The blood drained from my face as a new wave of pain set in. Ten minutes? That was all he could spare for me? Damn, that hurt. I’d never felt so shunned in my life. Even if he didn’t want to be with me anymore, couldn’t he show some kind of . . . feeling? Some respect? I was his wife, and we’d spent years together. Didn’t I deserve that?
I pushed down the hurt and inhaled deeply. “I miss you.” It was hard to say. Not because it wasn’t true. It was so true. Why I missed him, I had no idea, especially when he was acting so cruelly. Scratch that. I knew why this was so difficult to swallow. I’d lost my parents through a cruel twist of fate. I didn’t take being left very well. I was lonely. It was also hard because I was opening up to him. I was handing him the power to intentionally hurt me more by dismissing me or belittling my feelings. Not to mention my pride. His rejection would be the final blow to what dignity I had left.
He closed his eyes for a minute before opening them again and meeting my gaze, as if I was exhausting him. “Daisy is pregnant.”
I went numb.
Sometimes, something hurts you so badly, and the pain is so much, your body and mind somehow shut down to it. So this was what it meant to be shocked. I was in full-on shock. His face contorted. He knew what that news was doing to me—how it was killing me.
“It’s still very early,” he continued, without a care in the world. “Only a couple of weeks. She just took the test yesterday. I thought you should know. Maybe now the calls will stop.”
When I didn’t respond, he must’ve realized how cruel he had sounded. He made me sound like a pesky telemarketer. Maybe now the calls will stop. He went on to assure me they hadn’t slept together until after he and I had split. But just as quickly as his integrity had shown up, it went away in the snap of a finger, and he informed me that she was going to move into our apartment with him. That I was to look for a new home because he was tired of staying in her tiny studio. I guess he didn’t stay with his parents like he’d said he would. At some point, in spite of my inability to respond to his news with words, my body shook and my eyes teared up. This was when he decided to make his exit.
“I’m sorry, Clara, but I have to go.” Yep. I was on the same level of importance as a goddamn telemarketer. Standing, he pulled a large manila envelope out of his briefcase and placed it on the table. “We can save a lot of money if the divorce isn’t contested. I’m happy to pay for it, if that’s the case. I just need your signature for the separation agreement.”
When he turned to go, I panicked. I didn’t want him to leave, but I knew it was over. He didn’t want me anymore. And even if he had, there was no going back. He’d made irrevocable decisions. It didn’t matter how much I loved him, there were just some things a person couldn’t overlook. I panicked because I couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving believing I was pathetic; believing I was just going to be sitting around pining over him and crying myself to sleep every night. I couldn’t bear to look that weak.
“I’m moving to Virginia,” I blurted out. He turned back, tilting his head to the side in question. “I’m not selling the business. I’m moving there and starting fresh.” In my brief time with Paul James and his small friend, I hadn’t realized my capacity to hate a situation. They were nitwits running a business half-assed. But as awful as they were and as scary and risky as it was to move to Virginia to start over, it paled in comparison to how truly awful staying in Texas where Kurt and his expecting girlfriend would be.
“I thought you didn’t want to work there—that it was too painful?”
Standing, I picked up the envelope and approached him. I was trembling, barely holding it together. His news had destroyed me. It took all of my strength to hold strong; to stop my body from shaking with emotion. But somehow I managed. I ignored his statement. He didn’t get to know my feelings anymore.
“I’m leaving at the end of the month. I’ll be out of the apartment by the twenty-ninth. Then you and Daisy can move in and start your lives together. I’ll make sure your attorney gets my forwarding information.”
“Clara,” he said my name as if he didn’t understand.
My grandmother, who raised me, always said in moments like this, when you want to scream and yell, you should take the high road. Kill them with kindness, she’d say. I’d like to say I heeded this advice often, but that would be bullshit. Frankly, I rarely took the higher road, but this time, I did. Standing on my tiptoes, I held his shoulder with one hand as I kissed him chastely on the cheek. Leaning in so my mouth was to his ear, I whispered, “I wish you all the happiness in the world.”
I walked out and didn’t look back. The moment I got home, I called Richard Mateo and informed him I would not be selling my half of the business.
“GPS says ten minutes,” Ally said, pulling me from my memories.
“Praise Jesus,” Vanessa moaned. “I have never had to pee so bad in my life.”