“What?” I ask, coming back to the conversation.
Riden knows I heard him, so he doesn’t bother repeating himself.
Has he gotten so used to arguing with me that it’s all he can do? Even when I speak the truth? Why is he so adamantly pressing the matter?
I decide to cheat. Right now my curiosity is more powerful than my revulsion, and I have plenty of time before I lose myself.
I home in on Riden. On his mind and his heart. I can feel his frustration. Both with himself and with me. I just don’t know why. I can sense feelings and desires. But I can’t read minds, helpful as that would be. I never know the whys behind people’s intentions.
All I know is Riden wants to kiss me again. Right now it is his greatest desire, and he can’t hide it from me. I feel it as though it were my own emotion. And though I’m sure it’s merely because he hasn’t had some alone time with a woman in a while, this is most definitely something I can use to my advantage.
Forget knocking him out. I need Riden’s greatest desire to become sleep. Once he’s asleep, I can keep him that way with my song. There’s enough in me for that.
But there’s only one way to change what he wants most. I have to give him the first one, so he will be satisfied and think of something else.
I swallow. For some reason, the thought excites me. Must be the thrill of the game.
So how to start?
“You don’t think so?” I ask. “What do you think happened, then?”
A deep, stormy gray surrounds him. He feels guilty. That’ll be the betrayal to his brother, no doubt. He wants to be assuaged from that guilt. He wants to get what he wants without the consequences that’ll come with it.
Typical pirate.
No responsibility. Just selfish desire.
“I think,” Riden finally says, “there is more here than either of us is willing to admit.”
“More of what?”
His frustration flares, as does the desire. Interesting how they’re tied together. But I can’t hold on to this anymore. Time to let the siren go again.
“What did you do?” he asks.
I quirk an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“You … you just changed. You looked off for a moment, but I thought I’d imagined it. Now you look yourself again.”
Nobody has ever been able to tell when I’m using my abilities before. Riden couldn’t have actually noticed the difference, could he?
“Well, Riden, if this conversation has been any indication, you are clearly not at your best. Perhaps you should get some rest.”
“Sleep is the last thing on my mind.”
I know that. I need to get him onto the bed. “You need to relax. Here. Come, sit.” I sit on the bed and pat a spot next to me.
He looks conflicted, pained. Maybe I shouldn’t have put the siren away so soon. But I will not be reduced to pulling her out again tonight. I’d have to be truly desperate indeed.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you,” I say.
He scoffs. “As if you could.”
I point to his side, where I cut him when we were on the island.
“I allowed you to do that.”
“Right. Because you’re so bold and brave. Come, sit. Even conflicted pirates need a break.”
He finally yields. But he won’t look at me, and he’s ensuring there’s a good foot between us on the bed. Interesting, since I already know what he really wants. He must be trying to stay away from temptation. If so, he shouldn’t have relented the bed. That’s all the invitation I need.
“I imagine being the first mate is stressful for you,” I say.
“Why’s that?”
“Because you’re not the captain. I couldn’t stand being the first mate. I always have to have my way.”
He laughs.
“I like the freedom it gives me,” I continue. “You seem like you want more freedom.”
“Am I so easy to read?”
I didn’t have to use my powers to learn that. Riden is easier for me to read than others. “At times. There’s more going on in here than you say.” I tap my finger once to his head.
He finally turns toward me at the contact. “How do you know so much? How are you … you?”
“I am me because I choose to be me. I am what I want. Some people say you have to find yourself. Not I. I believe we create ourselves to be what we want. Any aspect of ourselves that we do not like can be altered if we make an effort.”
That might have been a bit much, but Riden eats it up. His eyes burn. They really are a beautiful brown.
I reach out and grasp his hand with mine.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“Nothing. I wanted to touch you, so I did.”
“Simple as that?”
“Simple as that.”
“I want to kiss you again.”
“So then why don’t you?”
“Because I can’t help you. All I can do is take but give nothing in return.”
I’m struck speechless by his honesty. Maybe not the honesty, but the sincerity and selflessness in what he said. I’ve never heard a pirate say such a thing. It’s wrong. Uncomfortable. Almost makes me feel guilty for how I’m playing him.
Almost.
I slide closer to him, move my hand up to his face, and whisper, “But you are giving. You’re distracting me from the fate that awaits me. That’s more than I could have hoped for.”
I lean forward and press my lips to his. Rather than kiss me back, he puts his hand in my hair and says my name softly, with a touch of hopelessness.
I know he wants this; I just have to make him give in to it.
I lift up my legs and slide them over his lap, drawing him nearer to me at the same time.
Though I’d die of embarrassment if anyone on my crew knew I said this, I add, “Please, Riden. I want this. Don’t you want this?”
That does the trick. I finally feel movement under my own lips. It’s soft, unsure. Curious to be coming from Riden, who has always seemed so sure of himself. Perhaps he needs some more encouragement.
I trace his upper lip with the tip of my tongue.
The change is instant. Before I know it, he’s got his hand at the back of my head, the other on the side of my thigh. I move my lips down to his neck, teasing him in just the right places to get his heart pumping even faster.
But he’s done with letting me have all the fun. With a hand at my chin, he brings my lips back up to his. He takes control of the kiss, setting his own rhythm and pace. I let him, give him a sense of control. I have a feeling he’ll need it, if I’m to get him right where I want him.
Riden removes his coat. Obviously, things are getting warm for him in here.
Good, one less thing I’ll have to remove for myself.
For a moment, I allow myself to get caught up in the kiss. It’s all for a greater purpose, but I can’t deny how different it is to kiss Riden than it was to kiss Draxen. Draxen felt wrong. Draxen is a selfish lover. That much was obvious.
And Riden—
Riden is not.