“What?” I asked, dreading her answer.
“His life is tied to yours.” She swallowed thickly and hesitated before adding, “If you die, so does he.”
Chapter 18
STUNNED, I GRABBED MY STUFF and left Adelaide’s room without a word. I was shocked, to say the least. I opened her door and walked past Theo into my room.
Dinner was soon but I wasn’t hungry, and I certainly didn’t want to take part in the Halloween celebration.
Theo caught the door before it closed and came inside. Even if it had closed it wouldn’t matter. He could pull out his handy dandy key. He’d better hope I never found it because if I did I would flush that sucker down the toilet. After our kiss and the subsequent silent treatment he bestowed upon me, it would’ve been nice to have my room all to myself.
Nigel jumped up on the bed and rubbed against me. I scratched his chin as he purred. “Hey, boy,” I murmured.
At least someone likes me.
“Mara?” Theo asked softly, hesitantly, neither of which was very Theo-like. “What’s wrong?”
I paused, gathering my thoughts. “Adelaide said we’re connected. That if I die, you die. What else does it mean?” I looked up to meet his eyes. He didn’t say anything. “What does it mean?” I screamed at him, desperation leeching into my words. I wanted answers not these vague half-truths I kept being fed.
He flinched.
“You told me when you were little you used to dream about me. Do you still do that?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Are they dreams or visions?”
“I don’t know.” He ran a hand through his black hair. “Both, maybe.”
“What other freaky protector powers do you have that you haven’t told me about yet?” I lashed out at him.
“I can sense you,” he answered softly.
“You’ve already told me that,” I snapped, my fists clenched at my sides. Power barely radiated through me, but it was growing stronger, I could feel it pulsing and if it burst forth from the dam neither one of us would be safe.
“I wasn’t completely honest then,” he admitted sheepishly. “Yes, I can sense your whereabouts, almost exactly, but I can also sense your emotions and even your thoughts.”
“You can read my mind?” I shrieked and threw my mask at his head. He caught it before it made contact with his skull. Damn him.
“No. I can only pick up bits and pieces here and there. I can usually only do it when you’re very emotional about something. Usually I only hear your thoughts when you’re angry with me.” His lips quirked in a smile like this fact pleased him.
“Oh, great.” I threw my hands in the air. “That’s just fantastic.” I put my face in my hands, imagining all the things he’d heard and felt. “I hate this,” I whispered under my breath.
Theo leaned against the wall and toyed his lip ring with his teeth. “What else did Ade tell you?”
I sighed. “She said protectors are even rarer than Chosen ones. That you’re born to protect a particular person, not assigned.” I had pretty much figured out that information on my own when Theo had been telling me about his past but it was different having it confirmed.
“That’s true,” he said softly.
“Why us?”
He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ve asked myself that question many times over the years. I’ve never found an answer. If you think of one, let me know.” He chuckled humorlessly under his breath. He sat down beside me on the bed. His arm brushed mine and energy vibrated between us. This was the closest we’d been since the kiss, except for class.
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I don’t really know what to say, except I’m sorry you’ve been dealt this card in life.”
“I think you’ve been through a lot more than I have.” My anger melted out of my body.
“Life sucks.” He shook his head. “But I know now to protect those I love.” He turned to me and those silvery gray eyes rooted me to the spot. “You can hate me all you want, Mara, but I’ll never let anything happen to you.” He sighed and continued. “I know I haven’t treated you very well these past few months and I apologize. It’s easier that way.”
“It’s easier if I hate you?” I asked, incredulous.
He rubbed his face, his hands rasping against dark stubble. “Yeah.”
“How is that easier?”
“Feelings are a complicated thing, doll face.”
I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “Theo … I, unfortunately, could never hate you.”
His lips quirked in a small grin. “That’s nice to hear.”
“Why?”
“I could never hate you, either.” His voice was suddenly husky. He leaned toward me. His breath stirred my hair and my eyes fluttered closed. I thought my heart skipped a beat.
His lips brushed lightly against mine, barely touching, but it was enough. A sudden fire burned in my veins. I reached over and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my fingers in his silky black hair. His fingers splayed across my back and he pulled me to him. His body was hard against my soft curves. Electricity rolled off of us in waves. We were combustible.
He grabbed me and slid me onto his lap. I rolled my hips against him and he groaned low in his throat. The sound spurned me on and I grabbed his cheeks, angling my mouth over his. He moaned the moment our lips touched and my whole body responded to the sound, melting in his arms. His hands glided up my thighs to my hips, and finally slid under my shirt to touch my bare skin.
I jerked away, his touch against my skin like a bucket of ice water being dumped on my head.
This was wrong. I was with Winston.
I pulled away, breathing heavily. I leaned my forehead against his arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong.”
“How can something that’s wrong feel so right?” he asked so softly that I wasn’t sure I had heard him clearly.
“I don’t know.”
“I really fucked things up with you.” He laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. “I can be a real dick sometimes.”
“Sometimes?” I pulled away and raised a brow. “Try all the time.”
“I need to work on that,” he murmured. He looked over at me and met my gaze. “I’m really sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I’ve been a lousy protector.”
“Why did you kiss me that night?” The words slipped out before I could stop them.
Theo rubbed his face. “Do you want the honest answer or the dickhead one?”
“The honest answer,” I said, even though I was afraid that it might backfire in my face.
“I didn’t lie to you that night when I said I loved you. I do, Mara. Against all logic, I love you. As your protector, I’m not allowed to have those feelings. I kissed you because I hoped …” He swallowed. “I hoped if I kissed you I could get it out of my system. That obviously didn’t work so I …”
“So you pushed me away instead.”
“Exactly.”
“Where does this leave us?”
He closed his eyes and grimaced as if in pain. “We can’t be together, Mara. We can’t.”
“I don’t want to be enemies anymore.”
He turned to me. “Then I guess we better be friends. Even though I think that will be impossible. At least on my end.”