Emma in the Night

They lived on the Outer Banks. That’s a place on the ocean in North Carolina where a lot of people have boats and know about the tides and currents. It explains why they were comfortable living on an island, apart from the rest of the world.

As I knew from my time with them on the island, they could not have children. They had adopted a little boy, Julian, through an agency. His mother lived not far away from them, and she was very poor. She was a single mother with five children already and she did not have the money to take care of another one. They went through a legal process but this woman, the biological mother, later confessed to receiving money for choosing them as the adoptive parents. That part was not legal. It is okay to pay for medical expenses and things like that, but not cash. Still, it’s done all the time. People who want children and can’t have them—sometimes they don’t care about what the law says. This woman needed money, and they needed a baby.

Bill’s parents had died and left him what they had. It was a small fortune—enough to buy a baby. And enough to disappear after that baby died. And Lucy’s mother had left her the house on the Outer Banks. Her father was estranged from her. She had one older brother who lived in Louisiana and was married with his own children. So Lucy’s mother gave her the house when she died, her and Bill. Maybe it was some kind of consolation prize because she could not have children. Maybe she felt guilty that she had given Lucy a body that couldn’t conceive them. I have wondered a lot about Lucy’s parents because I don’t think Lucy was the way she was by accident. And I don’t think it was only because of what happened to the baby she’d bought from that impoverished woman.

That baby, Julian Peterson, was taken by the ocean and died a tragic death.

He had just turned two. They were out on their boat for a short excursion. He was wearing a life vest. The water was calm.

It’s not exactly clear what happened, except that the bow hit a rock, making the boat stop abruptly. A stern line flew out of the boat and got pulled into the motor. Julian’s leg was tangled in that line and he got pulled over, tangled in the rope and pulled overboard and into the blades. When I heard this about the accident, I wondered where Lucy was on the boat when her precious child was getting tangled up in loose lines.

I looked up the story myself as soon as I heard. I used my mother’s computer. It was in the archives of the Outer Banks Sentinel. There were several articles. The first ones described a horrible freak accident and depicted Bill and Lucy as victims of profound loss. After finally becoming parents, God took their child in the most brutal, horrific manner. There were pictures of them leaving the funeral, crying, dressed in black clothing. The caption read COMMUNITY LENDS SUPPORT AS LOCAL COUPLE GRIEVE FOR CHILD.

But then the facts started to seep from the cracks in the story they had created there, the payment to that woman, the lies on their adoption application. Bill was a convicted felon—fraud and embezzlement while working as a bookkeeper for a small business in Boston. And Lucy had been fired from a job as a nursery school teacher for unspecified “conduct” that, when people were interviewed about it, turned out to involve obsessive attachments to some of the children. No, they were not wholesome, God-fearing people who’d lost their child. They were lying, cheating baby-stealers who had bribed a poor mother to give up her child and then allowed him to die in that boating accident with their negligence.

They were not charged with a crime for the accident. But the DA was looking into the payments made to the biological mother.

It didn’t make national headlines, and the Petersons just up and left one day. They were not under arrest, so they could do what they wanted. They took over $500,000 from their accounts, in cash, and disappeared.

When I heard this story from an agent at the Bureau and then read about it on my own, I immediately pictured Lucy in our house on the island, down in the living room, staring out the window at the ocean. I believe she was looking for her child, the one she watched die. Julian. And then I pictured her the way she was with the baby, the baby she named Julia, so sure of herself as she cooed at her, bounced her on her knee, slung her over her hip while making dinner. I pictured her on that boat, her face filled with satisfaction at being a parent. Feeling vindicated for the wrong done to her by God or her mother or the Universe. Meanwhile, she had not secured the stern line. She had not had a hand on that little boy. She had not been looking at the map for rocks. I could see her. So confident. Feeling so worthy to have this child in her care. Thinking she was doing everything right. Believing she was perfect. All the while being so careless.

I thought about those cards I used to make for my mother. Number One Mother! Greatest Mother in the World!

I think there was a reason Lucy Pratt could not have children.

Just like there are lawyers who should not be entrusted with guarding over children.

I did not have time to consider philosophical implications of this story about God and fate and whether there was any divine justice in the Universe, because my father was devastated by the blood and thinking Emma was dead.

“He killed Emma! I know it! I know she’s dead! He killed her and then they went and escaped with her little girl!”

He went on like this all afternoon, until they ran a test that confirmed that the blood found on the boat and dock was a man’s. But before that test came back—hours, it seemed—his despair was like an opening into his soul, and I was able to look into that opening and see that for my father, hope is just a word. Even after my return and after the search for Emma began, he could not feel joy at seeing me or hope of finding Emma, because there was always too much fear of losing us again, or seeing that we’d been damaged, or the world was coming to an end in a fiery apocalypse. He could not allow himself to ever be happy. I don’t know if this thing about my father was created because my mother had sex with Mr. Martin and left him, or if it was this thing about him that drove her to do it.

Witt saw into the opening as well. We gathered at our father’s house after we heard the news. Witt is very strong and he held our father tight while he cried. We were sitting in the kitchen, and Witt just kneeled down in front of his chair and pulled him in. When my father was done crying, he went to his room to lie down. I’m sure he smoked some pot first or maybe took a pill, because he was very eager to leave and I know from experience that when someone is that upset, they can’t just go and rest without taking some kind of drug. I did not judge him. I had taken Dr. Nichols’s pills.

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