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I reread the last line of her email a few more times and smiled before closing the app.
I’ll deal with her when I get off ...
THE DOCTOR
New York, New York
Garrett
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By the time I left work, it was nine o’clock at night and my tolerance for incompetence had reached a new low. I’d had to berate the interns in my department for being careless with their patient reports, sit through a two-hour session with a miserable married couple who was better off divorced, and force myself to finish reading a forty-page report on a new therapy technique.
Somewhere in between all of the stress, I’d depleted my newest supply of Twizzlers, and the last thing I wanted to do tonight was join my staff for the celebratory “Number One Practice in New York, again” dinner. Instead, I found myself polishing the trophy in my living room, placing it right next to the previous years’ awards on my shelf.
I stared at them all for a long time, knowing my father was somewhere above saying, “I fucking told you so, son.”
Hitting the lights, I headed into my kitchen and poured myself a glass of bourbon — quickly tossing it back before pouring another. Then I pulled out my phone and logged into the NewYorkMinute app, noticing that JerseyGirl7 had sent me a second message for the day.
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Subject: The Advice.
Your “patients” must be really driving you crazy today, since you’re too busy to answer. (This doctor thing is quite the charade ...) So, I’ll make my questions brief: 1.) Me and the guy just exchanged pictures and he’s sexy and mouth-wateringly-hot. This has absolutely nothing to do with this email. I just wanted to rub that fact in your face.
2.) Do you think I should wear a dress with stockings or a very revealing top with tight jeans? As a guy, which one says, “I’m definitely interested in sleeping with you after this date?”
3.) He said he “couldn’t wait to slurp [my] pussy” ... What does that mean?
4.) I really need this to work out. Unlike you, I would prefer not to go another month relying on just my fantasies and my hand ...
ALSO — If we ever do meet and I wanted to give you a small gift for all your advice over these months, what would be appropriate? A make-believe doctor kit? A collection of better porn?
**JerseyGirl7
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I smiled and fired off an immediate response.
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Subject: Re: The Advice.
My “patients” did drive me crazy today, but not as much as my staff. (I have no reason to lie to you about my occupation.) Thank you, so much, for keeping this week’s sad and pathetic questions brief.
1.) Seeing as though I’m far from gay, I’m not sure why I would give a fuck if the guy you’re about to see is “sexy” or “mouth-wateringly hot” at all.
2.) You should wear a dress. No stockings.
3.) It means he has no idea how to eat pussy.
4.) I’ve told you about the danger of making your silly assumptions when it comes to my sex life ...
ALSO — A bulk package of Twizzlers would be “appropriate” but your lips wrapped around my cock would be preferred.
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**D-DOCTOR
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She emailed me right back.
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Subject: Re: Re: The Advice.
He definitely knows how to eat pussy. You should SEE all the dirty messages he’s sent me. I’m sure they’re far filthier than anything you’ve ever sent someone.
**JerseyGirl7
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Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Advice I highly doubt that ...
**D-DOCTOR
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I scrolled through our never-ending thread of messages, all the way up to when they first began, when I realized this woman definitely had an obsession with talking about sex. Which was quite ironic because from the time since we’d “met,” she hadn’t had any sex at all. All of her dates had ended in disaster, for one reason or another, and I’d learned more about her personal vibrator use than I ever wanted to know.
I think we need to finally take this offline ...
Before she could respond to my last message, I sent her another.
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Subject: Your Date
I can guarantee that it’s going to be another disappointment. I personally think you should cancel it so you can save yourself some wasted time.
**D-DOCTOR
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Subject: Re: Your Date
And I can guarantee that it won’t be. He’s an 80% match. Eighty percent. Not only that, but I’ve attached screenshots of some of his most recent messages to me.
Read and learn how to talk dirty, “Doctor”. Read and learn ...
**JerseyGirl7
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I managed to read one message — the “I’m totally going to lick and slurp your wet pussy, and I can’t wait for you to see my cock. It’s the size of a sausage,” —before rolling my eyes.
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Subject: Re: Re: Your Date