I stared at my hands. I knew she was right. I didn’t want to know, I didn’t want to do anything but rush off to try to save her, but in the end—Camille was correct. How could I hand over two worlds in exchange for one life? It wasn’t in my nature to mass-sacrifice others, and Nerissa would hate me if I did that.
“I hate them. I want them dead. Painfully, slowly, executed.”
Camille let out a long sigh. “I know, but we don’t even know how to reach them at this point. And maybe we should focus on just getting her out of there instead of on what we’re going to do to them. We aren’t monsters, Menolly, even though sometimes it feels like we’re forced to be. Once we free her, clean quick kills and out. Torturing them won’t do anything but take us down to their level.”
I shook my head. “No, but be real. There’s a little sadist in all of us. Try as we might to deny it, you can’t tell me that there isn’t the smallest bit of satisfaction when you crush the spider you’re afraid of, or when your neighbor who has it so easy gets a speeding ticket. You’ve gloated over victory enough to know the feeling. And if you’re honest, you’ll be truthful about feeling just a little joy when Hyto was destroyed due to your command.
She bit her lip, then shrugged. “You’re right. I was relieved . . . and I was glad. I was grateful he was dead and that he had been forced to watch me stand there, commanding his death. After what he put me through, after his attitude in front of the Dragon Council, I just wanted him gone.”
I nodded. “You see? And don’t think for a moment I am saying he didn’t deserve it. But you felt satisfaction over his death. No, schadenfreude is alive and well in all of us, if we just look deep enough.”
She considered this. “You’re right. I can’t deny that. I really can’t.”
“Then don’t deny me my desire for vengeance, because regardless of whether I get it, the feelings are there and they are real. I won’t be a hypocrite and try to suppress them with a lot of self-righteous drivel.” With that, I felt strong enough to stand again. “We’d better get back in there and decide what to do next.”
“I think I know what comes next.” Camille quietly swung in behind me. “And I really don’t want to think about what it means.”
Chapter 15
“Vanzir, did you find out anything while you were in the Demon Underground—and Roz, you put in a visit to Carter. What did he have to say?” I straddled a chair, trying desperately to remain calm. I kept hold of that inner light like a drowning man might clutch a life vest.
We were gathered around a table in the conference room. Chase had been agitated about being left out of the loop, but Mallen did what he could to soothe the detective and told us to take our business out of the hospital room. Yugi had graciously offered us the use of a conference room and had coffee and donuts sent in to fuel our brainstorming session.
Vanzir frowned, taking a donut and biting into it. “I asked everywhere. Nobody knows what’s up. The fake Keraastar Knights? The anti-knights that Shadow Wing tried to develop? They were a miserable failure, I gather, but nobody knows where the hell they are. And nobody seems to know the reason for them vanishing. Yes, Shadow Wing threw a major hissy fit, but he’s not stupid and he wouldn’t just kick them out with their spirit seals in tow. None of my usual sources could come up with anything else. Now, of course, we know they’re going to be guarding Nerissa by what Chase remembered.”
“Carter told me just about the same thing,” Roz said. “Except for one major difference. He did . . . well . . . whatever it is Carter does, and he assured me that two of the demons from the Degath Squad are still around. The Varcont and the Shelakig. I’m not sure just what kind of scrying Carter can do, but he told me the Naedaran returned to the Sub-Realms. He probably took Nerissa with him.”
“Then we find the pair of them. And I get information out of them. But that means taking them down alive. And that means finding them first.” And then I paused, a thought cropping up. “I can get us extra manpower. I’ll be back. All of you, wait for me.”
And, like lightning, I raced out the door, heading for my car. There was one place I could go—one person I could turn to who would vastly increase our odds of finding the Demonkin. And he had to agree, given that he was Nerissa’s blood-oath brother.
*
Roman was in his study. As I entered, a look of surprise stole over his face. “I didn’t realize you were coming over tonight, love.” He stood, smiling, but the smile dropped away as I rushed up to him, shaking my head.
“This is no social call. Roman, we need you. We need you, we need your men. I need you.”
He motioned for me to bring a chair closer to him. “What’s going on?”
“They got my Nerissa. They took her, damn it.”