“I don’t really know how to explain it, but yes, I think about you more than I probably should. I get up in the morning and think about what time it is where you are. I think about what you’re doing, whether you’re having a good day, and I wonder when I’ll get to talk to you next. But this…this is a fucking game changer. I can’t unsee this. You’re…” He hesitated. “Beautiful.”
I closed my eyes to relish his compliment then opened them back to reality.
“You haven’t even seen my face.”
“Yes, but I remember it like yesterday.”
It’s not the same anymore.
“I got a little jealous when you said you were going on a date. I wanted your attention back.”
“Well, mission accomplished. You definitely got it back. All I really want to do is stare at your picture in peace now.” He blew out some smoke. “Show me more. Give me something else. Anything.”
This was a mistake.
Adrenaline pulsed through me, because I was considering it. “I can’t.”
“Please…just let me see you from another angle. So I know I’m not dreaming. Send me a picture of yourself giving me the peace sign. You can keep your face covered. I want to see what you look like in real time.”
I think a small part of him still needed confirmation that the girl in the picture was me, particularly because of how protective I was of my face. I didn’t want him to doubt me. Deciding to give into his request, I said, “Okay, hang up, and I’ll text you. Then you can call me back.”
Without thinking too much, I covered my face with my hair and snapped a selfie while holding my index and middle fingers up, giving him exactly what he requested.
After I sent it, he texted me back about a full minute later.
Landon: Thank you, beautiful. You have no idea how much that means to me.
Landon followed it up with a photo of himself sitting in his car giving me the peace sign back. He had smoke billowing out of his mouth. While I hated the idea of him filling his body with carcinogens, I had to say, he looked hot. His eyes were squinted. And I wanted to bite that plump bottom lip. He was so damn sexy.
Landon: That’s me in real time.
Rana: I figured as much. You’re gonna smell like cigarettes when you go back to your date, and she’s going to think you left her just to have a smoke.
Landon: I’ll tell her the truth, then.
Rana: What would that be exactly?
Landon: That I’m in lust with a faceless, raven-haired girl who just sent me an ass selfie. And I needed to take a break from the movie to stare at said girl’s picture. And then I’ll tell her that I plan to go home and jerk off to the same image of my gorgeous friend. How’s that for honesty?
Rana: I don’t think that will go off too well.
Landon: LOL. Probably not. By the way, if there was an award for the best ass on the planet, I think you’d win.
Rana: Thank you.
Landon: The Ass-cars, instead of the Oscars. You’d win best leading ass-tress.
Rana: “I’d like to thank the Ass-cademy…”
Landon: Fuck, yeah! LOL.
Rana: Go back to your date.
The phone began to vibrate. He was calling me back.
I picked up. “Hey.”
“Just a few more minutes,” he said. “So…you’re jealous, huh? I think I kind of like that.”
“Why? It’s pathetic. I’m here. You’re there. It’s not like we can date or anything. I have a crush on you. And I think about you a lot, too. I’m also somewhat obsessed with your lunch truck. But it’s not like realistically anything could ever happen between us.”
“You seem so sure about that.”
“Your life is in California. Mine is here. My dad is here. Everything is here.”
“So, then why bother sending me a fucking sexy picture of yourself?”
“I don’t know. I—”
“Because you want me to want you even if we can’t be together. Well, guess what? It worked. Now, I have a crush on you. You want my attention? You have it. You had it before. But now, you really have it.” He exhaled. “You know, the funny thing is, I didn’t even want to go on this date. I wanted to stay home and talk to you and hear about your crazy fucking snake and all of the other weird shit that comes out of your mouth on a daily basis. Something has been happening between us. I didn’t know how to even label it because without some semblance of what you looked like, I couldn’t mentally take it to that next level. I mean, I couldn’t allow myself to fall for the thirteen-year-old tomboy in my head, right? It was like I was connecting with a blur. But you’ve just pushed it over the edge, Rana. You’ve made it real.”
This was getting real.
A part of me wanted to run for the hills. The other part of me wanted to jump through the phone and kiss him.
A mixture of fear and excitement ran through me. “So, what does this mean?”
“It means that I have a little hope that maybe you’ll let me see you someday. But in the meantime, it means that I’ll stare at this photo and go a little crazier every day that I don’t get to see the rest.”
Smiling like a fool, I said, “You’d really better go back to the movie.”
My smile faded as I realized letting him go back to his date was the last thing I really wanted to do. My stomach was churning. My jealousy seemed really unfair given my self-imposed limitations. But I just couldn’t help it.
It was quiet for a while before he asked, “What’s wrong, Rana?”
It amazed me that even in our silence, he could sense my worry.
“Are you gonna sleep with her?”
“Honestly? If this thing between us wasn’t happening right now, that likely would’ve been the case. I think she’s probably expecting it. But I can’t see anything happening with her now—not anymore.” He paused. “Does that please you?”
Swallowing my pride, I answered without hesitation, “Yes.”
“You don’t want me to sleep with her?”
“No,” I whispered.
“Then, I won’t.”
Relief washed over me.
“When is your next night off?” he asked.
“Next Monday.”
“You won’t let me see you? Fine. I still want to be with you on your night off. Go on a virtual date with me.”
“A virtual date?”
“Yes. It will all take place over the phone.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Yes, and you sending me this picture with your ass hanging half out was what pushed me over the edge. I’m just a guy who can’t stop thinking about a girl, and I want to take her out. Since you’re so far away, this is the only way I can do it. So…will you go on a virtual date with me?”
How could I say no?
“I’m going to say yes, but only because I am really curious as to what that even means.”
“I haven’t figured it out yet, but it’s going to be fucking awesome.”
VIRTUAL DATE
Was it wrong that my only confidante was a ten-year-old girl? At least, she was mature for her age—that’s what I’d tell myself.
Lilith and I were heading to the park near her house. I was walking while she rode her scooter alongside me.
“Guess what, Lilith?”
“What?”
I twirled around. “I have a date tonight.”
Oh, my. Did I just twirl?
“With Landon? He’s coming here?”
“No, he’s still in California, but he’s taking me on a virtual date. I’ll be here, and he’ll be there.”
Lilith scrunched her nose. “I don’t get it.”
“Neither, do I. But I’m dying to find out how it’s going to work.”