“Yeah,” I say, trying to keep my voice and breathing steady. “Just wanted to get a bit of fresh air and a drink.”
“Did you lock up properly?” she asks lightly, and I know she’s not asking lightly.
“Yes, don’t worry. You really don’t have to worry about anything, Robin. I promise.”
There’s a pause. “I’m so fucking relieved,” Robin finally says.
“Good,” I say, a little triumphant. “And I really appreciate you letting me stay. I’ll get the rest of my stuff in the morning, if you’re sure it’s okay?”
She sits back up and reaches her hand for mine. “Of course it’s okay. You’re my sister.”
We fall asleep still holding hands, and as I drift away, somewhere deeper than I’ve gone in weeks, I allow myself to think that maybe my sister and I and Violet too, that we might all be okay. Even after all.
ROBIN|PRESENT DAY
Sarah sleeps soundly now, her steady breath in and out transporting Robin back to many nights in childhood, crammed in the same room for one reason or another. But Robin’s relief has given way to questions. Lying on the bed and not under it still doesn’t come easy. Sarah’s hand is curled around Robin’s fingers and she slips them free one by one. Sarah murmurs and rolls onto her side.
Robin stares at the ceiling and tries to wrap her head around everything that’s happened today. All those paths colliding in her life, in one day. Henry. Rez. Sarah.
But things aren’t resolved, not really. Henry was off to stay with his mum and hopefully that would be okay. Rez had shrunk back down to size, his anger washed away to reveal sadness and vulnerability. Feelings she was battling to stay detached from. But Sarah, her poor sister who always tried to do the right thing, be the good girl, all those lies had torn her life apart. A life she deserved to live. A life she deserved to get back.
Lying has caused enough damage. Leaving those lies in place and hiding up here wasn’t going to help Sarah, and only the truth held some hope for any of them.
Giving up on sleep, Robin treads lightly on the stairs. Sarah’s phone is in her hand. Robin uses the light of the screen to find her way. She creeps into the living room, turns the lamp on and scans the room from the relative safety of the doorway. It’s all as she left it. Neat, clean, warm. She closes the door quietly and goes to sit on the smaller sofa.
There are fewer than a handful of numbers on this phone. Literally, four. A curry place, somewhere called Cornell Lodge, Jim’s mum and Jim.
Jim’s is a mobile number. It’s late, but it’s important. Tomorrow’s sun might scare Robin’s resolve away, and she owes it to her sister.
She presses “Call.” There’s a terrible pause and then the ringer crackles into life. Eight rings. She’s about to hang up, half relieved, when a man’s voice answers.
“Hello?” He sounds sleepy, but she doesn’t apologize for waking him. Bigger truths are at stake.
“Hi, Jim,” she exhales. “You don’t know me, but I’m Sarah’s sister. I’m calling because there are some things that I need to clear up. About my sister.” Robin hears the breathing at the end of the line grow faster.
“She didn’t lie to you for bad reasons, Jim. She’s not done the things you think she has. She loves Violet more than anything, but she was covering up a lot of stuff that happened in her, in our, past, and she dug herself into a hole.”
Jim doesn’t say anything for a long while. Finally he asks, “What’s your name?”
“I’m Robin. Robin Marshall. I’m Sarah’s sister. And she’s with me in Manchester right now because she had nowhere else to go and she was scared and didn’t want to make everything worse.” Adrenaline is causing Robin to waffle, but she has to keep going or she’ll lose her nerve and hang up. Jim remains silent.
“But I promise you that everything you think about her is wrong. She’d never hurt a child. Please, Jim, please give her the chance to explain it all. She misses you and she misses Violet and she wants to put everything right and I promise you, on my life, she deserves a chance to explain.”
There’s a long pause.
“Sarah,” he says. “You’re Sarah’s sister?”
“Yes.”
“She told me she had no family.”
“She had her reasons, but they weren’t the reasons you might think.”
“I don’t care. I needed to be able to trust her. She was looking after the most important thing to us, to me. And she lied in the most despicable ways. Did the most despicable things.”
“No,” Robin says, realizing she was making everything worse. “No, she would never do anything to hurt anyone. It’s all a horrible misunderstanding. She still loves you—”
“She’s not supposed to love me!” he says, louder than before. “She was just supposed to take good, safe care of Violet.”
Robin can’t help herself—the old flame bursts into life again. “That’s a horrible attitude to have toward your wife,” she says. “Doesn’t she deserve a loving relationship too?”
“My wife’s dead,” he says, his voice strangled. “Sarah was our nanny.”
FORTY-THREE
ROBIN|PRESENT DAY
Robin is silent, her heart banging around in her chest. She’s heard only fractions of what Jim is saying, but she’s trying to put it into the right order. She can’t make it fit, because it makes no sense.
“I mean, Sarah was a godsend after Elaine died, and Violet adored her, but she crossed so many lines, even before…” He trails off.
Sarah is not Violet’s mother. She is not Jim’s wife. She is not desperately seeking help to win her own family back. In fact, Robin doesn’t know what, or who, her sister really is. A cold wind runs up and down Robin’s legs. She hadn’t seen her sister in years. But she didn’t think to question any of what she said. Who was the woman upstairs?
“Are you still there?” His voice is impatient, confused.
“Yeah,” Robin gasps. “I just…this is news to me. I don’t really understand. So you’re really not married to my sister?”
“No. Absolutely not. She was our live-in nanny.”
“Just your nanny,” Robin repeats, trying to make the word fit comfortably in her mouth.
“Look, she was great at first, but she got way too attached and her behavior became stranger and stranger. I kept her on for the consistency and, honestly, because I had my own stuff to deal with, but then she crossed a line. More than one. Lots of lines. My daughter is my priority.”
“And Violet? She’s your daughter. But not—”
“She’s my daughter. Sarah is absolutely not her mother. No matter what she liked to tell people, as it turned out.”
“And your wife, she…” Robin feels her cheeks color, can’t bring herself to say it out loud.
“My wife is dead,” he says.
Robin says nothing and Jim says nothing.