It was an enlightening and diverting morning with Anastasia. She’s been as challenging as ever since we woke, whether it was about the check for her death trap of a Beetle, my relationship with Elena, or who pays for breakfast.
Ana’s fiercely independent and still doesn’t seem interested in my money. She doesn’t take, she gives; but then she’s always been that way. It’s refreshing. All of my submissives used to love their gifts. Grey, who are you kidding? They said they did, but perhaps that was because of the role they were playing.
I put my head in my hands. This is difficult. I’m on an uncharted course with Ana.
Her anger toward Elena is unfortunate. Elena is a friend.
Is Ana jealous?
I can’t help my past, and after all that Elena has done for me, it’s going to be awkward dealing with Ana’s hostility.
Is this what my life will be like from now on, mired in this uncertainty? It will make an interesting topic to discuss with Flynn the next time I see him. Perhaps he can coach me through this.
Shaking my head, I activate the iMac and check my e-mails. Welch has sent through a copy of Leila’s forged concealed-weapons license. She’s using the name Jeanne Barry and an address in Belltown. The photograph is her likeness, though she looks older, thinner, and sadder than she did when I knew her. It’s depressing. The woman needs help.
I print out a couple of spreadsheets from SIP— P&Ls for the last three years that I will examine later. Then I review the résumés of the additional close protection team that Taylor has approved; two of them are ex-Feds and two are ex–Navy Seals. But I have yet to broach the subject of additional security with Ana.
One step at a time, Grey.
WHEN I’VE FINISHED RESPONDING to a few work e-mails, I go in search of Ana.
She’s not in the living room or my bedroom but while there I collect a couple of condoms from my bedside and continue my search. I want to go upstairs to check whether she’s in the sub’s room, but I hear the elevator doors and Taylor greeting someone. My watch reads 12:55. Franco must have arrived.
The doors of the foyer open, and before Taylor opens his mouth I say, “I’ll fetch Miss Steele.”
“Very good, sir.”
“Let me know as soon as the security detail gets here.”
“Will do, Mr. Grey.”
“And thanks for the mask and lipstick.”
“You’re welcome, sir.” Taylor closes the door.
Upstairs, I can’t see her, but I hear her.
Ana’s talking to herself in the closet.
What the hell is she doing in there?
Taking a deep breath, I open the door and she’s sitting cross-legged on the floor. “There you are. I thought you’d run off.”
She holds up a finger and I realize that she’s on the phone, and not talking to herself at all. Leaning against the doorjamb, I watch as she tucks her hair behind her ear and starts winding a strand around her index finger.
“Sorry, Mom, I have to go. I’ll call again soon…” She’s jittery. Do I make her feel that way? Perhaps she’s hiding in here to get away from me. She needs some space? The thought is disheartening.
“Love you, too, Mom.” She hangs up and turns to me, her expression expectant.
“Why are you hiding in here?” I ask.
“I’m not hiding. I’m despairing.”
“Despairing?” Anxiety pricks my skin. She is thinking of running.
“Of all this, Christian.” She gestures toward the dresses hanging in the closet.
The clothes? She doesn’t like them?
“Can I come in?” I ask.
“It’s your closet.”
My closet. Your clothes, Ana.
Slowly I sink to the floor opposite her, trying to gauge her mood. “They’re just clothes. If you don’t like them, I’ll send them back.” I sound resigned rather than conciliatory.
“You’re a lot to take on, you know?”
She’s not wrong. Scratching my unshaved chin, I consider what to say.
Be real. Be truthful. Flynn’s words ring in my head.
“I know. I’m trying,” I reply.
“You’re very trying,” she quips.
“As are you, Miss Steele.”
“Why are you doing this?” She gestures between us.
Her and me.
She and I.
Ana and Christian.
“You know why.” I need you.
“No, I don’t,” she insists.
I scrape my hands through my hair, looking for inspiration. What does she want me to say? What does she want to hear? “You are one frustrating female.”
“You could have a nice brunette submissive. One who’d say, ‘How high?’ every time you said jump, provided of course she had permission to speak. So why me, Christian? I just don’t get it.”
What should I tell her? Because I’ve woken up since I met her? Because my whole world has changed. It’s rotating on a different axis. “You make me look at the world differently, Anastasia. You don’t want me for my money. You give me…” I search for the word. “Hope.”
“Hope for what?”
Everything.
“More,” I answer. It’s what Ana wanted. And now I want it, too.
Give her your whole pitch, Grey.
I tell her she’s right. “I’m used to women doing exactly what I say, when I say, doing exactly what I want. It gets old. There’s something about you, Anastasia, which calls to me on some deep level I don’t understand. It’s a siren’s call. I can’t resist you, and I don’t want to lose you.”
Whoa. Flowery, Grey.
I take her hand. “Don’t run, please. Have a little faith in me and a little patience. Please.”
And it’s there in her sweet smile. Her compassion. Her love. I could bask in that look all day. Every day. She places her hands on my knees, surprising me, and leans up to plant a kiss on my lips. “Okay. Faith and patience, I can live with that,” she says.
“Good. Because Franco’s here.”
She flips her hair over her shoulder. “About time!” Her girlish laugh is infectious, and together we stand.
Hand in hand, we make our way downstairs and I think we might be over whatever was making her mad.
FRANCO MAKES AN EMBARRASSING fuss over my girl. I leave them in my bathroom. I’m not sure Ana would appreciate me micromanaging a haircut.
Heading back to my study, I feel tension in my shoulders. I feel it everywhere. This morning has been out of my control, and though she says she’s going to try faith and patience, I’ll have to see if she’s as good as her word.
But Ana has never given me a reason to doubt her.
Except when she left.
And she hurt me…
I dismiss the dark thought and quickly check my e-mails. There’s one from Flynn.
* * *
From: Dr. John Flynn
Subject: Tonight
Date: June 11 2011 13:00
To: Christian Grey
Christian
Are you attending your parents’ benefit this evening?
JF
I respond immediately.
* * *
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tonight
Date: June 11 2011 13:15
To: Dr. John Flynn
Good afternoon, John.
I am indeed, and I’ll be accompanied by Miss Anastasia Steele.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
I wonder what he’ll make of that. I think it’s the first time I’ve really followed his advice—and I am trying my relationship with Ana her way.
So far, so confusing.
I shake my head and retrieve the spreadsheets I printed out and a couple of bound reports I have to read about the shipping business in Taiwan.