He flushed. “Scotty bought off Bitter Hill. He’ll use them to kill me and then they’ll come after you. They tagged my building, Heidi. It’s not safe here.” He stalked toward me, and I forced myself to stand my ground. “They’ll finish what they started the other night, and then, if you’re lucky, they’ll kill you.”
My heart raced, but I ignored it. My fight-or-flight instinct might have kicked in with his words, like he hoped, but he underestimated me. I wasn’t a flight type of girl anymore—I’d stand my ground. “And if I’m not lucky?”
“They’ll keep you. Or sell you.” He pressed his mouth into a thin hard line again. “And you’ll wish you were dead.”
I forced myself to shrug. “On the streets . . . people have tried to cage me before. I’m not scared of them.”
“I am,” he admitted. He pressed close to me. Gently, he cupped my cheek. His words, though, vibrated with anger and frustration, and so much more. “Not for myself, but for you. I don’t want you to get caught in the cross fire. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when, and I could be in a position where I can’t protect you anymore. You could get hurt. And that’s not acceptable to me. That’s why I need you to take my escape, Heidi. I need you to run.”
It was then that I realized the enormity of his actions. It was then, also, that I realized that the fact that he was willing to give me his escape—to selflessly risk his own life for mine, time and time again—didn’t just make me grateful or anything like that. His actions, and the way he put me first all the time, made me . . . made me . . .
Love him.
Yeah. I loved him, like the idiot I’d sworn I wasn’t.
Despite the fact that I knew he would never feel the same, I loved him. Completely, utterly, loved him. And he would break my heart in the end if I let him. And, God, I was going to let him.
I was going to give him my heart on a silver platter.
Resting my hands on his chest, I knew that this was one of those moments that defined your existence, a moment where two roads forked out in front of you. One was the path you’d choose, and one held the future unchosen. A lifetime worth of people you’d never meet, events that would never happen, emotions that you’d never feel.
But I was confident in my choice.
Digging my nails into his shirt, I shook my head once. “I’m not leaving you, Lucas. I refuse to run unless I’m running with you. And if you don’t want to run with me . . . then we fight. Together.”
He let out a strangled sound and rested his forehead on mine, closing his eyes. “Damn it, sweetheart. You have to go.”
“I’m. Not. Going.” Reaching up, I slid my hand behind his neck. Slowly, he lifted his head and stared down at me, his gaze haunted and glowing with something I couldn’t pinpoint. “I’m staying with you. I choose you.”
His hands slid down my sides, resting on my waist. He didn’t pull me closer, but he didn’t push me away, either. The way he looked down at me, all heat and passion, sent a coil of heat ripping through my veins. The tension between us had been tugging at me from the first moment we met, pulling me closer to him. We barely knew each other, but I was done resisting. Done fighting. I’d take Lucas as he was, bloodstains and all. He might not consider himself a “good” man, but I knew better. Now he was my man.
And I loved him.
Even though I knew he didn’t love me.
“Heidi . . .” he murmured, his tone laced with want and pure sex.
It was stupid, and I knew I’d probably regret it when this was all said and done, but I wanted to have him. Soon enough, this would all be over. If we managed to survive this mess, I’d be alone in my bar again, and Lucas would go back to doing whatever it was he was doing before I crashed into his life. So this one time . . . for once in my life . . . I knowingly chose to be stupid. I decided to take something I wanted, despite the consequences, and to live in the moment.
No fear. No doubts.
Just us.
As if he could feel the pull, too, the little space left between us shrank further as his arms tightened around me. He was so close, I could feel his breath mixing with mine. My heart pounding, I lifted my chin. And I said the words he’d told me I’d say, long ago. Although . . . I guess it hadn’t been all that long ago, in reality. It felt like aeons, but it had only been days. “I’m going to say it. Those three little words you love to hear . . .”
He stiffened but didn’t move away. “Don’t. Once you do, there’s no going back. You know it, and so do I. There’s still time to—”
Any rational person would tell me it was way too soon for this, but I’d never been one to play it safe. “I don’t want to go back.”
“Jesus.” His gaze fell to my mouth. “Heidi . . .”
Heat curled through my body as I prepared to leap, hoping to God he’d catch me before I fell, and I licked my lips. “You were right.”
“Damn you,” he growled.