I hate myself. I hate my abilities. This is not how my powers were meant to be used. I am despicable, lowly, unforgivable.
I end Riden’s suffering as soon as I dare, hoping it was long enough for Vordan. I relinquish the leftover song into the air, disposing of it quickly. I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want anything to do with it. Get it away from me.
The sick bastard laughs. “Well done.” Vordan writes some more on his parchment. I wish I could drive real pokers into his flesh.
“I’m satisfied with your singing abilities for today,” Vordan says, freeing his ears from the wax. “Let’s talk about your second set of abilities. If Theris overheard you correctly, you can read a person’s emotions, but this ability does not require nourishment from the sea. It is something you innately possess.”
Riden gasps on the ground, trying to recover from the imaginary pain. I watch him rub his hands over his skin, convincing himself it wasn’t real.
“Alosa,” Vordan snaps, pulling my attention from Riden. Theris steps forward and kicks Riden in the face. Blood trickles out of his nose, staining the sand red. In a way, I’m relieved that Theris kicked him so hard. Riden is now unconscious and can’t feel any pain.
“Yes,” I answer. “I can know what people are feeling, if I choose to.”
“And you don’t have to sing?”
“No.”
“Excellent.” More scratching on the parchment. “Tell me what each of my men is feeling.”
I’ve used this one plenty of times today already. I can’t risk using it much more, or I’ll lose myself. The last thing I need is to forget who I am when I’m in such a life-threatening situation. The exposure to the sea’s power almost claimed me several times already. And Riden’s not awake to pull me back again.
I’ll try to rush it. Then shut it off.
I admire the complexities of emotions. They’re paintings for me to see. I just have to suffer through the otherworldliness in order to see them. As the sickly sensation rushes over my skin, I look quickly at each of Vordan’s men. “That one is hungry,” I say pointing to Niffon. “That one is bored.” That’s Cromis. “He is excited—no, happy about something.” That’s Theris. “And you are…” Vordan’s is a bit more complicated. “Content,” I finish.
Vordan looks to each of his men in turn, who nod, showing I’m right.
“Bored, are you, Cromis?” Theris asks. “Perhaps we should reassign you to kitchen duty.”
Cromis looks determinedly at me, his mission. “I am fine, C— Theris.”
Theris purses his lips for a moment, but his face returns to normal quickly thereafter.
Interesting falter, though I shouldn’t be surprised that Theris gave me a false name. Frankly, I don’t care what his real name is. His name will cease to matter once I am free and he is dead.
“Shut up,” Vordan hisses at his men. His eyes are on his parchment until he looks up at me. “We’ll toy around with that one some more tomorrow. Let’s hurry on to your third and last ability, Alosa. Tell me, what would you call this power? I’ve had a hard time coming up with a concise name for it.”
I think for a moment.
“Riden may be unconscious, but I can still have Theris hurt him. So speak up.”
I glare at Vordan’s despicable form. “I can become any man’s idea of a perfect woman.”
“Essentially you’re a seductress. Can’t expect anything less from a woman, can we?”
If I hadn’t already marked him for death, he would definitely have a black mark on him now. Through clenched teeth, I say, “I can become whatever I need to be to get a man to do what I want him to.”
“You’re a manipulator. I imagine this ability goes well with the emotion reading. Couple those two with your song, and you truly are a formidable creature—a master over all men. Now, I’m assuming this ability only works on one man at a time?”
“Depends. Many men are attracted to the same things. I can only discern one man’s perfect woman at a time, but if those characteristics are liked by many in the vicinity—”
“Then you could affect them all.”
“Yes.”
“Give me a demonstration. I want you to use this on each of my men.”
Of all my abilities, this is the one my father found least useful. He didn’t test it out like he did the other two. I had to experiment with it on my own. I haven’t yet found any consequences for using it. Aside from feeling like a complete strumpet when I’m done. But I’m not above using it to get what I want. Though I usually prefer to have some song left to erase the memory from my victims afterward.
But by the end of today, it seems I will have lost my sense of safety, my secrecy, and my dignity.
Chapter 18
VORDAN HAS ME CHANGE myself for each of his men. In turn I play the parts of a whore (for Niffon likes a woman who knows what she’s doing), an innocent country girl (Cromis likes corrupting innocence without consequence), and a married woman (because Theris likes the danger and secrecy of an illicit affair).
I’m kept in the cage. Thankfully, the men aren’t allowed to touch me, but I want to punch myself for the foul, coy, and suggestive comments I’m forced to utter. The entire time I’m performing my act, Vordan stands there with his infernal paper and charcoal, making notes as I go.
I vow to shred that parchment so none can read the things I’m reduced to say and do.
“You may stop,” Vordan says after what must have been fifteen minutes of talking to Theris. “Don’t bother reading me. I have seen enough.”
Theris looks questioningly at Vordan. I must be giving him a similar look. If there’s anything that would have made me want to continue using my—as Vordan so elegantly put it—seductive powers, it was telling me not to read him.
I can read Vordan’s desires as though they’re written on a board above his head.
“Oh,” I say, “I can see you wouldn’t find me appealing no matter how I acted.”
Previous to this moment, Vordan has regarded me with nothing more than a pleasant interest, but now he looks at me as though I’m some vile creature he’s found sticking to the outside of his ship. He draws his sword and advances toward me.
“What are you doing?” Theris asks. “Captain?”
Vordan, called to his senses, sheathes his weapon and returns to his parchment.
I’m still stunned. Not because Vordan only likes the company of men, but because I’ve never had to use my abilities on his sort. I didn’t realize there are men out there who are immune to that particular talent of mine. And knowing Vordan is one of them makes the cage around me seem more solid somehow.
“That’s enough for today,” Vordan says. “Grab the boy and supplies.”
Niffon and Cromis start to move while Theris looks disapprovingly at his captain.
“I said to grab the boy, Theris!” Vordan repeats.
Theris hurries to comply while Vordan sizes me up one last time. “We’ll be back tomorrow. I suggest you prepare yourself for another rough day ahead of you.”