I got a condescending glare, instead. “Why is there only one silver?”
“The blue ones are all boys.”
And there it was. The giggle that got me through so much fucking shit. To this day it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. I had almost forgotten what it sounded like, and that was something I never wanted to forget. Even if it was quickly silenced, it was enough to take me a long, long, fucking way.
“Thank you, Damien, but none of this changes anything. You can’t show up here after a year and a half with a present and think everything is okay. It’s not. I tried calling you, I stopped by your apartment even though I promised myself I’d never step foot in there again. But I did it for you. I was worried about you. I mean, I can’t imagine what it was like to lose your wife. To a car accident of all things.”
I kept my composure, knowing it was the lie that Rosarío conjured up to tell her. Simply stating, “We’re not talking about her.”
“I know… I get it… To love someone and—”
“I love you, Mu?eca. I’ve always loved you, and I always will.” It was the first time I’d ever expressed those three words to her out loud. I had to finally say them. They stayed dormant, pent up in me for as long as she had been in my life. She didn’t try to hide the heartwarming expression on her face this time. Even though she already knew my feelings, I think a part of her also knew how hard it was for me to express them to her.
To anyone…
But especially her.
She swallowed hard. “Damien—”
I was over to her in one stride, sitting on the coffee table in front of her. I placed my hands on the sides of her face and gazed deep into her eyes underneath our stars. Finally uttering my fucking truth to her. “I came here to wish you a happy birthday, to give you your gift, and to tell you I fucking love you, Mu?eca. I will always, no matter what, love you. I need you to remember that. You think you could do that for me?”
Her eyes followed my every word. They were my undoing, filled with so much love for me still, but in one quick movement, she grabbed my wrists, pulled my hands off the sides of her face, and stood. Walking away, leaving me sitting there wondering what the fuck just happened.
With a cold stare, she instantly spewed, “Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you can just show up here one day and…and what, Damien? Pick up where we left off?” She glared at me, slowly shaking her head in a calculated motion. “Like we’re just going to go back to the time you looked at me like someone you used to know? Or worse, someone you didn’t?”
I stood, abruptly walking over to her. She didn’t cower down when my large, muscular frame overshadowed hers as I pressed her against the wall. Closing her in with my arms at the sides of her face, needing to prove my fucking point. Her resolve shattered when I leaned forward, slowly moving my lips over to her ear. My hot breath igniting tingles to run down her spine. I whispered, “I miss you. I love you. I’m in love with you.” One by one her reactions radiated off her skin, causing all sorts of other sensations. I had my girl right where I wanted her.
Vulnerable.
I could feel her tense frame tremble at my mercy. Knowing damn well I was at her mercy too.
It didn’t take much for my mouth to be close to hers. I pulled her closer to me by the nook of her neck until I could feel her unstable breath against my lips. Assaulting every last fiber of my fucking being.
I groaned inches away from her lips, “Does this feel like someone who doesn’t know you?”
“You can’t—”
“I can’t do what? Eh? Tell me, Mu?eca? What the fuck can’t I do? Because I’m not the one who’s pretending like they don’t know every last thing about me.” I suddenly grabbed her wrists and brought them above her head. Holding them hostage in my tight grasp while I softly gripped onto the front of her neck. My thumb and index finger clutched over her pulse that heightened with my touch. “All I’ve ever done is try to protect you. From Emilio, from my father… from me.”
She shut her eyes, my words too painful for her to hear.
“You’re safe, and that’s all that has ever mattered to me. You deserve so much more than anything I could ever offer you, Amira. But exactly like those constellations, neither one of us knows where one starts or the other ends. And nothing will ever fucking change that,” I vowed close to her lips.
I wanted to touch her.
I wanted to kiss her.
Mostly, I wanted to fucking claim her.
Never understanding how something so wrong…
Could feel so fucking right.
I was the first to pull away from her. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to let her go. I accomplished what I came for, and it was time for me to leave. She immediately opened her eyes, staring intently into mine as if she knew what I was thinking. Not wanting me to go as much as I didn’t want to fucking leave.
“I’m sorry, Mu?eca. For the past, for now, for the future… for everything.” With that I kissed the top of her head, letting my lips linger for a few seconds too long before I reluctantly let her go. Walking toward the front door, leaving everything I ever wanted behind.
Her.
I placed his gift on my nightstand, gazing up at the stars on my ceiling for I don’t know how long, when I finally pulled myself away to go shower. I was more confused now by his unexpected visit than I was before he even showed up on my doorstep. His sudden presence opened up old wounds, and I felt like I was breaking all over again. I had come to accept what had happened between us, but I had never forgotten. I was healing until he showed up, painfully ripping the Band-Aid from my already sensitive skin. Taking any progress I had made, away. That was the thing about Damien, he was a paradox of contradictions. His words always spoke one thing, but his actions always proved another.
I stayed under the warm running water, reflecting on everything from the night, until the spray turned cold. Grabbing a towel, I wrapped it around my wet body and made my way back to my bedroom. Just wanting to pass the hell out and avoid any more conflicting emotions he seemed to always stir inside of me.
For the first time in years, I walked into the room we once shared with nothing but the constellations from the candle lighting up the room. Stopping just outside the door to take in the shadowy figure roaming freely.
Damien was there.