Hate.
“She sure is something,” Ryder mutters, watching me. As always, his eyes sadden when they spot my chest. He blames himself, I know it. Always does when one of us gets hurt, always thinking he has to protect us. Save us. He doesn’t, but he won’t listen to me, not that we ever spoke about what happened. “Maybe you shouldn’t be around her, I’m sorry, I didn’t think about what it would do to bring her here…” He scrubs his hand through his hair, mussing it slightly.
That, in Ryder standards, is a meltdown.
“No, it’s fine,” I snap, turning away, not letting him see how close I came to losing myself to those emotions. To that darkness…those demons, the ones I fight every day. The ones I beat down with pain, fists, and kicks.
“I can kill her, she wouldn’t be a problem then,” he muses, so calmly, but when I drop the towel, yanking on my grey shorts, I look over to see his lips tilting down. He doesn’t want to kill her. She’s under his skin as well—interesting.
“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t prepared, I will be now. I’ll stay away from her until we decide what we’re doing with her,” I reply, as I tug on a shirt and grab my bag, tucking my gun into my waistband.
“You going to the pits?” he asks, letting out a long breath as he slicks his hair back.
“I need to.” I sigh, looking at my back, and his hand lands on my arm again.
“I know, go, do what you need to do to beat this. But then come back to us,” he orders before leaving.
Sucking in a breath, I let his words guide me. Come back to us. How does he know I’m so close to being lost? So close to dropping my guard ever so slightly to let those flurries of fists connect, killing me? It would be easier, but it’s not our way.
Vipers never give up.
Vipers never stop fighting.
Vipers are winners.
Striding from my room, I ignore the others who are sitting downstairs as I slam the door behind me. They will never know how close I am to the edge. Diesel went over it a long time ago, but he learned how to live in the dark. Kenzo walks that line, and Ryder? Ryder holds it all back with pure fucking strength.
Me? I beat it down.
Again and again, no matter how much this body gets broken. It’s the only way I can function. To feel that adrenaline pumping through me, releasing my fury on another person. They often don’t leave the ring on their own two feet. Those people there scream my name as blood drips from my bulging muscles, and they love it.
I hate it, but it’s a necessity.
It once wasn’t. I was the best, even did it professionally before I realised how much money could be had in underground fighting. Now I have no other choice, I’m too brutal for professional fighting. I want my opponent to hurt, to bleed. I want their bones to break under my fists, their eyes to blacken.
I want their pain.
I paint them with the destruction of my fists.
I pummel the man. He tries to block, to duck behind his arms, but he can’t stop me. I give him everything, handing myself over to those emotions until I’m nothing more than anger. He falls to the floor, and I follow him down.
Pinning him there, I smash my fists into his unprotected face. My knuckles crack, splitting open. My own blood coats his face, but even then I don’t stop. The crowd screams, pressing closer so they can almost taste the bloodshed. They love it.
They scream my name, but it all fades to a buzz as I swing fist after fist. The man passes out, but I still keep going, his head jerking to the side with each hard punch. Someone tries to get me to stop, but I push them away. I can’t stop. I can’t.
I need this.
I need him to bleed.
I need the pain.
I’m yanked away from the man, his chest is barely rising, his face caved in. Turning, I snarl, punching anyone who gets too close until the ref’s, and the four security guards’ currently trying to stop me, faces come into view.
Chest heaving, muscles screaming and soaked in sweat, I stand in the middle of the ring with the spotlight on me. I nod to let them know I’m back, that I’m okay. It goes quiet until the ref grabs my damaged hand and lifts it into the air, shouting into the mic about me winning. I don’t care.
I stand there as the crowd surges, screaming, chanting, and stomping in the basement of the old paper factory. The stands are made from what they could find, and the ring is basically a chalk drawing with ropes around it.
But some of the richest people in the city are here, as well as the poorest. Yet they are the fighters, street kids like I once was. Anyone trying to change their future, giving everything. The ref leans closer. “We have another guy, you look like you need it.”
I nod, he’s right, I do. Roxy’s eyes keep flashing in my mind, and I need someone to beat them out. “Make it two,” I snarl, as I stride from the ring and throw back some water before letting it wash across my face. Peeling back the tape from my knuckles, I assess the damage—not too bad.
A woman sidles up next to me as they pick up the guy I almost killed from the ring and toss him aside like trash. The loser gets nothing, after all. I slip the money from my winnings into my bag, not that I need it, but it doesn’t hurt. The woman coughs slightly when I don’t look at her, her body almost pressing to my side…another woman did that once.
Her.
I should have known then she wasn’t right, but I was too fucking blind. Too trusting. Too na?ve. Not anymore. Never again.
The anger comes back full force as I glance at the intruder. The dress she’s wearing is too tight, pushing up her fake boobs, almost making them spill from the top. Her red hair is curled, and her face is covered in makeup to within an inch of her life.
I can’t help but compare her to that firework back at our apartment. She has nothing on Roxy. “What?” I growl, done with being nice. I don’t have to be here, they all know me. Know what I am.
Women ache for a taste, thinking they can handle the madness in me. The men cheer it on, wanting to watch me kill. To get their own darkness out through me. They are all wrong. They have no idea what hides in my depths.
“Want some company, baby? You’re a winner, after all,” she purrs, running her hand down my sweaty arm. I grab her fingers and squeeze hard, she gasps in pain, her eyes widening and fear entering those orbs as she shivers under my gaze, shrinking back.
They all do.
They all think they can handle me, but they’re wrong. Even if I wanted to fuck any one of them—which I don’t, not anymore—I couldn’t. I would kill them.
“Do. Not. Touch. Me,” I snarl, just as I hear my name announced. I push her backwards, and she falls to her ass, the people around her laughing. Turning away, I head back to the ring, ready to lose myself in the fight once again.
Maybe I’ll get lucky, maybe they will be a good opponent. Maybe they will give me the pain I need, maybe they will finally kill me and end this misery…
Chapter Fourteen
ROXY