"I'm so sorry," Evan said in a dejected voice, his fingers rubbing circles on my back.
"Stop, don't be sorry," I said firmly, his eyes snapping back to mine. "You weren't the one that did it. This wasn't something you could have controlled. Dave did what he did because, well, he's a fucker. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I feel so fucking helpless. I couldn't stand back. I lost it when I heard him say…what you remembered." His arms lowered, and he slumped against me, resting his head on my shoulder and clinging desperately to my waist. "And he was my fucking friend. I trusted him and then he…I just can't believe he could do something like that to you. So hateful, so brutal, so unthinkable."
"Mase," I whispered, my fingers tightening on his face to focus his attention on me and my words. "I love you."
His lips curved into a soft smile, his fingers trailing down from my wrists over my forearms to hold my elbows, bringing me closer between his legs and wrapping his arms around my waist. He bent his head forward, resting against my shoulder again.
"Ami," he whispered, his face serious again. "You're worth it." His fingers stroked along my cheek, his words shaking. "You are so fucking worth it."
I gazed up at him, and the intensity of the look in his eyes left me no room for doubt.
Leaning back just slightly, he stared deeply into my eyes, lowering his face to mine and rubbing the tip of his nose gently against my own. My breath caught in my throat at the intimate gesture. He pulled back, a content smile on his face.
"Are you okay?"
He didn't speak, barely even nodded, just gave on dip of his chin to answer me. His eyes locked on mine, and his mouth was just barely open. I leaned in, as if I was going to kiss him, and his eyes fluttered close. Then I kissed him on his swollen lip, the taste of blood present on my tongue from where his lip had been split open.
Evan broke down when he told me. I could see that now, but I was also grateful that it was him, the voice I needed, telling me the truth even though it broke him.
Barely a breath away, for a moment, he lived inside my heart and saw my soul, and I didn't have to tell him. He knew.
"Ask me," he urged in a passionate whisper, dipping his face low so that it was level with my own. "Ask me why I did it."
"Why?"
"Because whatever it was that made me walk down that alley drew me in, and I'm never letting go." He paused, then imploring me with his eyes to trust him, believe him, and understand him. This wasn't something he could walk away from.
"Don't let go. I need you," I said, feeling like given the circumstances, he needed to know that.
He froze, his eyes wide, his mouth slack. When I smiled, he came back around.
"Say it again," he demanded, his voice low and full of emotion.
I swallowed once, needing my voice to be clear and strong. "Don't let go. I need you." Tears fell down my cheeks only to be rubbed away by his thumbs.
I would have said more, I wanted to say more, but his lips crashed to mine instead, and I lost myself in emotion. For so long I didn't want to rely on anyone anymore out of fear that they'd be taken away from me. But with Evan, I had no choice. He was there, giving his heart, begging me to love him. Something about him and that boyish grin and big heart made me fall, when I had no business falling for anyone, let alone a guy like Evan. But I did, and I didn't regret it.
Evan had to get stitched up and needed a splint put on his hand so I stepped out. Suddenly, looking at Callie, I was flooded with the memory of her telling me about a hockey player she hooked up with being rough and her ending up with a black eye. Now it made sense.
"Callie..." Tears streamed down her red cheeks, knowing what I was going to ask. "Was Dave the guy who knocked you around?"
Callie nodded, unable to speak. My heart hurt for her, letting guys treat her like that and not saying anything. Callie didn't sleep around to be a slut, though it appeared that way. She just liked hockey boys. There was nothing wrong with that. Just because she slept with a few different ones at a time, she never committed and played the ice. But to be hurt by one, physically, wasn't something she should allow. Callie was wise enough to understand that, and she stuck up for herself in some ways, but she also didn't say anything about Dave because she thought she could handle it. I know that if she knew Dave was the guy who attacked me, she would have spoken up.