He drops a kiss on my forehead and pushes the hair out of my eyes.
“I could get used to it, though.”
I fold my arms against his chest between us, pressing my lips to his throat where his pulse drums beneath the warm, tanned skin.
“Sorry to be a creeper.” My laugh is scratchy in my throat. My voice was already a little ragged. Last night’s session didn’t help. “I guess I missed waking up with you.”
I flick a glance up at him, taking in the line of his scruffy jaw.
“You’re beautiful, Rhys.”
Something melts in his eyes before they start smiling at me.
“I think that’s the pot calling the kettle beautiful.”
The smile teasing his lips disappears.
“Are you . . .” Rhyson lets the words hang for a second, clears his throat and starts again. “I know you wanted to go slow with this and make sure we get things fixed. I don’t want you to think we can’t still do that. Work on things, I mean. Do you, well, regret last night?”
I scoot back just enough so he can see me and I can see him clearly, eyes to eyes.
“Not regret, no. It was too perfect to regret.” I place two fingers over the smile that instantly sprouts on his face. “But my concerns still stand. We can’t just jump back in like nothing happened. You really hurt me. We hurt each other.”
“I know.” His hand drifts down my back under the sheet, fingers spreading over the curve of my butt. “If I could go back and do it differently, I would.”
I wiggle away a few inches, dislodging his hand. There’s no way I’ll get through this conversation with his hand on my ass.
“You’ll get plenty of chances, Rhys.” I firm the line of my lips. “Over and over again we’ll disagree about my career, about the steps I should take and what I should do. You’ll have a choice every time to manipulate and control, or to trust me.”
An annoying voice whispers in my head that maybe I should trust him about the sex tape, but it sounds too much like San for me to pay it any mind. This is different. It has to be.
“What can I do to prove I’m serious about this?” His hand moves again under the sheet to grip my hip.
“Since you asked.” I give him a careful glance like my next words might set him off. “The family counseling that Grady keeps bringing up? I think you should do it.”
He closes his eyes tightly and presses his lips against his teeth.
“Pep, that won’t—”
“Hear me out.” I tangle my fingers in the thick hair hanging past his ears, holding his eyes with mine. “I know you hate it when I say this, but there’s a pattern. The same way your parents controlled you and called it love, you have the potential to do that. Not on purpose, but it’s the way you were first loved.”
He swallows, lowering his lashes before looking back at me.
“That will prove to you that I’m serious about this? That will make you feel good about coming back to me?”
“You make me feel good about coming back to you.” I shake my head, cupping his jaw. “Do you think I didn’t miss you, too? I did. I just . . . I don’t want us to go through that again the next time you don’t like a move I’m making.”
“Don’t ask me to stand by and watch you get hurt or taken advantage of, Kai.” His jaw flexes beneath my fingers as he grits his teeth. “No amount of counseling will get me to do that.”
“Can we just talk about it? Don’t go behind my back. Don’t undercut me. Manipulate me.” I bite my lip to stop because the more I say, the more the anger and hurt rush back. “The counseling, it’s a start. It’s a step. That’s all.”
“All right.” Rhyson gives a jerky nod, flipping onto his back and linking his hands behind his head, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I’ll do it. Grady’ll set it up.”
“Good.” I snuggle into his side, slipping my arm across the hard plane of his stomach.
“I have my own conditions.” He twists a chunk of my hair around his hand, gently tugging until I have to look at him. “Remember after the tour, we go public.”
Fear and anxiety slosh around in my belly. That gives me a month to find Drex. To kill this threat before Rhyson or anyone else sees that sex tape. There has to be more we can do. I’ll have San redouble his efforts and press his contacts a little harder. Last night proved I can’t stay away from Rhyson, but if I’m giving us just this slice of time together before I go back on the road, I’ll have to be extra careful.
“Kai?” Rhyson asks. “You agree? Once the tour is over, everyone knows about us.”
“Yeah.” I nod and meet his eyes. “I said so yesterday.”
“I need you to mean it.”
“Okay. Of course. After the tour. “
“It’s like we’re hitting the reset button.” He smiles the tiniest bit. “This is our fresh start. Our clean slate. No more lies. No more secrets.”
I stare at him for long seconds, and that last secret, which blossoms every day into a full-blown lie, gathers between us like an invisible storm cloud. I want to reset so badly. And after this tape is settled I will.