“And I wasn’t reason enough before?” Her question comes out quietly.
I drop my hold on her chin and grip the back of my neck. “It’s not that simple. I had to make something of myself first. I couldn’t come back until now.”
Greer shakes her head. “I don’t understand.”
I stare into her beautiful dark eyes and give it to her straight. “Do you really think your brother would’ve let you date a maintenance guy, Greer? Would he ever believe I was after anything but your money? Do you think I’d ever be able to respect myself if he thought that?”
Realization dawned over her delicate features. “It never mattered to me. And what my brother thinks shouldn’t have mattered to you either. Do you really believe I’m that shallow? That I gave a fuck what you did for a living?”
“It’s called pride, Greer. I wasn’t about to swallow it. I couldn’t come to you until I was an equal. And when I finally got there, you were dating a guy who was from your world. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Come in and crash something I thought made you happy?”
“Is that the only reason you stayed away this long?” she asks.
I look her dead in the eye and lie. “Yes.”
“Oh my God, he fucked you up against the wall?” Banner’s gushing over drinks the day after Cav and I had the Rikers discussion that ended in a stand-off. “This guy gets my vote for sure.”
“Shhh . . .” I glance around to see if anyone else heard her from this isolated corner in the loud bar. No heads are swinging this way, so I consider it a lucky break. “He bought a condo in my building, B. He says he’s staying for a while. Waiting on some contract to get worked out for his next role, so he’s got time to kill in between.”
She picks up her dirty martini and sips. “So, when do I get to meet him? This is the friend-approval stage, and we need to check all the boxes this time around.”
Last time around, Tracey approved of Cav mightily, and even with a hint of jealousy. Sadness pangs me when I think of her. Three months before graduation, and only days before Cav disappeared, she was killed in a hit-and-run near the law school.
Even now, it seems so senseless and inexplicable. Survivor’s guilt still plagues me because I should have been with her—we were training for a couch to half marathon—and I would have been if Creighton hadn’t asked me to accompany him to a meeting to sign a bunch of paperwork for my trust.
“I guess you’ll get to meet him when I figure out what the hell I’m going to do with him.”
Banner eyes me with confusion. “Do with him? We’ve already determined what you’re going to do with him—let him bang you repeatedly up against walls. Bent over counters and couches work too. And in the shower. Wait until you get bored to start fucking in a bed. Oh, and elevators. Maybe the backseat of a limo?”
Her list of suggestions comes way too rapidly for her not to have spent some time thinking about this. But then again, she’s Banner, so she’s always thinking about this. She should have been a writer or something, but Banner always goes her own way.
“I haven’t even decided if I’m going to . . . bang him again.”
Her expression is comical. If her jaw could drop any further, it would be nearing the table. “Are you shitting me? Girl, you were born to walk a red carpet on the arm of a man that gorgeous. And I’m going to Hollywood to find one of my own, tagging along with your little party.”
And it all becomes clear. “You’re going to use me and Cav to find yourself a man?”
“Hell yes! What best friend wouldn’t? I’m sexy. I’m single. Some guy would be lucky as hell to lock down this ass. If I ever give one the chance.”
She’s right. Any guy would be lucky to have a shot with her, if she’d give them a chance past the first date. Banner is most definitely an I fuck on the first date kind of girl, because she doesn’t usually go back for seconds and she’s got “needs.”
I guess she rubbed off on me because I didn’t wait past the first five minutes to get naked with Cav. Or then again, I guess you could say I waited way too long for that. After I finally got up the nerve to talk to him the first time around, it was another few weeks of flirting before we moved to the next level. All leading up to the night he stood me up.
I know I can’t take another step forward with Cav until I come to terms with what happened before. We have no future if I can’t let it go. I won’t be the bitter woman holding something over her man’s head for the rest of his life; I’m not built like that. But I also have enough self-awareness to know that my abandonment issues aren’t easily overcome.
“Earth to Greer. We’ve got incoming . . .”