It never had been.
When he returned home late in the afternoon, his mother awaited him in the kitchen as always. However, from the look in her eyes, Derek could tell that she had more on her mind than cooking. Her greying hair pulled back, she looked rather stern, and for a moment, Derek felt reminded of the rare moments of his childhood when he had gotten himself in trouble. “Is something wrong?” he asked, reaching for the stack of bowls to set the table.
“Not wrong,” his mother corrected, her lips curling slightly as she watched him with dancing eyes. Although her features were rather sharp and angular, his mother was anything but hard and stern. Despite the hardships she had suffered, she had remained young and carefree at heart. “It is good to have ye home, Son.”
Derek nodded. “I am glad to be home,” he said, wondering what she was trying to tell him.
“I know that look.”
Averting his gaze, Derek reached for the spoons. “What look?”
His mother chuckled, “Don’t play dumb with me, my boy! Ye’ve been here a mere few days, and your mind is already racin’ with all the improvements ye wish to make.” Stepping forward, she lifted a finger as her gaze held his. “Ye have the same look you always have when ye get ready to shoulder all our responsibilities yourself.” As Derek tried to step away, she grasped his arm and pulled him back to look at her. “Ye may be the head of the household, but ye’re not alone in this. That is a lesson ye still haven’t learnt. A lesson ye refuse to learn.”
Derek frowned. He was not hearing this reproach for the first time, and yet, he had never been able to understand what it was his mother wanted him to do. “I do know that,” he insisted. “Believe me. Without all of you, the estate would already have fallen to ruins. I know that I’m dependent on your help.”
Shaking her head, his mother chuckled, a rather indulgent smile on her face as though he was only a little boy who simply did not know any better. “Ye should marry,” she said unexpectedly. “Find someone to truly share your burden with.”
“You’d make a mighty fine husband if you’d only smile more,” his sister threw in from the doorway, her face aglow with delight as she walked into the kitchen, little Collin trailing after her.
Swallowing, Derek cleared his throat. “What’s for supper?” he asked then, once more turning to reach for the spoons. “It smells good. I?”
“What are ye not tellin’ us?” his mother asked from behind him, suspicion clear in her voice. Then she stepped around him, and her gaze found his. Her eyes moved as though she could read his mind, and Derek cringed under her scrutiny. It had always been near impossible to keep secrets from his mother!
Raising his head, Derek met her inquisitive gaze openly, then cleared his throat and said, “If you must know, Mother,” he glanced at his sister, who was listening intently, “I am married.”
While his mother’s gaze narrowed, Kara’s mouth dropped open. “You’re married?” his sister beamed, joy brightening her features. “That’s wonderful! Why didn’t you tell us?” A frown descended upon her face. “Where is she? Why did you not bring her home?”
As his sister had prattled on, his mother had kept a close eye on him. Now, she grasped his chin and said, “She means a lot to ye, doesn’t she?” Derek tensed. “And yet, ye act as though ye’ve lost her. What happened?”
When his mother finally released him, Derek stepped back, leaning against the workbench as he prepared to reveal the shameful truth: he had compromised a woman and had forced her into marriage. He would never forgive himself for that!
“But it was an accident?” his sister finally said, trying to console him. “You only meant to protect her from that other gentleman.” Unable to meet Kara’s gaze, Derek once more found a calculating gleam in his mother’s. Although he had refrained from naming said gentleman out of fear it would hurt his sister’s feelings, his mother had no trouble understanding the hidden truth behind this omission.
“It does not matter,” he said. “She does not care for me and decided to remain in town with her family.” Before his mother or sister could ask or say anything more, he strode across the room. “I’ll fetch Sean for supper.”
With her family.
If only that were true.
Remembering the last time they had spoken, Derek could not help but wonder if his wife had decided to…further her acquaintance with Townsend.
The thought made him feel sick to the stomach, and he wondered how long it would take him to finally let her go…and not think about her any longer.
A month? A year? Unlikely.
The rest of his life? Likely.
Forever. Probably.
Chapter Eleven ? A Surprise Visit
As the ton began to flee London after the Season had ended, Madeline remained.
Now, that joining Lord Townsend’s house party was no longer an option, she simply did not know what to do. Within a matter of weeks, her life had turned upside down, and she felt utterly and completely lost.
What was it that she wanted?
She could not say.
Not long ago, she had wanted Townsend…or at least she had thought so. Now, however, Madeline was not so sure. Had she ever truly wanted him? Or had he merely been the one to best fulfil her expectations of a husband?
Whenever she remembered the night at the ball when he had kissed her, Madeline cringed. His words had shamed her, made her see that she had been willing to compromise her own principles, her own virtues. And for what?
Him?
His kiss had not made her feel…not the way her husband’s had.
After all, she had kissed him out of anger and disappointment, to take revenge upon the man who had rejected her. There had been no tenderness and consideration. Lord Townsend had not looked at her…not the way her husband had. He knew nothing about her, had not seen the tension that had held her in its clutches. He had not cared.
Not truly.
But neither had her husband.
And yet, had there not been a moment…a short moment…when he had looked at her…and seen her?
“Lady Elmridge,” the butler intoned, and Madeline almost flinched. “Shall I see her inside?”
“Certainly.” Swallowing, Madeline turned away from the window and toward the door. “Elsbeth, how good of you to come,” she greeted her friend warmly. At least one friendly face! “I thought you had already left London. Did you not tell me that you only intended to stay for a month while repairs were made to Elmridge after the fire?”
A soft smile on her face, Elsbeth shook her head reproachfully. “I would never leave without saying goodbye, and I’m hurt that you would suggest such a thing.” She grasped Madeline’s hands, a warm glow in her eyes. “I came to see how you were. You left rather abruptly…that night…and I didn’t know…I mean I was wondering…”
“Nothing happened,” Madeline stated, cringing at the sigh of relief that escaped her friend. “Well, maybe not nothing,” she admitted, gesturing for Elsbeth to sit down before sinking onto the settee. “I kissed him.”
“What?” her friend’s mouth dropped open.
Unable to meet Elsbeth’s eyes, Madeline played with the hem of her sleeve. “I immediately regretted it. He thought…he thought I wanted to be his mistress.”
Her friend drew in a deep breath, her blue eyes watchful. “But wasn’t that what you told me? What you said your husband had suggested?”
Madeline shrugged, trying to make sense of the chaos in her head. “I know it sounds foolish, but I hadn’t thought about it like that. I just…When he called me that, it…it made me realise that I was making a mistake.” Grinning at her friend sheepishly, Madeline sighed. “There. Happy? No need to point it out.”
“I had no intention of making any comment on the matter,” Elsbeth said, a teasing smile on her face.
“Thank you.”
“What are you going to do now?”
Shaking her head, Madeline shrugged. “I don’t know. I wish I did, but now…”