The men stared at each other.
When Lucas said nothing, Scotty cleared his throat. “You need to pack. Get to it. I’ll keep watch outside.”
And with that, he walked out.
We were alone.
Lucas stared at the closed door, not moving. I wrapped my arms around myself, swallowing hard. “It wasn’t . . . Scotty didn’t . . . We lived.”
My words seemed to snap him out of his trance. “We lived.” He came up to me and cupped my cheek. His touch was so tender, but just seconds ago, he’d been killing men in front of me. He was splattered with blood and God only knew what else, and so was I. “But it’s time to get moving, or we won’t be alive for long.”
I shook my head. “This still doesn’t make sense to me.”
“I can’t live that life anymore. I don’t want it. Not now that I . . .” He pressed his lips together, seeming to struggle with words. “We don’t have time to talk about this. It’s time to pack.”
I collapsed into a chair. “Right. Pack.”
He was leaving. I’d never see him again. I’d known it would happen, and I’d known it would hurt when he did leave. But I hadn’t expected it to hurt this much. The threat was over. The Bitter Hill guys who’d been after me were dead, Scotty was actually a cop—which I still hadn’t wrapped my head around—and Chris had gotten what he wanted.
Lucas had given everything up to save me.
Everything.
Lucas dug out the envelope full of money from a kitchen drawer and shoved it into a bag, before walking into the bedroom. As he passed me, he frowned. “Move your pretty little ass, darlin’. As soon as Chris gives that will to Tate, there will be people coming here to look for my body, needing to confirm my death. We’re done here.”
Blinking, I stood up. It hadn’t even occurred to me to, you know, leave. He was done with me, and I was sitting here like an idiot, watching him pack up and walk out of my life. As if I’d expected a tender good-bye. A kiss or a hug, or something. But no. I got a “Move your pretty little ass, darlin’.” Maybe it was stupid, but I really expected something more, after all we’d been through. “O-oh. Right. I’ll . . . yeah. I’ll get going.”
“Good. Don’t forget—” When I walked past him and headed for the door, he broke off, blinking. “Wait—where the hell are you going? Just because Scotty’s out there doesn’t mean it’s safe out there. We can hit the bar and your apartment next.”
“I know,” I said quickly. “You have to go, and I get that. I don’t want to slow you down. I need to—wait, the bar and my apartment?”
“You . . .” His grip tightened on me. Something haunted him, something dark and raw and real, but he turned away before I could figure out what. “You want me to go alone?”
“I thought you wanted to go alone.” I pulled free. “Why would I go with you now? It’s over.”
“I thought . . .” He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought you would come with me. I said those things to Chris and Scotty, and you didn’t . . . you agreed.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t mean any of that, right?” I laughed, expecting him to join in and say something cocky like usual. He didn’t. “Lucas?”
“I—I don’t know how to do this. How to say the shit I want to say to you, Heidi. I . . .” He dropped his hands to his sides, fisted them, and closed the distance between us. “Fuck it. I’m going all in.”
The confusion inside me only increased. “What—?”
He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me.
CHAPTER 29
LUCAS
The second her lips touched mine, I put every single fucking feeling that crashed through me into that kiss. The feelings I didn’t understand yet, the feelings that frankly scared the shit outta me, and even the belief that we could be happy together. It was all there for her, laid out as simply as possible, in the form of a kiss.
I knew I needed to say the words, too, but this was a start.
Earlier, in front of two other men, I’d put my heart on the table and let her know just how badly I wanted to be with her. I’d said I wasn’t losing because I got her. But now it seemed like I didn’t have her, because she hadn’t even believed me, and I had to fix that. When she’d said she was going to run with me, she’d made me the happiest man on this planet. I’d thought she actually wanted to be with me. But she hadn’t really meant it.
She hadn’t even believed me.
Heidi moaned into my mouth, her hands clutching at my shoulders as she twirled her tongue around mine. Breaking off the kiss, I rested my forehead on hers, breathing heavily. Her breaths matched mine. “I know I’m not a good person,” I said. “Not even close.”