“We’ll try to get this ready in the next few days. So Neena can see it.”
“I appreciate that.” I give a small wave and head toward the door. One quick once-over of the office and I’m out of here.
“Clara,” she says my name, causing me to turn. “I know Paul was the adventurer . . . the fearless risk-taker. I know they joked about how you never jumped, but if you think about it . . . you did.”
I smirk, unsure of what she means.
“You left your home and moved to a different state, taking on a job you knew nothing about. You bought a house on your own; fixed it mostly on your own. You had a baby as a single woman. It may not be jumping out of planes, but it sounds like one hell of an adventure to me.” She gives an appreciative smirk. “You’re pretty badass, Clara.”
I grin. “I guess that’s one way to look at it. Thanks, Ashley.”
With another wave, I’m out the door.
We’re waiting on Ashley and her crew to arrive. Ashley called yesterday and said the tape was ready. Clara is upstairs taking a shower and I’m lying beside Neena on her bed, thumb wrestling. She’s so weak, she can barely play, but she still tries. I let her win anyway.
“Dad.”
“Yeah, kid?” I answer.
“Do you believe in heaven?”
Her question stuns me for a moment. Lacing my fingers together over my chest, I let out a long breath. “I want to believe in heaven,” I admit. “What about you, kid?”
She stares up at the ceiling. “I think . . . this can’t be it. There has to be more.” Turning her head, she looks at me. “I don’t want to not exist anymore.”
Damn. Her statement gets to me. This kid knows how to get my heart twisted. “I don’t want you to not exist anymore either, Neena.”
“Maybe it’s like a dream,” she muses. “Maybe if I just imagine it, it will be so.”
I smile sadly. Taking her tiny, frail hand in mine, I lace our fingers together. Her skin is cool against mine. “Will you tell me what you see?”
She smiles. “Okay. Close your eyes.”
I do as she says and she shimmies closer, resting her head against my shoulder. “I see a beach with sand that’s almost white. It feels soft under my feet. The water is blue, but you can see to bottom of the ocean it’s so clear. I want there to be color. Maybe the sky will have that glow just after sunset, ya know, when it’s orange and red.”
My eyes are still closed but I smile. I know exactly what she means. “That’s perfect, princess.”
“Mom would be there. And she’d be laughing. Like really laughing. Her hair would be blowing in the breeze and she’d take my hand and point up to the sky at you.”
“Me?” I question.
She huffs a tired laugh. “You would have just dived out of a plane and you’d be drifting toward us, your chute open. When you land, you’d walk toward us, smiling. You’d kiss mom and she’d grin.”
“That sounds amazing, Neena,” I admit, my voice becoming husky with emotion. And I grip her hand tighter. “What else?”
She sighs. “I’d have hair again. Long hair. I wouldn’t be so tired. And I’d look healthy and happy. Marcus and Mei-ling would be there, too.” She lets out a small giggle. “Marcus would let me bury him in the sand like he did when I was little.”
I chuckle. “I’m sure he would.”
“That’s my heaven.”
Squeezing her hand, I turn my head and kiss her temple. “That’s where I’ll see you, Neena,” I manage. “On that beach, with an orange-red sky and blue water.”
“And I’ll have hair,” she reminds me.
“Yes,” I agree.
“And boobs,” she adds.
I nearly choke with her words. “I’m not sure I want to imagine you with those.”
“I don’t want to look like I’m twelve for all eternity, Dad,” she comments dryly.
“How about I imagine you matured?” I offer. “Let’s not focus on any particular body parts.”
“That’s fair.”
A few minutes later, her breathing slows as she drifts off to sleep, her head resting against me and try as I may, I can’t stop the tear that trickles down my cheek.
Ashley, Zane, and Mills have just left. Marcus, Paul, and I walked them out, said our good-byes, and hugged them for their hard work. The tape was beautiful. They made two, one that gave a brief summary of our story that they intend to share with the public, and one just for us.
Hearing Paul tell his side of the story was hard, but it was an eye-opening experience as well. Some parts made me tear up, others made me laugh. Neena couldn’t look away. She was absorbing every detail. As the kids left, we promised to call if we needed anything. Neena requested this be the last time they visit before she passes. She didn’t want them to remember her at her worst.