Roarke turned on the lights as I laid the map out on the narrow table by the door. We each took a turn snapping a photo with our phones, then sent them to our friends. My skin tingled the whole time, like even it was embarrassed, wanted to run off my body, and get away from what an idiot I was.
“It may take a while to hear back,” Roarke said. “But as long as we’re in the house, we’re fine. It’s protected from demons.”
Desperately, I tried to make conversation and act like this was normal. I could call him out on his mixed signals, but then I’d have to acknowledge my ridiculousness, and this just seemed easier.
So I said, “I guess they’d have good reason to want to take you out. There’d be one less person trying to keep them in hell.”
“Exactly, though they don’t often try. I do like to sleep without worry.”
Sleep. Wow, that sounded great. It’d been a while since I’d had a nap. Or a shower. I could smell myself.
“I’m going to get a shower while we wait to hear back about the map, okay?” I said.
“Sure. I’ll put something on to eat.”
Well, that made it hard to stay annoyed with him. “Thanks.”
I hurried up the wide wooden stairs to the bedroom I’d used last time I was here. It was as ski lodge chic as ever, with beautiful rustic furniture and a massive fireplace. I stopped by one of the wide windows and peered out, looking for demons. The river glittered in the moonlight below, but there were no demons that I could see.
Didn’t mean they weren’t there—or that they wouldn’t show up. Having them stalk my every move, drawn to me like freaking flies to honey, was hell on my nerves. With the Order of the Magica also possibly on my tail, this was turning out to be a pretty rough week.
I touched my fingertips to the comms charm at my neck, igniting the magic. “Cass? Nix?”
“Hey!” Cass said.
“Are you safe?” Nix asked.
“Yeah.”
“What do you know?” Cass asked.
“Not much.” I told them about Cassandra and my powers.
"Oh, that's such shit." Cass frowned. "I'm sorry."
"Thanks."
"But they couldn't help you get rid of the magical block on your mind? Or control your power?" Nix asked.
"No. But they gave me a map that's in a foreign language. It's supposed to lead me to answers. We're waiting to hear back from Dr. Garriso or Roarke's friend. Hopefully one of them can read it."
“That’s a start,” Cass said. “Let us know how it goes.”
“I will.”
“How’s Roarke?” Nix asked. “Everything good there?”
My face heated. “Yeah. About that. I did something stupid.”
“What?” they demanded in unison.
“I tried to kiss him.”
“Aaaaand?” Cass said.
“It went…badly. He pulled away immediately.” My mind replayed the way it had all started. “But it was weird! I mean, he clearly wanted to kiss me. He was giving me the most obvious look, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him until our chests touched, and he even leaned down!”
“Hmmm.” Nix’s voice was thoughtful. “He would have definitely had to lean down. That’s the only way you’d have managed to reach his lips, he’s so damned tall. So he was definitely interested.”
“Exactly!” A memory poked at me, sending hot embarrassment flooding through my veins. “But I did kinda have to give a little hop to get up to him though.”
“Oh man,” Cass groaned. “Once you have to jump to reach a guy…”
“Yeah.” I grimaced. This was the exact reason that setting up permanent residency under the house seemed like a great idea. Except it was Roarke’s house, which would turn me into a weird, troll-like stalker. “It wasn’t a big jump though.”
“He has to have a reason,” Cass said.
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” I leaned against the wall, thudding my head against it.
“You could just ask him,” Cass suggested.
“I’d rather shave my eyebrows off than admit to what just happened.”
“Yeah, give her some time to recover from the humiliation,” Nix said. “And remember… He’s the Warden, and she’s technically still a fugitive from his hell. And don’t forget what Dr. Garriso said about him turning his brother in to the Order.”
Nix’s words only fueled my fear. “Exactly. He says he’s on my side, but it’s so hard to trust that. I thought I was crazy suspecting him, but this proves I wasn’t. I’m not saying he has to kiss me to prove he’s on my side—that’d be pretty freaking creepy of me—but he’s giving me such mixed signals. He clearly wants me. I may have had to jump, but the pre-jump moments were very clear. But something’s holding him back. And he talked to me way more last week than he’s talking to me this week. He doesn’t trust me.”
“Do you trust him?” Cass asked.
“Not really.” I had a hard time believing anyone other than my deirfiúr were on my side. It’d taken me years to grow to trust Connor and Claire.
“It’s smart to be wary,” Nix said. “Between running from the Monster from our past and keeping our FireSoul natures a secret, wariness has kept us alive. And Roarke—he’s got so much power. One change of heart, one word to the wrong person….”
I’d be done. Was that why he’d cooled off in his approach to me? Because he still wasn’t sure of me? He could just toss me aside any time.
The idea of being abandoned felt all too familiar. Like I expected it.
Nah, that was nuts. I had no reason to think that.
“Yeah, be careful. But not so careful that it hurts you in the end,” Cass said. “Give Roarke a chance. There’s gotta be a reason he’s changed his tune.”
My thoughts exactly. But I was afraid of what that reason was.
Chapter Five
After hanging up with Cass and Nix, I showered quickly, then dressed in my old clothes. I could try borrowing some from Roarke, but that was now out of the question. It’d just feel weird to wear his clothes after my failed jumping-kiss. Too personal.
I headed down the stairs to the kitchen, my heart thundering. I tried to distract myself by studying how beautiful Roarke’s home was, but it didn’t work very well.
As I’d expected, he was in the kitchen, pulling something out of the oven.
“Vegetarian lasagna.” He set it on the counter and glanced at me, his gaze so normal that it made me wonder if anything had happened at all.
“Thanks. That was quick.”
“I had it in the fridge.” He gestured to the box of wine on the counter. “Help yourself.”
He’d gotten my favorite kind. “You got that for me?”
“I asked my housekeeper to pick it up.”
So, he didn’t want to kiss me, but he’d obtained my favorite wine. What the heck?
I poured myself a mug, desperately pretending everything was normal and that I hadn’t just made an idiot of myself. “Want one?”
“Sure.”
I poured him one as he set two plates on the table.
“Dr. Garriso hasn’t texted back.” I set my phone next to my plate where I could hear it if he sent a message. “Did you hear anything from your guy?”
“Not yet.”
“Damn.” I dug into the lasagna, burning my mouth in my haste.
“Careful.”
Good advice. I didn’t follow it, chowing down instead. Not because I was hungry, but because I really didn’t want to make conversation.