I know I just said it but once again: gays are skinnier than average. And our love of good clothes, good hairdos, and good aesthetics is well established. In the age of the “fat acceptance” movement, how can we stick with the Left? We should look to Nietzsche for wisdom, not hideous queer studies professors.
Being one of the last boundary-pushers in the gay community pays dividends. At the end of 2016, readers of LGBTQ Nation named me “Person of the Year.” Despite an outraged response from the gay community, the publication respected the choice, and acknowledged that I had successfully become the “ultimate gay provocateur in a year of provocateurs.” If you’re a fag who craves the limelight as much as I do, take note: it’s conservative gays who get all the attention these days.
RETURN TO DEGENERACY
Gay men are chaos incarnate. We are gods of mirth, mischief, danger and innate perversion. As society’s subversive rebels, unencumbered by humdrum family ties, we can go further than anyone else. We can smash taboos. We can achieve greatness. We should never try to be normal.
Family values are for straight people, not for us. Get married if you want, but don’t pretend you won’t be secretly browsing Grindr and scouting out darkened parks and public toilets behind your husband’s back. (He’ll be doing the same.)
Christianity is not your enemy; it is a secret friend. The Devil needs the Church to stay in business, and naturally mischievous gay men need a book of rules to break. We need to be told that we’re wrong, we need to be told that we’re degenerate.
Part of the blame for all this certainly falls with gays, because we willingly accepted liberal victim programming for so long. Many in America still think this country is a terrible place for gays, ignoring the rest of the world. Gays are often terminally insecure and vain, we think our problems are the only problems. In America, it’s perfectly okay for people to not like each other. Just because someone doesn’t believe two guys should be able to get married doesn’t mean they hate gay people. Tying someone up and throwing them off a roof, that’s what real homophobes do.
Social justice and progressivism are strangling gays and gay culture. Even VICE editors are noticing that it’s Breitbart publishing radical gay editorials and provocative Britney Spears commentary, hosting gay porn star op-eds, and referring to “resident gay thots.” That’s a remarkable state of affairs for the Left to find itself in.
There is only one sentient issue GLAAD, PFLAG, GLSEN and any other gay establishment group needs to be focused on: AIDS. These organizations treat mis-gendered pronouns as a plague, while HIV infections continue to literally plague the gay community. Have they forgotten the men who died horrible, agonizing deaths only twenty years ago? A whole generation of gay men vanished. Are gay rights leaders so far gone that fighting for the right to a gay wedding cake becomes top priority, when 40,000 people were diagnosed with HIV in the US in 2015? Are the semantics between “marriage” and “civil union” so important that you’d disregard such tragedy?
Hysterical demands from dykes and trannies have brainwashed faggots into fighting the wrong war. We’ve given over all gay rights battles to the dykes, because we’re too scared to voice what Florence King called “the leading unpopular truth of homosexual life,” namely, “that gay men and lesbians don’t much like each other… In a normal country, they couldn’t bear to be in the same room together but in America they’re in the same minority group.”147
Lesbians don’t care about HIV rates. Why would they, it has no bearing on their lives whatsoever. You can’t get HIV from scissoring. All lesbians care about is who wears the tux and who wears the dress at their tacky wedding. It’s time to stop lesbians from running the gay mafia and get them back where they belong: in porn.
People are sick of the gay establishment telling them what they’re allowed to say. Conservatives don’t hate gay people, they hate being told what to think. I’ve received a standing ovation from 1,200 Republicans for appearing in drag and ridiculing fat people. I’ve made frat boys sit down for two hours and listen to me talk about my dark sexual perversions. These kids don’t know who Sharon Needles or Amanda Lepore are, and they never will, but I’ve let them know it’s okay to be themselves through my drag persona, Ivana Wall. I’m every straight white male’s gay hall pass.
I hope this chapter helps both the alt-right and mainstream gays understand my motivations. I do consider being gay to be wrong. But I also like being wrong. Gays should be proud to be degenerates. Listen up, homos. Rescue what’s left of gay culture. Dump social justice. It’s so much better being bad.
8
WHY ESTABLISHMENT
REPUBLICANS HATE ME
“Right after liberal Democrats, the most dangerous politicians are country club Republicans.”
—Thomas Sowell
In January 2016, I got into what I thought was a friendly Twitter spat with then-editor-at-large for Breitbart, Ben Shapiro. Ben is a shorter and less successful version of me who lost his audience by freaking out against Daddy.
Shapiro’s distaste for me and his distaste for Trump are related. They’re part of a wider story of insecurity and anger on the part of the establishment right: anger that their positions of power and influence over conservative politics are slowly slipping away. Anger that they are being replaced by a new generation of young, fashionable and funny conservatives who have no time for the 1980s hang-ups of older conservatives. I mean, yes, the fact that raising tax rates past a certain point actually decreases tax revenue is very interesting, but proselytizing that message is not our number-one priority. We’re nimble navigators who can get out to protests earlier because we’re not waiting for our hearing aids to charge. And we care first and foremost about culture, not politics.
The quote at the start of this chapter isn’t just a pithy saying. It’s completely true. In 2016, there was only one type of political creature as upset as the Left—if not more so—at the rise of Donald Trump: establishment conservatives.
Establishment conservatives were so upset by Trump, they made a pathetic attempt to torpedo his efforts against Hillary Clinton. Calling themselves “Never Trump,” some of them threw their support behind Clinton or the libertarian, Gary Johnson, while others rallied around the laughable Evan McMullin, a former middle-ranking CIA operative no one ever heard of.
Naturally, as the biggest and loudest Trump fan, I had the establishment also come after me. After I objected to their attempts to brand every web-based Trump supporter a frothing Neo-Nazi and anti-Semite, I attracted the attention of their queen bee, a rotund chap called Glenn Beck.