your life, either. So if you’re going to throw damn stones, it’s best not to live in a glass house,” I sincerely spoke, causing his expression to harden right before my eyes. “Creed loves me.”
“You’d be hard to not love, pretty girl.” He leaned over, placing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
I jerked back, moving away from him. “You can’t say shit like that to me. It’s not right.”
“Right for who? Creed? He ain’t here now, is he? I am. Sittin’ in front of you. Tellin’ you I want you on the back of my fuckin’ bike. I had you first, Mia, and I know you may not love me, but you sure as fuck have feelings for me. Try to deny it, I fuckin’ dare you.”
I sighed, dumbfounded by the turn of events. I would be lying if I said I didn’t care about Noah. I did, very much so. He was the father of my unborn baby, how could I not. “Rebel, I know you’re going to be an amazing daddy, and I can’t tell you how grateful and lucky I am that you want to do right by her, but—”
“I wanna do right by you, too.”
“Then back off,” I let out harshly. My emotions started to get the best of me.
“What if I don’t? Huh? What are you gonna do? I’m the father of your child. We made a baby, I ain't goin’ anywhere. I owe it to our girl to fight for her momma, and not even you can fuckin’ stop me.”
I tried to remain calm, remembering the Jameson men were as stubborn as mules. “Listen, okay? I care about you a lot. I will admit that. And maybe in a way, I do have feelings for you, but it’s nowhere near what I feel for Creed. Do you understand that? Maybe in another life or another time, it would have been different, but in this life, in this time... I’m your brother's. And I’m not going to apologize for that.” The air grew so thick between us. I was surprised I could still see him through the dense fog filling the small space. I didn’t want to hurt him. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I reached over and grabbed his hand, placing it on my belly. “We’re both in this for the long run.” Gesturing toward my stomach. “No one is ever going to take that away from you. You’re her father. Always and forever. I’ll never keep her from you. I promise you that. I give you my word.”
As if on cue, baby girl kicked, making Noah and me laugh. I was glad she chose that moment to break up the tension that filled the entire room. There were no more words to be had after that, when there were probably hundreds that should have been spoken. We spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies on the couch, laughing and eating popcorn, but my thoughts never drifted far from Creed. And as much as I wanted to pretend that this was the end of our compromising situation. I knew Noah’s mind never drifted far from...
Me.
I took one last drag of my cigarette, stubbing it out on the side of the safe house, flicking it out to the front yard. Mia told me some shit about always making sure I put out my cigs before throwing them into the woods. Rambling on about needing to prevent forest fires. A fucking bear named Smokey taught her that in school when she was younger. I looked at her like she was fucking crazy, reminding her that bears didn’t talk.
I don’t know where she came up with half the shit that left her mouth, but I loved her nonetheless. I chuckled to myself, remembering the morning I was teasing her about sleeping on me instead of on the bed. She responded with some more shit about us being fucking lobsters. Mating for life. Trying to convince me that was how they slept. Saying her Aunt Lily had been telling her that story all her life, and that she needed to find her own lobster one day.
So, I guess I was her fucking lobster. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.
I nodded over at the two brothers who were standing guard outside, before opening the front door to the safe house.
“Hey!” Mia called out from the couch when she saw me walking in. “You actually came back during daylight. This is new. I was beginning to think you were only nocturnal.” She smiled, walking over to where I stood. Rising up on the tips of her toes to kiss me. “I like it.”
“I fuckin’ missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
I hadn’t seen her in a few days, too many for my liking.
It had been well over a month and a half since she’d gone missing. Nothing had changed back at the clubhouse, same ol’ shit different day. We continued to run in circles, heading down the same road to nowhere. Watching over our shoulders everywhere we went, just waiting for more bullshit to occur.
I kept thinking about the cryptic text message Martinez had sent me the day he died. But to be honest, I was so consumed with the situation at hand that I had no time to actually put any effort into it. As soon as I knew Mia was out of harm’s way, you best believe I’d be getting to the fucking bottom of it. There was a reason he sent me that compromising photo of my ma. I just needed to take some time and look at the disc he gave me. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to fucking like what I saw.