“No.”
“That’s proper quest material right there,” Cass said.
No kidding. Only I wasn’t sure if I really had the energy for a quest. I sat back and looked at my friends, grateful to be in my own place for a little while with the people I loved. Things had been crazy lately. Too crazy.
“I might have had a dream about my past,” I said. “A couple dreams.”
“Yeah?” Cass asked.
“What happened?” Nix asked.
I told them about being a little girl and practicing with the sword and the magic. About how my parents hadn’t wanted me, but Draka had helped me.
“Oh man, I’m sorry.” Sympathy gleamed in Cass’s eyes. “That sucks.”
“Yeah,” Nix added. “I’m jealous you’re both getting your memories back, but it sucks big time that you aren’t getting good memories.”
The embrace of the Phantom dragon tugged at my memory. “Yeah, but I have Draka. Whatever she is. Wherever she is.”
“She’s some kind of Guardian, huh?” Nix asked.
“Yeah. Like a dragon nanny.” My childhood had been weird.
“Maybe the map will take you to her,” Cass said.
“I doubt it. She’s come to me three times. Why would I go to her now if she can just come to me?”
“Good point,” Nix said. “Do you know why you were in a tower in your dream? Or where it was?”
“No. But if the dreams are true, which they must be since Draka is real, then I’ve had this block on my magic since I was a kid.” And I’d used the visualization trick whenever I wanted to control my magic since then. “Draka also mentioned that a dark shadow stalked me.”
Nix frowned. “Oh, that’s not good.”
“It put the curse on me.” I frowned, wishing I knew what the hell was trapped in my mind. So many memories with answers, all out of reach.
Roarke stepped out of the kitchen, two coffee cups in hand. “Coffee?”
“Yes.” Del, Nix, and I spoke in unison.
Roarke handed coffee around, got a couple more from the kitchen, then sat on the couch next to me, careful to keep distance between us.
“How’s it going with the map?” he asked.
I bent over it, pointing. “We have to go to that place. It’s called Cwm Y Ddraig. It’s a little town, I think.”
“Let’s Google it.” Cass pulled out her phone and tapped something in. After a moment, she grinned and held the phone up. “Found it!”
“That was easy,” Roarke said.
“That was just the first part.” I nudged the map across the table so that he could see a bit better. “All those little squiggles are words. They’re clues, but they’re totally obscure. Things like finding the Black Mountain and journeying the Lake-So-Deep.”
He frowned and leaned back. “Then we need to figure it out when we get there?”
“So you’re coming with?” I asked, shooting my deirfiúr a look that said get lost. I didn’t know if it was the blood loss or what, but I was ready to have it out with Roarke. I shoved the embarrassment of my jumping kiss to the back of my mind and met his gaze.
Cass and Nix stood silently and drifted out the door.
“What do you mean, am I coming with?” Roarke asked. “Of course I am. I’m here to help you until you figure out what you are.”
Annoyance surged and I stood, stalking around the coffee table. “Because it’s your job?”
“Yes. And because I want to help you.”
“Because you like me? Then why haven’t you spoken to me almost at all in the last few days? Why haven’t you kissed me again when you clearly want to?”
He was at my side in a heartbeat, gripping my arm firmly but gently and yanking me to him. “You want me to kiss you?”
When he put me on the spot like that, I didn’t know what to say to him. Yeah, I did. But I couldn’t fess up to it after I’d tried and failed to kiss him before.
So I went for the gut instead. “I don’t know what to make of you. I don’t know if I can trust you.”
His brow creased, annoyance on his face. “Seriously? After I broke my most important rule to keep you out of the Underworld, you can’t trust me?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I’d spent a lifetime not trusting people, but then he’d ask why. And I’d have to explain being a FireSoul and hiding my true identity from everyone but my deirfiúr.
Instead, I said, “You’re pretty freaking secretive.”
There was stuff beneath his calm demeanor. He was like Lake Laberge, all calm on the surface with stuff underneath. Was there a shipwreck in his past?
“Because I won’t discuss my brother?” he asked.
“I’ve heard you turned him over to the Order. You can see how this would be a big deal to me, right? Because I don’t want to be turned in to the Order. And if you could do it to your brother, you could do it with me.”
“You know nothing.” He pulled me closer, until I could feel the heat of his body.
My heart raced, galloping away with all my good sense.
Up close, I could see the pain in his gaze.
“You want me to kiss you?” His voice roughened.
I stared at him stupidly, unable to speak. I was mad, but I was also stupid. So yes, damn it. I did want him to kiss me. He took my silence as a yes and swooped his head down, crushing his mouth to mine. My head swam, and my skin heated.
Roarke’s arms enveloped me from behind, pulling me so close that I could feel every inch of him as his lips expertly moved upon mine. They were soft and firm at the same time, so skilled that I shivered, imagining I felt his kiss everywhere. My heartbeat thundered in my ears as his hands, strong and sure, traced my back.
When he finally pulled away, I thought I saw stars. I blinked to bring his face into focus.
“You have secrets, too, Del.” His gaze was serious. “You need to trust me if I’m going to trust you. I have my reasons for the last few days, but I’m not keen on sharing until you do a little bit of that yourself. And you’re sitting on a mountain of secrets.”
He was right. So right.
And I didn’t like it.
I pulled away and turned toward my bedroom, giving him my back. “I need to speak to Cass and Nix. I’ll be back.”
I stalked to the exit and pulled open the door. Nix and Cass stumbled down the stairs, just out of sight. I scowled at the dirty eavesdroppers and pointed my finger down the stairs.
Chagrined, they turned and hurried down, and I followed. We ducked into the first door, which was Nix’s place.
“So, how much did you hear?” I demanded as the door shut behind us.
“All of it,” Cass said.
I shook my head. “You guys have no shame.”
Nix nodded. “None.”
“So how was the kiss?” Cass wiggled her eyebrows.
“None of your business, is what it was.”
Cass nudged Nix with her elbow. “Oh, that means it was good.”
“Yeah,” Nix said. “For sure. But what did he mean about secrets?”
“I don’t know!” But I totally did. “I’ve told him everything but…”
“The fact that we’re FireSouls, right?” Cass asked.
“Because you didn’t want to put us at risk,” Nix added.