“Well, apparently you can’t stop it either,” she mutters.
Ellie’s mom raises her hand slowly and just above a whisper asks, “Can someone please tell me what a golden shower is?”
The room fills with an awkward silence, all of us wondering how to explain being peed on for pleasure to a woman who probably bathes in a swimsuit. And yes, Mrs. Wick is probably that naive. She only wears skirts and is the secretary at the town’s Methodist church, where Mr. Wick’s the minister. I’m not sure how they spend that much time together without wanting to kill each other. Jesus must be one heck of a marriage counselor.
“I’ve never heard of a golden shower either, Mr. Stranko,” Wheeler says. “Could you please explain it to us, sir?”
Stranko turns such a wonderful shade of red I think he might start bleeding from the eyes. I have to pinch my leg hard to hold back from laughing.
“Let’s focus on the issue at hand, please,” Mrs. B says.
“What I want to know is if our kids are in danger,” Wheeler’s mom says. “I mean, isn’t this bullying? These kids were targeted.”
“More like stupid,” Adleta’s dad huffs. “Putting their futures and scholarships in danger by being dumb enough to fall for a prank like this. It’s goddamn embarrassing.”
If it’s possible, Mr. Adleta is even bigger than Tim. He stands at almost military attention, his fingers digging into Tim’s shoulders like he’s trying to snap his collarbone. But all you really need to know is that when Tim was in third grade, Mr. Adleta was banned from Tim’s soccer games because he wouldn’t stop screaming at the refs. Third grade.
Mrs. B says, “No, Mrs. Wheeler, I don’t think your children are in danger. But this is the first time I can remember students being set up in this manner by the Chaos Club. Am I right, Mr. Stranko?”
Stranko must be some sort of Chaos Club historian because he launches into a summary of their history, quoting pranks from their website. He finishes by saying, “I can assure all of you that we’re doing everything we can to eliminate this group, whoever they are.”
Then he taps the phone clipped to his belt.
Heist Rule #6: Be observant.
Malone’s mom says, “So what all this really means is that no one knows why these kids were targeted, and that there’s nothing you can do to stop it from happening again?”
“Ms. Malone, I can assure you these students are safe. But you’re right. I have no explanation for why they were chosen,” Mrs. B says, and looks at us. “I want each of you to promise to come to me if you’re contacted again. Will you do that?”
We tell her we will, and Stranko adds, “Or come to me.”
Yeah right.
“So what happens now?” Reverend Wick says. It’s the first time he’s spoken tonight. As a school board member, this has to be pretty embarrassing. Not Hitler-moustache-embarrassing, but embarrassing nonetheless.
Mrs. B teepees her fingers under her chin for a moment, then says, “On one hand, it’s clear to me these students are not responsible for the water tower vandalism. Do you agree, Mr. Stranko?”
Stranko nods but without much confidence behind it. You get the feeling he almost he wishes we were the culprits.
“On the other hand,” Mrs. B says, “we have a very clear policy regarding trespassing on school grounds that was spelled out at the beginning of the year. That is something that must be addressed. So tomorrow after school, you will each take part in painting over the message on the water tower. I believe two hours working in the sun may help deter you from coming onto school property again after hours.”
“How is that fair?” Adleta’s dad says. “You even said they didn’t do it. To punish them for that is crap. And Tim’s going to miss practice then. I don’t see how—”
“Or,” Mrs. B says, staring at Mr. Adleta, “I suppose we could simply turn them over to the Asheville Police Department and let them handle the trespassing violation. You could transport them to the station, could you not, Mr. Hale?”
The stare down doesn’t last long. Mr. Adleta mumbles something under his breath that causes Ellie’s mom’s cheeks to redden.
“And, David,” Mrs. B says to Wheeler, “I’d appreciate it if you could refrain from posting pictures of the water tower to that website you frequent. Is that possible?”
“Anything for you, Mrs. B,” Wheeler says.
They’re talking about H8box, a smart-ass website for posting and commenting on pictures and articles that pulls in more than two millions hits a day. In school, Wheeler may underachieve to global proportions, but on H8box, his twisted vision of the world has made him a god. If you need someone to take a picture of a crowded street at night in Singapore or want an advanced copy of a movie not out for weeks, Wheeler and his H8box connections are your guys.