‘Are you still there?’ she asked.
‘Yeah. We’d just exited the church and stopped at our cars and were talking. He saw something right before the shot. Pushed me out of the way.’ He coughed, trying to keep the tightness in his chest from suffocating him. ‘He said, “I need to tell you why.” Then he shoved me and the bullet hit him. He’s dead. Like Andy Gold and Bruiser.’
‘Where are you now?’
‘On the ground. Sitting on the ground.’ He clamped his lips together again and breathed through his nose, holding the air in for a few seconds before exhaling slowly. ‘I’m sitting between my Jeep and his black SUV.’
‘Oh.’ The word came out hushed. ‘What’s your friend’s name, Adam?’
‘John Kasper. He’s a retired cop.’ He let out a weary breath. ‘He’s my sponsor.’
‘I figured as much. St Agnes’s has hosted AA meetings for thirty years.’
Adam blinked. ‘What?’ How did she know that? Why did she know that? Wait. His brain stuttered, unable to keep up. Lynda’s attended meetings? He shook his head, unable to process that information. Later. He’d think about it later. Because she was talking again.
‘Adam,’ she said, so gently it almost hurt. ‘I would be the last person to judge you. And now that I’ve seen the video you sent me? Knowing that you saw it happen live? I’ll fight to make sure nobody else judges you either. That any of you who saw that girl murdered are still sane is a fucking miracle. And testament to your personal strength.’
He was without words. He struggled, finding two that worked. ‘Thank you.’
‘No thanks necessary. I’m on my way to St Agnes’s. You stay put and I’ll take care of everything. I’m going to call Deacon for backup, okay?’
‘Um . . .’
‘I take it that he doesn’t know?’
‘No. I was gonna tell him when this was over.’
‘Well, Detective, I think your timeline was just taken out of your control. You want me to give him the heads up?’
‘No. I’ll call him. Right now.’
‘All right. I’m about ten minutes out. You should be hearing sirens any second.’
They were faint but audible. ‘I do. Thank you, Lynda. I won’t mention about you and . . . St Agnes’s.’
‘I appreciate it. I’ve been sober for thirteen years. Still hit the meetings from time to time. I’m honestly surprised we haven’t run into each other already,’ she added wryly.
‘Just lucky, I guess.’ God. He was lucky. He was alive. But John was not. He leaned his head back against his Jeep. ‘I’m gonna go now and call Deacon.’
‘All right. Call me back if you need to. Tell Deacon to come to where you are. I’ve instructed first responders to secure the scene and surround the parking lot, but not to approach you. I’m not taking any chance that our shooter or one of his associates is driving any of the squad cars. You stay put with your head down until either Deacon or I come to get you. Got it?’
‘Yes, ma’am.’ He ended the call and breathed for a minute, then . . . temporarily detoured. Full disclosure. And he needed to hear her voice more than he needed air. ‘Call Meredith cell,’ he instructed his phone.
‘Hey,’ she answered warmly when she picked up.
He exhaled in a rush. ‘I’m okay,’ he said and wondered which of them he was trying to convince. ‘I’m okay.’
‘Adam?’ Her voice pitched a little higher. ‘Where are you?’
‘Still at St Agnes’s. My sponsor is dead. He took a bullet for me. But I’m alive and I wanted you to hear it from me before you heard it on the grapevine.’
For a few seconds all he could hear was her breathing, fast and shallow. ‘Okay. Okay.’ She made a noise like a choked sob. ‘You’re sure? You weren’t hit?’
‘No. Not at all.’
‘Are you inside where it’s safe?’
He drew a breath. It would be so easy to lie, to tell her what would keep her from worrying. ‘Full disclosure? I’m sitting outside in the parking lot, between two large vehicles, next to my sponsor’s body.’
‘Adam.’ She packed an astonishing number of emotions into his name. Fear, horror, compassion. Caring. And something else. He hoped. Oh God, how he hoped.
I need to tell her how I feel. I need her to know. But he hadn’t wanted to tell her like this. Not like this.
‘Look, I have to go. Isenberg is coming and I need to call Deacon. I need to tell him why I’m here before he learns the way I don’t want him to.’
‘Okay. Adam? Not your fault.’
‘I know.’ He chanced a glance at John. His stomach lurched. That could have been me. I would have been dead and she’d never know the truth. ‘Meredith?’
‘Yeah?’ she whispered it into the phone and he could tell that she was crying but didn’t want him to know.
She’s so damn brave, he thought. She needs to know. Deserves to know. ‘I know I shouldn’t tell you this yet, but . . .’ He swallowed hard. ‘I’ve loved you since we colored at your kitchen table. I don’t want anything to happen and you not to know that.’
Her sob broke free. ‘Adam.’
‘Now you know. I need to—’
‘Don’t you hang up on me yet,’ she interrupted in as close to a snarl as he’d ever heard come from her mouth. ‘I get to say something too.’
He found his lips curving, despite everything. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah,’ she said, the word a sob she couldn’t hold back. ‘I thought I loved you when you showed up on Saturday with glitter in your hair, just because I said I needed you. Even though I didn’t think you felt the same way.’
She thought? he thought, his heart constricting so hard it hurt. But this was Meredith. She would never hurt me. ‘And then?’ he whispered.
‘And then you held Kyle when he cried and you held me when I cried and you told Mallory that she was ours – and I knew. No doubts. I love you.’ Her voice broke. ‘Don’t ever think anything different, okay? And come back to me so I can tell you in person.’
Warmth flooded his chest, intense and overwhelming, and he wondered how any human heart contained emotion this powerful because his was pounding to beat all hell.
She loves me. Me. It was too much. Almost. ‘I’ll be back,’ he whispered. ‘I promise.’
‘You’d better.’ She was crying in earnest now. ‘Dammit, Adam.’
‘Hey.’ He huffed, trying to distract her so she’d stop crying because it was ripping him apart. ‘You thought you knew just two days ago? Four months after I knew for sure?’
‘What can I say?’ Her swallow was audible, but her sobs no longer were. ‘I’m a late bloomer.’ Her attempt at levity was so forced that it hurt to hear. She was trying so hard to make this bearable and that made him love her even more. ‘Besides,’ she added tartly. ‘I hadn’t read the script so I didn’t know that you’d already fallen.’
‘Fair enough,’ he said. ‘I gotta go. I’ll tell you the right way when I see you.’
‘You’d better,’ she said, her voice breaking. ‘Be careful.’
‘I will.’ He ended the call and the bubble they’d hidden within popped, letting reality rush back in. Somebody is trying to kill me. Somebody who knew I’d be here today.
Somebody who may be a cop.
Unbidden, the memory of his conversation with Quincy rose to the surface. He’d known about his sobriety. Somehow he’d known. I make it a point to know who I’m working with. Their skills and their weaknesses.
No, he thought. Not Quincy. Not Nash either. And Wyatt wasn’t even a question. Hell no. They’d been through too much together over the years. It had to be someone random.
Someone who knows about Paula, who knew we were in that van en route to the station. Someone who knew Meredith and Mallory were at the restaurant on Saturday and again at the hospital last night. Someone who knew I’d be here this morning.
A random person couldn’t know all that. It was an awful truth.
Someone is trying to kill me. It was too surreal to process.
Someone I know is trying to kill me. Adam wished for the numbness of denial, but the body next to him made that impossible.