He scrubbed his hands over his face, and as sad as it was, I was happy to see even that much emotion from him.
“Do you love me?” I hadn’t meant to ask that question, but for some reason it felt like this was a now or never moment.
He lowered his arms and stared at me. I could see that something was going on behind his honey gaze, but I had no idea what it was.
“Do. You. Love. Me?” I repeated as tears filled my eyes. “It’s a simple question, Hud.”
I knew there was a really good chance his answer was about to take a weed whacker to my heart, but at this point I would rather pick up the pieces of my shattered emotions than stay on this roller coaster ride to hell.
His hands flexed at his sides. “It’s not that simple.”
Normally, a ridiculous response like that would have my arms flying up in the air as I yelled that it was that simple. But, for some reason, I felt an eerie calm. Maybe it was because, for the first time in a long time, I knew exactly what I wanted in my life… and he was standing in front of me. I wanted to marry Hud. I wanted to have his babies. I wanted to spend every day for the rest of my life with the man who could frustrate me faster than anyone, and who made me happier than anyone.
As tears started falling down my face, I smiled as I repeated the question. “Do you love me?”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
He turned to leave, but I rushed around him and blocked the door. He stopped up short, like he was scared to even touch me.
“Yes it does. It does matter.”
“Harmony, move.”
“I told you that only works for sex stuff,” I sniffed.
The corners of his lips turned up, but then the tortured look was back in his eyes and he lifted his arms, running his fingers through his hair. Without saying another word he started out towards the back parking lot.
“Hud!” I called after him.
When he didn’t even slow down, I went after him and grabbed his arm. He stopped but didn’t turn around.
Not knowing what else to say, I asked, “Why doesn’t it matter if you love me or not?”
“Because…” His voice was raw, tortured, and even after he’d been a colossal asshole, I still wanted to reach out and comfort him. But I didn’t. Because he was a colossal asshole.
“Because?” I prompted.
He turned and his expression was unreadable. “Because you’re not a forever girl.”
I had never been punched in the gut. Until now. That’s what his words did to me. They socked me right in the solar plexus.
I was stuck between shock and horror. Anger and devastation. Grief and self-pity. But I didn’t let him see any of that. There was no way I would ever let him see that he affected me again.
Pasting a smile on my face, I held my head high. “What is ‘Things you never say to a woman’ for a thousand, Alex?”
After my Jeopardy-inspired comeback, I turned on my heel and walked as fast as my boots would take me. Romeo fell in line beside me and as I looked down at him with tears streaming down my face, he licked my hand.
I may not have the man, but at least I had the dog.
Chapter 25
Hudson
“You can’t unsay a cruel thing.”
~ Loretta Reed
The second the words were out of my mouth, I knew I’d fucked up. But did I do anything about it? No. I stood there, watching the woman I loved—the only woman I’d ever loved—walk away. I was paralyzed by what had just taken place. It took me a good ten minutes to pull my head from my ass and go after her.
And now I couldn’t find her.
She hadn’t gone back into the party. She wasn’t at her house. Her phone was going straight to voicemail. I stopped by her parents’, they must’ve been still at the party. I checked the wishing well that sat in the center of town, no sign of her. I stopped down by the river, but the only people there were kids partying. I even took my life into my own hands and went to Cara’s and Destiny’s, but they said they hadn’t seen her. They also threatened me and told me that they didn’t care if I was the law—if I hurt their friend, they would hurt me. Badly.
My hands flexed on the wheel as I drove through the small downtown area scanning for any signs of her. I was so desperate, I was ready to put an APB on her. Panic raced through me. There was a small voice in my brain that told me she was okay, she’d probably just gone for a walk, and she had Romeo with her for protection. But the madly-in-love, totally overreacting part was overriding any shred of sanity I had left.
As I turned on her street for my third drive-by, I was still trying to process what had happened. She wanted to know if I loved her. It was a simple question and the answer was yes. Hell, yes. I loved her. But, what good would come from me admitting that?