“Where did you learn how to do all this?” Ellie asks Wheeler.
“H8box. It’s like the best teacher in the world. You can learn anything there.”
“Who’s the guy in the mask?” Malone asks.
“A H8box friend. He lives in St. Louis, so no one can ever link this to him.”
“And the stalking pictures?”
“Lifted from other sites. Do you like the one with Stranko?”
“I’ve got to give you credit on that one,” Malone says. “Great photoshopping. You should work for the CIA.”
“Yeah, he’s going to freak,” Adleta says. “The cops will probably show up.”
“Don’t tease me, dude,” Wheeler says. “Stranko getting braced by the cops is like my greatest fantasy. But I didn’t even show you the best part yet—pick a search engine, any search engine, and type in Chaos Club.”
On my phone, I start with the big search engines first like Google, Bing, and Yahoo, before moving on to lesser-known ones like DuckDuckGo and Dogpile. On each, Wheeler’s Chaos Club site is the top return.
“How did you do that?” Malone says.
“Trade secret,” Wheeler says. “So say it, everyone, I’m a…”
“Genius, Wheeler,” we all say. “You’re a genius.”
“Now just imagine what you could do if you tried in school,” Malone adds.
“Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
As the remaining students trickle in and find a seat, Mrs. B taps the microphone and waits for quiet before starting.
“I hope all of you have had a good start to homecoming week. A special thanks to StuGo for decorating the halls.”
When we all entered the building today, the halls were filled with balloons, streamers, and posters. They barely survived the morning, and by the end of lunch, all of it was down. Now the hall floors resemble Times Square after New Year’s Eve.
“And speaking of StuGo and decorations, I can’t wait to see what they do with the gym for the dance this Saturday. I hope to see everyone there.”
If Mrs. B’s truly hoping for my attendance, she’s going to be disappointed. There’s zero chance of me asking anyone to the dance. One rejection a semester is my limit, thank you very much.
“Now,” Mrs. B says, “I’m sure most of you have noticed that our beloved Zippy the Eagle statue has been taken away for a makeover. I don’t know about you, but I will miss seeing him out there each morning. The good news is that this year marks the seventy-fifth anniversary of this school district. An end-of-the-year celebration marking this occasion is in the planning stages, and I’m happy to say that is when Zippy will make his return. The board office is hoping for student input, so anyone interested in joining the planning committee should come see me.”
I look down at Ellie, who’s already waiting for me.
“I’m on it,” she says.
It’s Heist Rule #15: Gather as much info as you can.
Mrs. B thanks us, tells us to keep working hard, then hands the mic to Stranko, who swaggers his way to the front of the stage.
“I’m going to keep this short,” Stranko says. “I’ve brought Officer Hale here so you understand just how serious we are about this topic. At the beginning of the year, we made the rules clear to you, but recent actions have necessitated changes. I’m specifically referring to last week’s photo incident.”
Snickering fills the auditorium.
“Quiet!” Stranko barks. “Some of you may find what happened funny, but trust me, we will find the perpetrators. And when we do, they will be severely punished. Severely. Punished.”
Stranko punctuates the air with a finger, and Hale does the same. Monkey see, monkey do.
“So first,” Stranko says, “anyone caught vandalizing the school or disrupting school activities will face expulsion. Also, anyone with knowledge of vandalism, even if they didn’t take part, will be punished as well.”
Groans fill the theater.
“Also, in the past, we’ve been lax about students using the sporting fields whenever they wanted. But as of today, the fields are off-limits once school practices or games are over.”
More groans.
“And finally, any student caught on school grounds after eight o’clock who isn’t a part of a school function or activity will face suspension. This is a zero-tolerance policy. We are not fooling around.”
Behind Stranko, Mrs. B stands quietly. You figure Stranko had to be the one who strong-armed her into this new policy. Because can you say overkill?
“That’s all for now,” Stranko says. “We’ll be emailing this information to your parents this evening, and—”
Before I know what’s happening, Wheeler’s standing on his seat, his hand high.
“Excuse me, Vice Principal Stranko?”
The entire auditorium turns our way. Malone tries to pull Wheeler down, but he shakes her off.