My phone pings.
Oh, right. I forgot to tell you. They’re the other Angels. Sorry—I guess it wouldn’t be obvious that we’re friends in real life too.
I look around at them. These are the Angels on my forums? The next rung down on the popularity ladder from me? And all in one place?
My head feels light. One hand goes for my phone and the other searches at my side for something to hold on to, but there’s only open air.
Wallace goes on. Cole is Fire Served Cold, Megan is Quake, Leece is Tree Chimes, and Chandra is Dark Switch.
It doesn’t mean much until I put the formatting with the names. I see them all the time in different parts of the forums:
Fire_Served_Cold, rainmaker’s friend, who hangs around the live chats.
QUaKE, who supervises the roleplaying boards.
*treechimes*, who can be found fangirling over the Monstrous Sea custom merch threads.
And darkSwitch, who draws probably the best fan art I’ve ever seen in my life.
With Wallace as rainmaker, together they make the Angels, the guardian clans of Orcus. In the story, the Angels are the ones who keep the planet in balance. When something—like the corrupted hand of the Alliance—threatens that balance, they intervene. These Angels keep the balance on my forums, as moderators.
I feel like I stepped into Power Rangers. They wait for me to say something.
“Um” is all that comes out.
“You make a great Kite Waters,” says Cole. “Too short, though.”
“Cole,” Megan warns. She bounces the little girl on her lap, who giggles. “You look great, Eliza, don’t listen to him. Now sit down, both of you. Eat something!”
It’s half invitation and half demand. I slide onto the seat next to Wallace. The saber gets stuck in the chair legs.
“Turn me toward, Wallace!” cries the girl on the computer, Chandra. Cole swivels the laptop around until Wallace and I appear in the webcam. I sink down farther, face hot. “Wallace,” Chandra says, “what is this nonsense about the new Auburn Blue chapters not going up soon? Izzy and Ana are the only canon ship I like, you cannot disappoint me with this.”
Sorry. Wallace shrugs. Soon. I have the rest of the story outlined, I just have to find time to write it. School’s been killing me lately. And with the transcription . . .
“Oh, yes, the transcription you won’t let anyone see yet.”
You can see it when more is finished!
“Don’t worry about it, Wally,” says the other girl, Leece. Leece and Chandra sit in two very different rooms; Chandra’s walls are blank and dark brown, while Leece’s are bright and covered in Monstrous Sea posters. A huge stuffed seacreeper rests beside a pillow behind her. “If you have the inspiration to work on the transcription, do that. Besides, Chan doesn’t know what relationships are good for her.”
“Excuse you!” Chandra barks. “Were you there when Izzy and Ana were forced into their arranged marriage? Were you there when they formed a relationship of mutual trust over the inner workings of airship engines? What about all the times they saved each other while fighting the Alliance? They never even knew if they romantically loved each other—they just grew together. And that is perfect and beautiful and no one can take it from me!”
“Excuse me, everyone?” A voice comes over the speakers. The girl dressed as a sushi roll at the cash register holds a microphone. “It’s almost time for the costume contest. If you’d like to be entered, please come fill out an entry card and put it in here.” She holds up a jar shaped like a grinning skull.
“Oh, yes.” Cole pushes himself out of his seat. “Anyone else entering? Wallace and Eliza, don’t answer. I’m putting your names in anyway.”
Before I can say no, Cole is gone.
Wallace’s shoulder bumps mine. He’s always like this, he texts only to me. We won’t do it if you don’t want to.
I dig my fingers into the edge of the seat and stare at the tabletop, deepening my breaths so it doesn’t feel so much like my lungs are being crushed. Stand in front of all these people, in this costume that isn’t even mine, and expect them to, what, applaud? I’ll fall on my face.
“Eliza?”
I look up. Wallace, Megan, Leece, and Chandra all stare at me.
“Um, what? Sorry?”
“Oh, honey, don’t look so worried!” Megan says. “I just asked how long you’ve liked Monstrous Sea.”
“Maybe three years?” I say.
“Wow, so you liked it pre-Masterminds,” Leece says.
I liked it pre-everything.
“Is Kite your favorite character?” Chandra asks.
“Uh, no . . . Izzy is.”
“Mine too!” Chandra jumps in her seat, her squeal loud enough to crackle the computer speakers. “No one understands the greatness that is Izarian Silas! That idiot Cole dresses up like Rory as if he’s the best Silas, but the only reason Rory Silas is any good is because Izzy is his father!”
On the other side of the screen, Leece gasps.
“Take that back, you whore!”
Chandra cackles. Megan belatedly covers the toddler’s ears, but the toddler isn’t paying attention anyway. Wallace shakes his head and smiles.
CHAPTER 14
Cole marches back, chest puffed out in pride, with three cups of punch for him, me, and Wallace. Megan has a no-spill water bottle that the toddler knocks over every ten seconds. I nurse the punch close against my chest and hunker down in my seat while the five of them talk. I am better this way, unseen and unheard, hidden in Wallace’s bulky shadow. Some of the other Monstrous Sea fans have migrated away from our table, so I turn my face to the empty space beside me whenever I need to breathe.
I learned years ago that it’s okay to do this. To seek out small spaces for myself, to stop and imagine myself alone. People are too much sometimes. Friends, acquaintances, enemies, strangers. It doesn’t matter; they all crowd. Even if they’re all the way across the room, they crowd. I take a moment of silence and think:
I am here. I am okay.
Then I let myself listen in on the conversation again, and slowly slip back into it.