I nod; unsure of how to feel about that. On one hand, I’m glad she hasn’t been with a lot of other men. I know I’m asshole for it, but it’s true. On the other hand, she’s been taking care of our sick daughter. I never meant for her to be alone.
“Why’d you stay, Marcus?” I finally ask. “You hated her when I left. Now you guys seem like best friends.”
He looks up at me and sighs. “I stayed because she asked me to.”
I want to ask more questions, because frankly, that wasn’t an acceptable answer. Clara asked Marcus to do lots of things and he never listened. At least he didn’t back when I was around. But before I can delve in, Neena comes barreling down the hall and flings herself on me. “Paul!” I like her spunk.
“Hey, kiddo.” I laugh as I hug her. The warmness spreading through me is foreign as she squeezes me. How can I already feel so connected to someone I just met? “You ready to hang out today?”
“Definitely!” she beams.
After we say our good-byes and Clara gives me a thousand instructions of which I’ll never remember, Neena and I head out.
“Be careful,” Clara tells me in her typical serious tone, as we’re about to exit the building. And I know the words mean more. She doesn’t mean just be careful while I’m out with Neena. She means to be careful with Neena, period—don’t hurt her, inside or out.
“I will,” I promise. And I mean it.
I’ve been home since five, waiting for Paul to bring Neena home. He’s texted me several times throughout the day, letting me know Neena was good and they’d be back around dinner time. It isn’t until seven that I hear the front door open and Neena yells, “Mom!”
“Kitchen,” I yell back, as I put the last dirty plate in the dishwasher.
A moment later, Neena comes strolling into the kitchen, her face lit up with a huge smile. Seems today was a good day. I love seeing her excited like this.
“Can I use your laptop?” she asks.
“For what?”
“Paul and I want to watch some of his stunts on YouTube.” That’s when Paul enters.
“I told her it was getting late and tomorrow might be better.”
“Please, Mom,” she begs.
Closing the dishwasher, I laugh. “Sure. I guess.” Neena sprints away, leaving me and Paul chuckling. “I think you have a new fan.”
“My only fan these days,” he jests. His gaze moves to his side and his eyes narrow as he looks at the door frame leading into the kitchen. He glides his finger down the panel of would, a sideways smirk on his face. He’s noticed I kept the engravings, but doesn’t speak a word about it. Silence falls between us, before Paul moves to the fridge and squints as he bends down, looking at the pictures Neena has taped to the doors. I stand beside him and when he points to the photo of Neena and Marcus dressed up as Bonnie and Clyde for Halloween, I laugh.
“I bet she had to beg him to do this.” Paul snorts.
“Actually, she didn’t. To the rest of the world, he’s still a grumpy little asshole, but he’s different with her. They’re like two peas in a pod.”
Paul gives a small half nod, his gaze falling for a moment, before rising again. This time, he points to a photo of Neena and me. It’s a selfie Neena took one night when we were lying in bed together watching The Vampire Diaries. Personally, I think the show is okay, and she loves it, so that’s all that really matters to me. “She really is beautiful, Clara,” he notes. Then, moving his dark gaze to me, he adds, “Just like you.”
My cheeks heat with his praise . . . or maybe it’s the sexy gaze, and I have to turn away to hide a smile. Get your shit together, Clara. He left you. “Did you guys eat dinner?” I ask, trying desperately to change the subject.
“We stopped and had a sub on the way.”
“Good.” I nod and turn, closing the dishwasher.
“Got the laptop!” Neena announces as she rushes back in. “Can we make popcorn, Mom?”
I struggle to hide my lack of enthusiasm. It’s not that I don’t want to make popcorn with my child. It’s just . . . The more I’m around Paul, the more I lose my grip on reality. I cannot fall for Paul James again. I simply can’t. I don’t think I can survive losing him again. My fear of losing Neena, if I lose Neena, will kill me. I’m not ready to endure being left by Paul yet again. You can do this, Clara. You can do this for Neena. She wants me to get along with Paul, and that’s what I plan to do . . . for her.
“You two get the videos going and I’ll get it ready,” I manage after a moment, plastering a forced smile on my face.
If she notices, it doesn’t show. “Come on, Paul,” Neena calls. Paul turns to me with a soft and grateful smile. Before he follows her, he mouths, thank you.
Nodding once, I watch them exit and inhale deeply. You can do this, Clara.
I’ve been back in town for a little over two weeks now and I’ve spent as much time as Clara will allow with Neena. Clara seems to be particularly wound up tight, but I think it’s because we’re waiting on the results to find out if I’m a match or not. Not being a match would knock me to my knees. She’s an amazing little girl.