“Sorry, honey, but you’re the world’s worst liar,” Savannah disagreed, and Dick chuckled.
“Yeah, Georgie,” he chimed in. “You were even a shit liar when you were a kid.”
“I was not!” she argued. “I hid loads of things from you guys.”
“Honey, we knew about your hump pillow about a week after you started masturbating.”
“Mom!” Georgia’s cheeks flushed pink.
Dick appeared more than amused. “It’s true, Georgie,” he continued the conversation. “Your mother had to sneak into your room every month just to make sure that thing got washed.”
Will laughed at his sister’s embarrassment, and she flipped him off. “Shut up, Will. Everyone in the house knew those hour-long showers weren’t for hygiene purposes.”
“Wow. Thanks, Gigi.”
She flashed a curt smile in his direction. “You’re welcome.”
“Wait a minute…” Cassie said and looked at Thatch. “Did I just hear that my little Wheorgie had a sex pillow?”
Thatch grinned. “I know, right? Tonight is fantastic.”
“Everyone shut up about the pillow!”
“We still have it in the attic at home if anyone wants to see it,” Savannah added kindly, and Georgia sighed in frustration.
“Oh. My. God.”
Kline grinned and wrapped a comforting arm around his wife’s shoulder. As he pulled her close to his side and let her hide her face against his chest, he mouthed toward Savannah, “I want that pillow.”
Savannah winked and mouthed back, “Stop by tomorrow.”
“Oh!” Cassie exclaimed and turned up the volume on the television. “It’s about to start.”
Will sighed and muttered, “Yay” in the most unenthusiastic voice possible.
As the opening credits for The Doctor Is In started to appear on the screen, I dragged Will toward an empty love seat and forced him to sit on the couch beside me.
“I think we should go,” he whispered in my ear moments later. “Yeah…I think we should leave and spend hours upon hours naked in my bed.”
I grinned and shook my head. “You’re not getting out of this by trying to ply me with sex.”
“God, I love this fucking show,” Thatch said with a giant smile stretched across his lips.
“I wonder if Dr. Obscene is going to get naked again in this episode?” Cassie questioned as she popped a few pieces of popcorn in her mouth.
“I’m right here,” Will said, but she ignored him.
“Or maybe they’ll get another shot of him where he looks like he’s jerking it?”
“One can only hope,” Thatch responded around a mouthful of pretzels. “One can only fucking hope that Dr. Obscene will get wild and nasty tonight.”
“You know, I’m still right here, guys.”
“Yep,” Thatch and Cassie responded in unison.
The show started with a shot of Will walking down the hospital hallway toward the nurses’ station and a blond nurse—wearing a pair of scrubs so tight that she must have glued them onto her body—stopped him before he could reach his destination.
“Dr. Cummings?” she asked with a flutter of her lashes and a seductive grin. “Do you have a minute?”
“For you, Mandy,” he said with a flirtatious smile, “I always have a minute.”
“Ohhhhhhh! Dr. Obscene is going to bone Mandy!” Dick called out, and I immediately felt like puking. It wasn’t even just a little bit of nausea. No. I literally felt like hurling all over Kline and Georgia’s living room.
“Aww…you’re so sweet, Dr. Cummings,” Mandy said with a playful tap to Will’s bicep. “Oh my, have you been working out?”
“She loves Dr. Obscene’s guns!” Thatch cheered toward the TV.
Jesus Christ. Was this about to turn into a goddamn porno?
I had never felt more uncomfortable than I did in that moment, sitting with Will’s family, watching him flirt on screen with a slutty nurse named Mandy.
Which was dumb…right? It was just a stupid reality show that was filmed months ago. I mean, I hadn’t met Will until after the first episode had aired. I had no claim to him when this was filmed. He was just a single guy at the time…
But God, it hurt like a motherfucker to watch it.
What in the hell was happening to me?
You’re jealous.
Was I jealous? Okay… Yeah… I was woman enough to admit that I was. I was fucking jealous. Will is mine. He wasn’t a piece of meat for slores like Mandy to sink their slorry claws into.
Will is mine? Holy hell, had I really just thought that? Like some territorial chick who was about to piss a circle around her boyfriend?
I’d never been the jealous type in the past. Hell, I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt this kind of jealousy before, not even with Eli. But holy mother of macaroons, had the green-eyed goddess made herself known.
I searched and searched the recesses of my mind for the answer to one question—why in the hell was I so jealous?
But I was completely caught off guard by how easily I figured out the answer.
Because you love him.
Mel stood in the corner, making notes on the chart, and I had to tear my eyes away from her to focus on my job. She was always distracting, her creamy skin and bold features enough to pull me in on any given day, but today was something else.
I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Last night at my sister’s house had gone surprisingly well under the circumstances—those circumstances being Thatch, Cassie, and my parents all in one room.
But on the drive home, Melody had been pensive—never something you want your new girlfriend to be without you. She’d actually wanted to go back to Bill and Janet’s to sleep on her air mattress instead of sleeping at my place.
Red flag.
Sure, she didn’t sleep over every night, but usually, when I put on a pretense of begging, she pretended to be put out and then accepted. Not last night.
Last night had been, “I think I’ll just go home. I’m tired, I need clothes, and I’d like to actually be on time for once.”
I’d argued that I could guarantee her timely arrival if she stayed with me, but she declined.
She hated that air mattress and her mom’s version of Workout Barbie, as she put it, yet her excuses seemed potentially valid.
Thanks to the insecurity monster, I’d also asked her if everything was okay so many times I was bordering on doctoring her, and every single time, she’d smiled her smile and promised she was just tired.
I was running out of ideas to get her to be honest with me. I didn’t have the practical relationship hours to know what I was doing—all I knew was that the relationship plane had controls I didn’t know how to use without flight school.
I’d finally settled on the possibility that what she said was actually what she felt. It wasn’t what we’re trained to believe about women in Man School, but it was also the only theory I had left to come up with.
Yeah, there’s no Man School per se, but when you grew up with a father like Dick Cummings, your adolescent youth included long talks about what makes women happy.
Ironically, it’s only now that I’m wishing those discussions would have hit more topics than just “how to find the G-spot.”