Easy Nights (Boudreaux #6)

“You’ve seen me drunk more than you should,” I inform him. I have to hold my dress down as we walk to my car so the wind doesn’t whip it up over my head and I give a few people a show. “But I’m not an alcoholic. I promise.”

“You’re fun when you’re buzzed,” he says with a laugh. “And I’ve loved that you would call me when you needed a ride home. Who cares if you drink a little with the girls, or with me, now and again? The important thing is that you’re safe.”

“You say pretty things with that pretty mouth of yours,” I reply as the wind kicks up again, sending my skirt almost up to my waist. “This must be what Marilyn Monroe felt like over that grate.” I hurry into the passenger side of my car and sigh in relief when Ben closes the door and hurries around to the other side. “I didn’t want to show everyone the goods.”

“The goods?” He asks with a raised brow.

“You know, the goods. You’ve been quite intimate with the goods as of late. The parts that only you are supposed to see.”

“Ah, yes, the goods.” He grins and leans over to kiss me. “You make me laugh, Savannah.”

“Ditto.” I kiss his nose. “Are you going to ask me to show other people the goods?”

His eyes narrow for a moment and then he just slowly shakes his head from side to side. “No, ma’am.”

“Good.” I settle back against the seat as he starts the car and pulls away from the curb. “The jackass used to do that.” I cringe. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to hear that.”

“Actually, I’d like to hear anything you’d like to tell me.”

“Most of it is embarrassing.”

“Let’s get something straight right now, Angel. There is never a reason for you to be embarrassed with me. I love you, heart and soul, and nothing is ever going to change that. I want to know about your past, even if it’s hard to listen to because it helps me understand you better.”

“You’re wonderful,” I whisper. It’s a good thing I had all those drinks. I’d never have the balls to talk about this with him otherwise. Not the way I need to. And not because I think Ben would judge me, or be repulsed by me. No, it’s because even I can’t believe I put up with it for all of that time.

But it’s dark, and the car is quiet, and Ben makes me feel safe.

“He was just mean,” I begin. “I mean, that’s the root of it all. He wasn’t always. Certainly not at first because if that had been the case I never would have stayed with him. Thanks to a lot of counseling, I’ve learned that he just likes to humiliate. He’s good at it. He threatens, but his threats aren’t idle. He will follow through.”

“What kind of threats?” Ben asks softly as he pulls into his driveway. Neither of us makes a move to get out of the car and I’m relieved.

“Oh, you know.” I shrug. “He would say that if I didn’t wear what he told me to he’d find a way to humiliate me in public. Or if I didn’t work harder at making my stomach flat he’d kick my ass.”

“Kick your ass?”

“Oh yeah. Literally. He was careful not to leave bruises where everyone could see them. I guess that’s normal.”

“No,” he says. I can’t see his face in the darkness, but his voice is hard. “It’s not normal at all, baby.”

“For men like that I mean. Kate once told me that her first husband was the same way. But anyway, he was into some things, some fetishes, that I wasn’t into. He would get so mad at me. He didn’t like to be told no.

“At first he’d just act all disappointed, and make me feel about two inches tall. Guilt trip city.” I roll my eyes, no longer upset or afraid of what he did to me, and now just disgusted. “As time passed, he’d just make me do it anyway.”

“Fucking hell,” Ben says. He’s gripping the steering wheel with both hands. If there was light in here, I’d see that his knuckles are white.

“I can stop.”

“No, let’s finish it.”

I nod and swallow hard. The liquor is wearing off.

“One of his favorite things was exhibitionism. I do not like even the idea of strangers, or anyone, watching me have sex or be naked. It doesn’t interest me at all. And I know that some people do like it, and that’s totally fine. But I don’t. I’m not going to give you all of the details because you don’t need it in your head, but let’s just say that I did things I didn’t want to. Mostly because I was avoiding the punishment that came with saying no. But then I got both anyway, so it was all just a shit show.”

“I should have killed him.”

“That’s not the first time you’ve said that.”

I slip out of my seatbelt and climb over the console so I can straddle Ben’s lap and look him in the eyes.

“I’m not telling you this to piss you off or so you want to hurt him again. I’m not. Do you have any idea what the past few weeks have meant to me, Ben? Before we started this, I was unsure of myself and I was afraid that I’d never be able to be intimate with someone ever again. Because to do that, you have to trust and he ruined that part of me.

“Until you. You’ve made me feel powerful and beautiful. I know that you respect me and my boundaries, and that you only have me and my best interests in mind. What I had before was dark and evil and wrong. It wasn’t love. It was never love.

“This, right here, is love.” I lean my forehead against his and sigh in happiness as his arms come around my back in a tight hug. “This is love and trust and everything good. What happened before doesn’t matter, Ben. It’s over, and it doesn’t matter because now I have you.”

“We have each other,” he says, still holding me close. “And I’m never going to let anything like that happen to you again. I just have one last question, and then we’re going to leave it all in the past.”

“Anything.”

“Why did you stay, Van? After he showed you who he really was, why did you stay?”

I can feel the tears want to come, but I’ll be damned if I give Lance even one more ounce of control.

“Because he threatened my family.”

“He fucking blackmailed you into marrying him?”

I nod once and then shake my head in horror. “I just love you all so much—”

“Wait. He threatened to hurt me too?”

“All of you.”

Ben takes a long, deep breath and then lets it out slowly. “I don’t want to make love to you tonight.”

I blink rapidly and stare down at Ben in confusion.

“I want to hold you. I want to be with you. And I want to remind you what it feels like to be loved for you. For being the wonderful woman you are, and I want to show you what unconditional means.”

“Oh, Ben.” Now I let the tears come because they’re tears of joy. “You do that every day.”

“Come on.” We untangle ourselves and get out of the car and walk up to the door, but when Ben takes his keys out to unlock the door, we find that it’s already ajar. “I thought you said you locked this behind us when we left.”

“I did,” I reply. “I know I did.”

“Well, it’s unlocked now.” His face is grim as he looks down at me. “I’m going to go in to make sure it’s safe. You stay here.”

“Like hell I’ll stay here.”

“Savannah.”