Ever since that day, I’d been afraid of love. Afraid of the pain it could cause and how easily something so pure could turn into something so filthy.
Anger filled me. Anger I rarely let myself indulge in. I would never admit the pain my mother caused, but it was the driving force behind my workaholic nature. It was the catalyst of my life that turned me into the woman I was.
Alone. Afraid. Angry. So damn angry.
Sliding my fingers across the keypad, I sent an impulsive message.
Needle&Thread: What if I don’t want to be alone? What if I wanted help physically rather than a meaningless text? Would you help then?
I probably shouldn’t have sent it. I already knew his response. But what was so wrong with me that no man wanted to face the wrath of my father and take me for a drink? I didn’t have boobs or hips or experience…but I was willing to learn.
Jethro stood up to him.
I frowned, clutching my phone. That man didn’t count. He was as terrifying as my father, and his motives weren’t genuine. He didn’t want to listen to my tales of woe over dinner. He wasn’t there to woo me. He wanted something more. And it was the more I was petrified of.
Kite007: Okay…whose balls did you steal to write that? You know that doesn’t work with me. I’m not some boy you can snap your fingers at and I’ll come running.
Pain lacerated my chest but I already expected it. Before I could reply, another message vibrated.
Kite007: You just had to fucking do that didn’t you? What do you want from me? A commitment? A relationship? You knew what this was. I thought you were having fun getting off—same as me. Why ruin what we have?
My heart, the same useless organ that’d never been in love, cracked with agony. His anger bled from my phone, poisoning my hand beneath. Fantastic. The only outside interaction I’d had, and it was over. But why his sudden viciousness?
Needle&Thread: All I asked was a simple question, but you jumped down my throat. What’s your deal? Don’t tell me. I can guess. You’re only happy when you’re in charge. But guess what? I can simply delete your number and never reply to you again. You were the one who found me, remember?
I breathed hard, huddling over my phone. I wasn’t done. It was refreshing to finally allow myself to be angry. I wanted to pour it all out before I could swallow it back down again.
Needle&Thread: I think you need to come again, Kite. Your temper is completely uncalled for and misdirected. All I implied was a meeting. One phone call. A kiss maybe if we hit it off in person. Why is that so hard for you? I’ll tell you why. Because you’re commitment phobic and a cheater.
“Congratulations on your collection, Nila. I’m sure—”
I looked up into the eyes of a stranger. The woman had plump lips and wore black eyeshadow.
She paused mid-sentence. “Are you okay?”
I hated her concern. I hated that I came across as some stupid wallflower who could make exquisite clothing but never grace someone’s arm. I don’t want to be here anymore.
I needed fresh air. I needed silence.
Him.
The silent masculinity of Jethro Hawk suddenly called to me like a cooling balm after a burning fire. He might scare me, but he had a body to touch and a mind to explore. Motives or not—he wanted me for the evening. And I was feeling reckless.
“Yes, I’m fine. Excuse me.” Bunching my skirts, I dodged groups of people, heading for the exit. My phone buzzed as I reached the door.
Kite007: Don’t call me that. You lost the right to call me anything the moment you changed from tempting to annoying. I’m not a cheater or commitment phobic. And it’s not hard for me to deny a meeting with you, because I already have women to fuck. I already have enough physical connections and stupid girls making demands of me. You just broke something that wasn’t broken. Congratu-fucking-lations.
My nostrils flared. I broke it? There was nothing to break! This whole thing had been a mistake. Unknowingly he’d taken advantage of some loser gasping for friendship. I was done being that girl. I was done living life in black and white.
I wanted colour. I wanted passion. And there was only one man who could give me what I wanted tonight. I would use him and throw him away—just like Kite did to me.
Kite007: If you didn’t know—that was me cutting you loose. You’re acting like a brat. Go and get laid. That’s what I’m about to do. You want to know things about me? How about this? The woman I meant to text when I mistakenly messaged you is coming over for her long overdue reward. Don’t message me again. The jerking off to your timid replies has bored me. Whoops, I just lost your number….
My teeth gritted. My heart thundered. Pain was swamped by livid rage. How dare he break up with me? How dare he hurt me! How dare I let myself be hurt by a fucking arsehole who I’d never met?
I didn’t care. I don’t care.
But I did care.
I’m so stupid!