“Right. And I think you’ll make a great mom. No one will dare mess with your kid.”
“I do know how to throw knives,” she said. “The benefit to knowing this early is we can plan how to handle things business-wise. I don’t expect to take too much time off and Boyd can run the kitchen almost as well as me. We’ll get another cook trained up along with an assistant. That way I can be back after the baby on reduced hours. It also lets Boyd go to more sci-fi conventions. So it’ll work out for everyone.”
“Okay.”
“Please don’t let this scare you off. I swear it won’t impact in any big or bad ways on the rest of the business.”
I pondered it for a minute. “The fact is, each of us will go through periods when we need to pull back a little, focus on other things. That’s life.”
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Terrified. Excited. More terrified.”
“Me too. And I’m not even having a baby.”
Nell picked up her juice again, picking at the label. “I’m really glad you’re staying. I lost a lot of my friends in the divorce, so it’s good to make some new ones. I know they say not to go into business with friends. But honestly, if you’re going to work that closely with people, trust them with your money and your name, I’d rather have friends. The thing is, they need to be friends that you can talk to. Complete honesty.”
“I agree.” I straightened my shoulders, putting on my brave face.
“If you need somewhere to store your things, there’s plenty of empty space upstairs. Also, my apartment has a spare room,” she said. “I’m not saying we should be permanent roommates. But you’re more than welcome to come stay with me for a few months, until you get something else sorted out. If it winds up being needed.”
“If?”
“Vaughan’s never been like this about a girl before. All over everything to do with you, making sure things are cool and you’ll be treated right. I know you’ve had a fight or two, but he never even stuck around for those before.” Her smile was way too hopeful. “Usually women were just temporary, easy. This thing with you … it’s nice.”
Oh shit. “Nell, I really like your brother. I’m sure that’s beyond obvious. But hasn’t he told you about this Henning Peters guy and the great opportunity with the record companies and everything?”
“I think he felt weird about the fight and then I was sick. Honestly, we haven’t spoken that much,” she said. “He’s going to work with Henning Peters?”
“Yes.”
“Wow. That’s huge.”
“Yes, it is. I’m a distraction, Nell,” I admitted, staring at my hands. Except only cowards did things like that. I raised my face again. “That’s the reality of your brother and me.”
She just looked at me.
“You’re right about this place, your parents’ house. Past issues bother him, make it hard to be here. I can only say that because I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know.” Unlike the sale of the house. That was his news to share. Oops about the Henning Peters thing.
“I’m sorry,” Nell said.
“It is what it is. We’re friends.” I swallowed hard, doing my best to keep my cool. “Thank you for offering to let me stay, to store my things here.”
“Of course.”
We both tried to smile. I think hers was better than mine.
Screw men and their devil penises. I had a future to plan.
There were bound to be problems with me coming into the business. For instance, Eric treating the place like his woo palace. Though Rosie had confided the other day, he’d cut a lot of that out since Nell’s meltdown at him. He’d barely even bothered hitting on me. Still, I’d be watching. Also, how Eric took the news of his upcoming fatherhood could be vital. If he and Nell were able to continue to maintain a functioning relationship for the business’s sake.
But I had a month to settle in, to listen and learn. To see if I could make a go of this. I wanted to be a part of the Dive Bar, to stay in Coeur d’Alene. I had a lot to contribute and, for whatever reason, being here felt right. If it didn’t work out, however, I could always make a Plan B.
Chris had derailed me. Hurt my heart and shaken my pride. He’d also, however, shown me the error of my ways. The stupidity of me blindly scrambling, trying to make up for my crap childhood by replacing it with a bigger shinier house and family. Those things as I knew them were just props.
It might sound all Oprah, but my happiness needed to come from me. I knew that now.
I could build my own home, make a future for myself. Not rely on someone else to come along and magically make me feel like I had worth, as if I belonged. I could be strong on my own.
As a by-product of their bastardry, Chris and company had made me grow up and taught me some important life lessons. With my payout from the Delaneys for never suing for emotional or other damages, and refraining from ever telling my story to the press (their fear of Brett Chen being of significant worth), I’d be implementing what I’d learned.
Ironic, really. I might even thank my ex-fiancé one of these days.
Doubt it, though.