"You know exactly what's wrong. You told me your cousin was a girl--"
"No, I didn't," she cuts in, pausing before she adds, "I've never once said that. But does it change anything?"
I run my hand over my face, realizing she's right. I've assumed her cousin was female from the moment she mentioned it. I guess I just couldn't entertain the idea of it being a guy.
"A male roommate is a way, way different deal than a female roommate," I say. "For reasons I think are obvious."
Her hand comes up to her throat and her fingers fan out there. In that moment, she looks guilty. "I worried you might have reservations. But I just wanted you to meet him first before you dismissed the whole situation."
"Oh, I've met him. I had the pleasure of having him try to pick me up just this morning."
Ava's hand leaves her throat and moves to the space between her eyes. "Crap," she whispers.
Crap isn't the word I'm thinking of at the moment. My mouth opens as I start to say the deal is off. That I don't want to move in, but I stop before the first syllable, realizing my words will make my decision final and that maybe I need another moment to think it over.
I can't spend another second at my uncle's house. While my uncle has been a neutral party in what I've been going through, even offering to let me live with him until I found my own place, my aunt has very decisively taken her stance. Her judgment is clear in the way she's short with me, barely even looks at me if she can help it. Her general attitude creates a tension I can hardly stand. I've tried sticking to my room, staying out of her way, but it seems that my mere presence in her house is leaving stains on her walls. All of her walls. The way she looks at me, like I'm something dragged in from the trash, is just a reminder of what I'm trying to wipe clean.
I'm not here to make best friends with my roommates. That was just a stupid, little girl fantasy of mine. The reality is that roommates just need to get along and be civil. I'm an adult. I can do this. I really can.
But can I? It's not just the issue of Giles rubbing me the wrong way from the moment I met him, but it's also the idea of living with a man. It all brings up a tiny, childish voice in the back of my head that warns my parents wouldn't allow it. And the guilt that comes along with that thought is one I've basically lived my life trying hard to avoid, never doing anything my parents would disapprove of.
And that is such bullshit. Those same parents turned their backs on me, quick to jump to conclusions and cruel accusations that ultimately tore our relationship apart. My parents don't get a say in my life choices. Not anymore.
Ava puts a hand on my shoulder and I almost flinch at the interruption from my thoughts.
"Just think about it for a minute. It's really not a big deal," she says. "He'll be at the other end of the hall from us. You won't have to share a bathroom, and plus, he's going to take summer classes so he'll rarely ever be home. Once fall rolls around you're busy with work and classes, you two probably won't see each other at all."
Maybe she doesn't think her efforts to sway me are working because she changes tactics.
"I swear he's a good guy, he's just going through a lot of stuff right now. And to top it all off, his girlfriend dumped him and kicked him out of their apartment. I know he doesn't look it, but he's pretty torn up about it. He's family and I can't turn my back on him. Not to mention, he's offering to pay the larger portion of the rent and I am out of options." Her foot taps the floor at faster intervals as she continues, "Come on, Julia...don't make me have to look for another roommate, you're perfect. It's all going to work out, I promise."
I'm chewing on the back of my thumb when Ava pauses, waiting for me to respond. Her promise doesn't really mean anything to me right now, but I understand she's as desperate for me to move in as I am to leave my aunt's house.
This fear instilled in me by my conservative parents, to cringe away from things out of their norm, is ridiculous. Lots of people have roommates of the opposite sex. I'm the only one making a big deal out of nothing.
Dealing with a personality like Giles just requires that I set my foot down from the very beginning--which, I think I already have.
"Okay," I say, finally. "Okay, I'm in."
She lets out a breath and half rolls her eyes as though she knew that would be my answer all along.
Ava and I walk back into the living room to find Giles sitting back comfortably on the armchair.
"Everything all right?" he asks.
"Yeah," Ava and I say, almost in unison.
"Sorry I'm late," he goes on, "I got caught up with--"
"Gross," Ava cuts in. "Is that a hickey?"
He doesn't bother answering.
"But Ava said you just got dumped," I blurt out.
They both look at me and I know I've said the wrong thing by the way his carefree expression slips for a fraction of a second.
Ava half laughs and shakes her head at me. "Way to make things awkward, Julia."
Giles runs a hand down the front of his shirt, then says, "I guess you heard? I got cheated on and kicked out of my apartment."
"Well, it was her apartment, I told you not to move in with her," Ava says with a preachy undertone. "And don't act like you're a saint."
"I never cheated on her," he snaps, and his tone makes me stand up straighter. It's the way he says it, with a quiet outrage that she would even suggest it. He seems to realize his overreaction and softens his tone. "What I do now is none of her business."
"You mean who you do. As in, half the campus," Ava mutters.
"Okay," I jump in, "can we maybe not...air dirty laundry right now?"
There's an awkwardness hanging over this entire discussion and there's nothing I can do about it. I guess it's my fault for steering the conversation in this direction in the first place.
"Nice to meet you again," he says to me.
"I'm sure it is," I say, shooting him a mocking grin that delivers all the words I won't say at the present moment.
But the longer his attention remains fixed on me, the tighter the knots in my stomach become, knots I didn't realize were there to begin with.
The silence prompts me to look at Ava, who stands beside me with her phone in her hand, though she's looking from me to Giles with an almost bored expression that matches her tone when she says, "No banging roommates, all right, you two?"
A snort escapes me, embarrassed and caught completely off guard.
"I think we all know why that won't be a problem," he says easily. "Right, Julia?"
A curious expression flashes across his face and I have to catch myself from revealing surprise at what he just said.
"Right," I agree, but all I can think is...
What the hell does that mean?
Chapter Three
Julia
"JAMESON ON THE ROCKS."