On the one hand, my stomach is twisting in painful knots at the prospect of sitting across my desk from Christian, looking into his eyes, and pretending that I feel nothing. I could curl up under the comforter and stay in bed all day, avoiding the scene entirely. It’s tempting.
On the other hand, I haven’t seen him since last Thursday…and it’s killing me. I’m so angry at him. I’m so baffled by what he chose to do. But something deep inside me wants to be close to him, wants to be touching him, wants to be fighting with him even, if that’s what it takes to get past this.
I shove the covers off of me and get out of bed in a huff, sick to death of feeling this way. I need to make up my mind.
I turn on the shower, adjusting the water to the perfect temperature, and step inside.
More than anything, I need to be a professional. HRM was my ticket out of Colorado, and if nothing else, it can be my ticket away from Christian, too.
I stop mid-shampoo. That solution doesn’t sit right, either. HRM has offices all over the world, and I could request another transfer, but how would it look right now? Not great. I haven’t been at headquarters long enough to prove myself.
There’s only one course of action right now. I need to finish my shower, dry my hair, and gird my fucking loins for the gut-wrenching meeting at ten.
My hands tremble over my keyboard all through the morning.
At ten minutes to ten, I lean back in my chair and clench them into fists, stilling my body through sheer force of will.
You are in control of this meeting, I remind myself. This is your job, and you’re great at it.
I can feel my face slipping into the neutral expression that I’ve always worn before high-pressure meetings. A former boss of mine once said that he wondered if anything ever shook me, and I laughed it off. “No,” I said. “Nothing ever does.” That’s the kind of illusion you need to maintain if you’re going to work in PR, and I’ve been damn good at it so far.
Christian has taken me far off that path, but I’m back on it and ready to face him.
That’s what I’m telling myself when my phone rings at 9:55.
It’s Adam, calling from his desk.
“Campbell,” I say, my voice strong and clear. I’ll be damned if I let anyone see how much this has shaken me, how much it’s made me doubt everything that happened over the past few weeks.
“Mr. Pierce is here for your ten o’clock. Should I send him in?”
“Absolutely,” I say, and my heart wrenches in my chest.
Moments later, my office door swings open, Adam holding it, and Christian strides through, his chin up, his back straight. I drop my shoulders a little and lift my chin in answer. Adam gives me a nod and pulls the door closed behind him as Christian crosses the office without a pause and sits down across from me.
He looks like shit.
That’s not entirely true. He looks amazing. He always does. He’s clean-shaven, giving me an unobstructed view of his chiseled jaw, and his suit is tailored to perfection. I’m sure that what’s underneath hasn’t changed at all.
But his eyes are filled with pain—and something else.
“Mr. Pierce.”
“Ms. Campbell.”
His words settle in the air between us, and fuck, I feel my throat tightening up.
Not now.
I swallow hard and give him a thin-lipped smile. “I’m sorry I had to cancel our meeting last week. I wasn’t feeling well.” My tone was meant to be confident, but my voice rings false, strained. This isn’t what I want to be saying.
“I understand.”
“Thank you.” I slide a leather portfolio across the desk to him. “This is what I have planned for the upcoming week. If there are any tweaks you’d like me to make in terms of scheduling or venue, I thought we could go over those today.”
He reaches out one of his strong hands. I want him to be reaching for me, cupping the side of my face, pressing against the small of my back while he kisses me like tomorrow might never come. Instead he flips open the portfolio and scans the top sheet.
“I have no problem with this schedule.”
Christian’s voice gives away nothing, but his eyes…
I want to say, why did you lie to me? I want to say, how could you? I want to say, take it back. I want to howl my heartbreak at him.
I say none of those things.
Instead I say, “Wonderful. I won’t take up any more of your time today, Mr. Pierce. I’ll see you on Monday for the veteran’s benefit event.”
And then, even as my heart is tearing in two, I rise from my seat and extend my hand across the desk to him.
He rises to meet me, his eyes never leaving mine, and puts out his hand.
Takes mine in his.
Shakes.
Like we’re business associates, and nothing more. Yet at the touch of our skin I feel it—that connection, that undeniable recognition…
My heart is never going to be whole again.
He drops my hand and turns to go, and I sit back down, my fists balled in my lap.
Christian pauses, his hand on the door handle, and looks back at me.
“This?” he says, waving his hand between us. “It isn’t over.”
Then he’s gone.
Chapter 44
Christian
I don’t know what came over me back there.