“How so?” Alec says, taking my hand in his and clasping it tightly.
“I just wonder if there’s ever going to be…anything I can do… for you or …in Saintland,” I say, trying to choose the right words.
Alec gives me an indulgent smile. “You’re doing so much, Jessica. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“But I never see you, and what I’m doing doesn’t make my heart sing.”
“I just want to be sure that I’m right for you. That what we’re doing is right for you.” I bite my lip, my eyes downcast.
Alec smiles warmly and leans down to kiss me, softly, lightly, on my lips. He takes a few too many seconds to answer my question, and my heart wrenches in my chest. “Of course you’re right for me. I’m just a little pressed for time. I promise you, as soon as this all lets up, I’ll be in your rooms all the time. You won’t be able to get rid of me.”
He kisses my knuckles and turns away, already lost in thought.
I couldn’t help but notice the pause before he answered.
I couldn’t help but notice the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.
I couldn’t help but notice that, in his hurry to get back to his duties, he forgot to tell me he loved me.
Attending yet another reception that evening, my mood is overshadowed by a dark cloud hanging over me, insistent and heavy. I don’t feel like we’ve reached a resolution, and though there’s an ache in my heart from the powerful love I feel for Alec, I’m not sure that it will be enough anymore.
That I will be enough for him.
That he can be enough for me.
So, even though my hair has been meticulously coifed and my outfit is elegant, thanks to Claire, my mind is a mess.
Which is exactly why, for the first time in my life, I cause an international incident.
The reception is being held in honor of an ambassador from Spain. Claire explained to me that he is notorious for nitpicking etiquette and protocol, so although I will be attending as a guest of the king and crown prince, I must follow every royal code to the letter.
I’m hungry and pissed off at Alec when I arrive, and the doubt is taking over my mind and growing like a cancer in my gut.
Alec introduces me to the ambassador, but as soon as I can safely extricate myself from the conversation, I make a beeline for the refreshment table.
I’m nobody when it comes down to it, and in Saintland, I will always be nobody. I’m just a pretty woman attached to the crown prince’s arm.
He doesn’t seem to care anymore, either.
My stomach growls as I start filling a plate, heaping it high with food. If I’m going to be scheduled within an inch of my life and expected to spend my free time waiting for my boyfriend to find a spare moment for me, I’m at least going to enjoy all the perks that living in Sainthall Palace offers.
It’s not until I reach the end of the table and turn around, a bite of food already in my mouth, that I realize everyone is staring at me.
“Shit,” I say, softly, but the word still seems to echo throughout the room. The Spanish ambassador is glaring at me.
He was supposed to be the first person to go through the food line.
There will be a formal dinner in a few hours, but these events always begin with heavy appetizers. The several-course meals last for at least two hours, going late into the night. I didn’t feel like waiting.
I should have thought it through before I started stuffing my face.
The silence is suffocating.
I have no choice.
I turn and set my plate on the back edge of the table, and a member of the wait staff glides by and whisks it away.
“I’m sorry,” I mouth to the ambassador, my face on fire with embarrassment.
Slowly, the conversation starts up again, but my shoulders tense and fingers of mortification streak down my spine.
I stand rooted to the spot for a full thirty seconds before I find the courage to move to sit down among a row of seats next to the wall. After a minute, Alec joins me. I smile up at him. Never in my life have I been more desperate for someone to tell me that it was just a silly mistake, that my faux pas didn’t matter.
But his eyes are dark with anger.
“Jessica,” he hisses, keeping his face neutral, yet his anger is obvious. “Unbelievable!”
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, standing up to face him but my eyes downcast in embarrassment. “I…I wasn’t thinking. I’ve been under some stress, and I got—.”
Alec scoffs. “You’ve been under stress? Give me a break.”
I jerk back at the sound of his tone. It almost feels like he’s slapped me in the face. “There’s no need to speak to me that way,” I respond, trying to retain my composure.