And love, well, maybe someday.
What do I have? An open and understanding ear in Hollyn. A small close-knit group of people to lean on. And hope for the future, hope that I might just be able to become mentally healthy again.
Only time will tell.
Jace
Dear Life,
Puffy paint? Fuck you.
Carter
Step Four: Dream Big
DAISY
“Come on you stubborn . . . little . . . thing. Oye!” I screech once the latch hook finally pops into the designated hole I’ve been trying to squeeze it through. “Stop being so difficult,” I chastise the latch-hook rug I’ve been working on for my grams.
When I was in Michaels the other day, picking up some more puffy paint for the dream board we’re supposed to be putting together for Dear Life, I took a gander at the latch-hook rugs and saw a design with two puppies on the front, and I thought what a wonderful “housewarming” present I could give Grams. It would be the perfect little rug for her to step on when she first gets out of bed. It’s always nice to step onto something warm when you first get out of bed rather than a cold, hard floor.
She will love it!
I just didn’t think it was going to be this stubborn.
“Daisy! Are you up in your room?” Amanda’s voice travels up the staircase.
Hopping off my bed, I straighten my green corduroy overalls, and head downstairs. “Hey, everything okay?” I ask.
In the entryway, Amanda is standing with her purse on her shoulder and Hollyn next to her, both wearing coats.
“Oh, hi Hollyn.”
“Hey, Daisy.”
She turns to Amanda and they exchange a conspiratorial look. What are they up to?
“We’re going to go look at bridesmaid’s dresses,” Amanda says, adjusting the strap of her purse.
Holding onto the bannister, I say, “Wow, that’s exciting. Okay, so you’re not going to be around for lunch today?”
“No.” Amanda chuckles. “We were kind of hoping you would come with us.”
I point to myself and adjust the belt that’s cinched around my overalls. “You want me to come with you?”
“Well, it’s kind of mandatory for all bridesmaids to go shopping for their dresses.”
“Mandatory?” What is she . . . “Wait? Am I bridesmaid?”
Hollyn and Amanda both laugh. “Yes. I can’t get married without my sister standing next to me.”
“Are you serious?” I can’t help the giddiness that exudes me. I’ve never been a bridesmaid before. I’ve never had friends to even ask me to be a bridesmaid. This is so exciting. My little heart can’t take the joy coursing through me.
“Of course I’m serious. Come on, go get your purse, we have some shopping to do.”
My brain can’t stop my feet from moving. Instead of going upstairs, I fling my body at Amanda and give her a huge hug, before pulling away and looking at her through tear-filled eyes. With a clogged throat, I make her a promise. “Amanda, I can’t tell you how much this means to me. I promise I will be the best bridesmaid ever.”
Amanda endearingly cups my face like Grams would. “I know you will be. Now go get your purse.”
Without skipping a beat, I run up the stairs, tripping on the top one so I fall to my knees. I hear Amanda ask if I’m okay, but I wave her off and scurry to my feet, quickly grabbing a jacket and a purse.
Eeep, girls’ day out!
Ahhh, I’m going out with the girls. I’m one of the girls. Grams will be so proud of me.
The car ride to the department store is full of wedding talk. Amanda has almost everything planned, which apparently is a good thing since the wedding is in a few months. Being born and raised in Colorado, she wants a real Colorado wedding, so she’s having it out on a ranch just below the mountains, offering a picturesque view. At least that’s what she said.
“Did Matt make any requests?” I ask, getting out of the car and following Amanda and Hollyn into Nordstrom.
“Only that he wants steak and mashed potatoes. But really good steak with some kind of garlic butter sauce. Who knows, the venue has it under control. Oh, and he gets to pick out his suit and what the groomsmen are wearing.”
“Matt is a sleek dresser, he will make the boys look good,” Hollyn offers.
“I agree. I can’t wait to see what he picks out. He said since he won’t know what I’m wearing, I can’t see what he’s wearing.”
“That’s cute and fair.”
We walk through the doors of the giant department store and I immediately feel overwhelmed. I’ve never really been shopping in a fancy store like this. Grams and I would usually hit up the thrift store for some bargain finds. We never bought new unless it was underwear and bras because Grams said ladies with class buy their own garments, they don’t wear hand-me-downs. I’m grateful for that rule because the thought of wearing thrift store underwear makes me dry heave.
“This way, ladies.” Taking charge, Amanda leads us to the wedding suite. We pass the dress section on the way and I can’t help but fawn over all the pretty garments hanging on the racks. Soft fabrics, beads, lace, brand-new tags . . . it’s a new world I’ve never experienced before. Even the smell of the clothing store fills me with euphoria.
Shopping. With the girls. Heaven.
While Amanda talks to a sales clerk, I thumb through the bridesmaid dresses hanging in the wedding suite.
“They are gorgeous,” I say to Hollyn when she steps up next to me.
“Everything here is gorgeous. Very flowy and elegant. You will look so pretty in all of them.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I say shyly. “I’ve never worn anything like these dresses. I think I might feel out of place.”
“Don’t say that.” Hollyn shakes her head. “You’re not out of place, you’re just experiencing something new. Relax and enjoy it, Daisy. This is supposed to be fun.”
“All right, ladies,” Amanda claps her hands, “I’ve hand-picked a few dresses for you two. Theresa, our lovely store clerk, has pulled them already and set up dressing rooms. You both will be wearing an icy-blue color but your styles will be slightly different.”
“Icy blue, what are you trying to make Daisy look like an angel sent from above with her blue eyes and blonde hair?” Hollyn teases and walks toward her dressing room.
“Anything is going to look good on Daisy, it’s quite difficult to make her look bad.” Pointing at me, Amanda says, “You better grow a zit before the wedding, you can’t be prettier than me on my wedding day.”
“Oh gosh. That’s not possible, Amanda. You’re so pretty.”
Wrapping her arm around me, she guides me to my dressing room and leans into my ear to say, “So are you. Now try on that dress.” Pretty? I’ve never really put the word pretty next to my name.
I pull the curtain back and only see one dress. Confused, I ask, “Are there supposed to be other dresses?”
Amanda shakes her head. “No, once I saw this dress, I knew you had to wear it. I can’t wait to see you in it. Now, go change.” She slaps my butt and pushes me forward, shutting the curtain behind me.